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HOUSTON DAILY JOURNAL
Kids need assistance to establish their own identities
Question: Does the mid
dle child really have greater
adaptive problems than her
siblings?
Dr. Dobson: The middle
child does sometimes find
it more difficult to establish
her identity within the fam
ily. She enjoys neither the
status of the eldest nor the
attention given to the baby.
Furthermore, she is likely
to be born at a busy period
in the life of her parents,
and especially her mother.
Then during her preschool
years, her precious territory
is invaded by a cute little
newborn who steals Mama
from her. Is it any wonder
that she often asks, “Who
am I and where is my place
in life?”
Question: What can I do
to help my middle child fig
ure out who she is?
Can Rudolph the
reindeer really fly?
Christmas is a spe
cial time for me. As
a child, the vision of
Santa Claus departing the
North Pole in a reindeer
driven sleigh loaded with
toys stirred my imagination.
The
thought
that he
would
actually
land on
my house
thrilled
my heart.
A bottle
of coke
and cook-
Hill' I'.null
Columnist
ies were
placed on the mantle for
Santa. Every year I tried to
stay awake to catch him put
ting presents under the tree,
but never succeeded.
I always awakened on
Christmas morning to find
that Santa had come and
gone; the coke bottle was
empty and the cookies con
sumed.
I vowed every year to stay
awake the next Christmas to
catch the jolly old elf.
When Bill and Tim were
small, we started celebrat
ing Christmas early in
December.
I read to them the accounts
of Jesus’ birth from Luke
and Matthew.
They marveled at Gabriel’s
announcement to Mary that
she would bear God’s son.
They pondered with won
derment the angelic choir
that proclaimed His birth,
the shepherds who came to
worship the Christ child, and
the wise men who tracked
the star to Bethlehem.
We took turns playing
Santa Claus. While Bill (age
9) and Tim (age 4) pretended
to sleep,
I donned a fake white
beard and red stocking cap
and came down the hall car
rying a bag full of old toys.
I would enter their room,
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Dr. Dobson: Parents
should take steps to ensure
the identity of all their chil
dren, not just as members
of the family, but as unique
individuals. This is especial
ly needed on behalf of mid
dle children. Let me offer a
couple of suggestions that
will illustrate what I mean.
■ 1. It is meaningful for
dad or mom to “date” each
child, one at a time, peri
odically. The other kids
should not be told where
they are going until it is
revealed afterward by the
chosen child. They can play
miniature golf, go bowling,
play basketball, eat tacos
or pizza, or visit a skating
rink. The choice of activities
should be made by the child
whose turn has arrived.
■ 2. Ask each offspring to
design his or her own flag,
say “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry
Christmas,” and place toys
beside their bed.
Then it would be Bill’s
turn to play Santa for Tim
and me.
Finally it came Tim’s
turn. Bill and I had to muf
fle our laughter as little Tim
came down the hall dragging
a pillowcase of toys and mut
tering “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry
Christmas.”
Rudolph the Red Nosed
Reindeer was a hit in those
days. Gene Autry and Burl
Ives became famous singing
the familiar song.
Bill and Tim once asked,
“Can Rudolph really fly?”
“Sure, he can fly,” I
replied, “and his red nose
glows in the dark to light
Santa’s way.”
Although Santa Claus
and Rudolph are integral
to Christmas, Jesus is the
reason for the season. This
story explains why: Ten
birds were caught in a snow
storm.
They were cold and hun
gry
It was almost midnight on
Christmas Eve when a farm
er came to the barn to check
on his livestock.
As he opened the door, the
barn light illuminated the
shivering birds clustered a
short distance away.
He wanted so badly to
coax them into the warmth
of his barn and feed them
some grain, but he knew
communication with them
was impossible.
About that time, the
bell from a nearby church
pealed midnight ushering in
Christmas day. The farmer
thought for a moment and
said, “Now, I know why
Christ came. Just as I could
only help those birds by
becoming one of them, God
became a man in the person
of Christ to show us how to
live and to save us from our
sins.”
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which can be sewn in canvas
or cloth. That flag can then
be flown in the front yard
on the child’s “special” days,
celebrat
ing birth
days, good
grades,
athletic
achieve
ments and
so forth.
There
are other
ways to
accom
plish the
same pur-
H
Dr. James
Dobson
Focus on the Family
pose. The target, again, is to
plan activities that empha
size one child’s individual
ity apart from his identity
within the group.
Question: My marriage
has been a very unsatisfying
thing for me.
Church Briefs
Christmas musical
planned
The Sanctuary Choir of Second
Memorial Baptist Church, 1845 Kings
Chapel Road, Perry, will present,
“Jesus, There’s Something About that
Name,” at 11 a.m., Sunday. The musi
cal is arranged by Russell Mauldin.
The choir will be under the direction
Believing in the love of Santa Claus
I was substituting a
fifth grade class when
one student asked if I
believed in Santa. “Of course
I do,” was my immediate
response. Overhearing the
conversation, another stu
dent inquired, “Mrs. Cole,
Why do you believe in a ficti
tious character?” My expla
nation was that SANTA is a
symbol of LOVE and LOVE
is real. My letter to Santa
clarifies my acceptance of
Santa’s place in the annual
celebration of Christmas.
Dear Santa,
Perhaps it is out of the
ordinary for the grand
mother of two adult grand
children to be writing a let
ter to Santa. I just want to
express some of my feel
ings toward my relationship
with you.
Some Christians think of
your role as being pagan
ism. An attempt to prove
or disprove your existence
would be to no avail.
You were an important
figure in my childhood
days. I anxiously looked for
ward to your annual visit.
Leaving a treat beneath the
Christmas tree for you was
a simple lesson in thought
fulness. This was a way of
saying “Thank You” for the
gifts to be found Christmas
morning.
You could not heave
everything on the list but
there was one thing over
and above my wants that
you voluntarily left in abun
dance. A gift that could not
be wrapped in a package.
The gift of love!
Yes, you were important,
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RELIGION
I would divorce my hus
band if it were not for my
concern for our three chil
dren. What does the research
say about the impact of
divorce on kids?
Dr. Dobson:lt’s now
known that emotional devel
opment in children is direct
ly related to the presence of
warm, nurturing, sustained
and continuous interaction
with both parents. Anything
that interferes with the vital
relationship with either
mother or father can have
lasting consequences for the
child.
One landmark study
revealed that 90 percent
of children from divorced
homes suffered from an
acute sense of shock when
the separation occurred,
including profound grieving
and irrational fears. Fifty
but far from being the most
important. You see, we were
taught that Christmas is the
birthday of Jesus.
With the passing of time,
Santa, you came to mean
more than a jolly fellow
with a beard of white . .
. more than one sliding
down the chimney with
a sack of toys . . . more
than the fictitious driver
of a make-believe team of
reindeer pulling a sleigh
through the starry sky.
As the meaning of
Christmas began to take
roots in the mind of a
young girl, the meaning of
LOVE grew stronger. Santa
became symbolic of love. By
this time, I was too old to
expect a visit from Santa.
Just the same, it seemed
you had a rightful place in
Christmas. Your appear
ance in the downtown store
brought sparkles to eyes
and smiles to faces of many
youngsters who seldom had
reason to reflect happiness
prior to your arrival.
With parenthood came
more visits from Santa. Our
house had no chimney but
the doors of our home were
open. You were permitted
to be a part of our children
learning about Christmas,
even though you had to take
second place. First place
belonged to “Baby Jesus.”
Tradition continued for our
grandchildren.
Passing on the greatest
lesson in life was a golden
opportunity beginning with
Mary learning she was to
give birth to Jesus, travel
ing with Mary and Joseph
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percent reported feeling
rejected and abandoned, and
indeed half of the fathers
never came to see their chil
dren three years after the
divorce.
One-third of the boys and
girls feared abandonment
by the remaining parent,
and 66 percent experienced
yearning for the absent par
ent with an intensity that
researchers described as
overwhelming. Most signifi
cant, 37 percent of the chil
dren were even more unhap
py and dissatisfied five years
after the divorce than they
had been at 18 months. In
other words, time did not
heal their wounds.
That’s the real meaning of
divorce. It is certainly what I
think about, with righteous
indignation, when I see infi
delity and marital deceit
of Jenny Ledger, Minister of Music
and student. Norman Gay is the nar
rator. A nursery will be provided and
visitors are welcome.
For information, call the pastor, Dr.
Tracy Brinson at 987-1025, or Ledger
at 218-0485.
Walk Through Bethlehem
The annual “Walk through
Bethlehem” will be held at Shirley
Earline Cole
Reflections
40094
to Bethlehem and hearing
the angel announce, “For
unto you is born his day in
the city of David a Saviour,
which is Christ the Lord,”
(Luke 2:11) followed by “a
multitude
of heavenly
host prais
ing God,
and say
ing, Glory
to God in
the high
est, and
on earth
peace,
good will
to men.”
(Luke 2:13-14)
The picture is not com
plete until we can see beyond
a baby in a manger to Jesus
nailed to the cross . . . and
on to the Resurrection.
When the impact of John
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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2006 ♦
portrayed on television as
some kind of exciting game
for two.
The bottom line is that
you are right to consider
the welfare of your children
in deciding whether or not
to seek a divorce. As empty
as the marital relationship
continues to be for you, it
is likely, from what I know
of your circumstances, that
your kids will fare better if
you choose to stick it out.
Dr. Dobson is founder and
chairman of the board of
the nonprofit organization
Focus on the Family, P.O.
Box 444, Colorado Springs,
CO. 80903; or www.family.
org. Questions and answers
are excerpted from "The
Complete Marriage and
Family Home Reference
Guide” and ‘‘Bringing Up
Boys, ” both published by
Hills Baptist Church from 4-10 p.m.,
today through Sunday.
The re-enactment, in costume, with
live animals, of life in the village of
Bethlehem at the time of Jesus’ birth
event attracts thousands each year.
Free.
Send information on church events
to cperkins@evansnewspapers.com
or call Charlotte Perkins at 987-1823,
Ext. 234.
3:16 becomes real to the
individual, then the discov
ery of what Christmas is all
about, has been realized.
Santa, everyone knows
that you can never come
near measuring up to that
kind of love, but then, nei
ther can I. So I just want to
say it is good to know that
you can be a part of this
special day without smoth
ering out the real reason for
our celebrating Christmas.
Whether or not Santa
is believed in is of lesser
importance. It is believing
in love that makes the dif
ference. Love, the starting
point of “Peace on Earth,
Good Will to Men!”
Thank you, Santa, for the
love you have shared in the
past will continue to share
through years to come.
Next Week: Letter to God
§ o a^ ne 6
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734 Main Street
Perry, Georgia 31069
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1812 U.S. 41 N.l
Perry, GA
987-1112
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