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PROFESSION IJ ABUS.
JOH H W. WJJIFORtf,
4ffomt*y at I.aw,
r,R*»«n.
opptoe over curry's store,
Oct. 17. ISPB.
R. W. MUKPBEY,
attorney at law,
('artrrnve. <*.».
II.L yr»€tle»i« thf N Oourli n! C*'-
¥ e«tt. t*.rticular s-ten'ion irinil <• ll<-niofi
»J OSi' - f Wt*h lot. AM* JoVnnot:. Oc>. 1
Eff. E. U. JOHNSON,
Bentist,
l ASPECT fCULT »r**-» ill-Fr.)f<»*4 n<t
*1 .srsitei tu tfl* c i'imh *f OsrKmv'll* yy
»4 rifiiuitv. 4*l* ■> -tore.l to <So m rk •*!I
SB lie Bu<i must ; j>)jr«vr<l si v f.
T rth w'lhjut Er nf nSfc-** 1 *
9mr.] *V rk »!l »r«rr«r.l»-1. OT. -e t>*-r **i,krli-y's
Uir.CASTKIthVILLR ti* Irh. t» 1656.--ws.ti
JERE A. HOWARD,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW.
CaRTEKSVJLLE. «a.
JOHN J. JONES,
Attorney at Law,
Cartemille, Ga„
•tteud promptly to all busi
\\ trusted to it** rar*. Will pract’C* in the
(’•mta o: Law, and Equity •11 tins Cherokre
t ’irruit. Special attention given to the collec*
ti of claims. J«n. 1. ! 466. Iv
JOHN J. JONES,
DEAL ESTATE AGEXT,
CARTERSViLLE. GA.
Ira c«tH«rtse<f to •<?!!, And have on hand several
t*4 4<»tr ai«4 mlso i>u I'Jinv lots it» t*i *
(»«• , ( o»rter*fh.*-. pUutnii /O® of xnri
Mtii N U Jltrlaw coui.ty. dtmlriiig so boy or
i f ij «i |Jj ir«l|t» *v <» »uo » CJill. All CO?am nTCutiofi
).>«ya t Ujr tM««red. July 17, lbtfG.
BLANCH & nODD,
i T T O KN K Y S AT LA W,
'YDARTOWX, POLk COUNTY, GA.
WIU practice law in the several
Cos irU comprising the Ta lapooaa Circuit ;
slso, Bartow an.l Floyd (bounties. P»rtic
i iar attention given to the collection ot
claims. jan 12, iy
nr*. oox» J- h. wielf.
Coxe Ac Wikle,
AT rtHNEYS AT LAW,
AND
NOTARIES PUBLIC.
tlajUrirlilr, Georgia.
J« *. <OX, COMMISSIONER OF DEEDS
FOR SOUTH CAROLINA,
••>. 9tk jBi»S lyr.
« ? A. II nvrXTfItTLE,
I ’ S artier rind ITalth aut!
# <:h»eli ilrpalrcr,
u tk r *l of K. K. Skinner & Co’* (tor*
,**, a. rill*, ian. 25
MILNER,
Attorney at Law,
AND NOTARY PU3LIC.
CARTERSVILLE. GEORGIA.
Wffi T »*.«tio9 lr. th« Courts of the Cb.-roVce snd ad
j,l-i , Oirenlta, ftlso tha Bupreme and Dia'rict
l earu. Bieuaut alleultou ijnsn to bunneas •oUUnWd
ItafK I. August 21 —w ly
I, C.O. Blaclcburn,
ATTORNEY AT LAW
fl/HAUEt. BAHTOW COUNTY. GEORGIA-
K« •> .'ic«i: I’i«iu«try, promp’itaile and at-
Umira march tt. Wj
T W Miner, O H Milner.
WJLNER & MILNER,
Attorneys at Law,
?ARI- RSV'IILE GEORGIA.
Vk ii * promptly to business entrusted
t* tb Lr c tre. j»n. 15. ly
S. 11. PATILLO,
FASHIONABLE TAILOR,
\arilt itu i promptly to the Cuttirg, Repair- .*•
>v log and 'taking Boys’ and Me i’a Clo hine. jSRa
t» «e on itie Second Ki <>r of Sfokely & WII- J 2
li jp.’ New Bri.lt Building. Entrance from-Ida
g.aia gireet in rear of the building. K*bl7.
WARREN AKIN,
Attorney at Law,
CARTi RSVILLE, GEORGIA
Will practice in »!! the Courts nfthe State
Commftclal Hotel, Cartersville, Ga.,
HBNOVAT33 AND
REARRANGED AND REMODDIED.
T. J. T YON S' m.
TWO STORY BRT- K Rmi,T>TNh, earner »f Oenot
Bquarcand Market Street. East Side ts Railroad.
Rooms good and comfortable.
Kurnltnre and Redding oott.
Oood offle* and »ns dons r>inl"g Rnom
Tables well supplied with the hest that th# market
Bords, and charges moderate.
The Proprietors hope, by good attention to horlness
t* Kteral share of patronage. Oct. 1. ISG9.
JAM’ S P. MASON,
Boskbl er and Paper Baler,
lAWSHE’S B U | LD , 6 ,^g^
Whitehall Street,
ATLANTA „ GEORGIA.
May 1, 1869
S. ( rSHIBLDS,
Fashi&nabt Taior ,
CARTERSVILIE. BARTOW COUNTY, GEORGIA. 1
Having j st received ('harts of the latest
•tyle* irf G« utlemens’ and Hoys’ Clothing,
European ar,J American, announces that lit
IS prepared to execute all kinds „Jtfl
of woik in the Fashionable Tail
<JL£. oring ine. with neatness and in »a
durable style Over J. Elsas & Co's store.
Carte rsvillo Biclfgj
J jgh C. THOMPKINS, favorably
I|£.j)fcA known as a good Workman on
clocks ami watches and
has removed bis place
Work to liis Residence on the
East Side of the Railroad, near Mr. A.
Work dime on short notion.—
~i! «nwl ses.
VOL. 8.
Kan n r»s;j.w House.
iLitCulctl at raDroiitl depot.)
nil te.Wfiie l h iving I. «ogbt the entire
inlrrvst ot Dix Fle’cher,'lV|,sUc lor l,ou
isa 'V. Fletcher, in 'he K*n H .use,
ind wib he eoudiu ted, in the tu
'tire. under the irnmo fir.ii of A ugo.tine
V. F!etch»r A Preyer. Til uikful for past in- ,
wi ami patronage,thev will -trieeto sive the
itmosl SH'iafaction tn -»If of the Keit
ueaaw Hnoee. AUGUSTINE A. FLETCHER.
F. L. FREYER.
MARIETTA. J«n. IS. Mo
K. T White, J. M. Lyket.
Amerioim 110 tel,
ALABAMA FTRFKT,
ATLANTA, GKOMGI
White & L y k e s ,
Proprietors.
i^\Gfs^ f ;E cairied to and from Depot
j five of Cu*rgt. May 11,
k, U S)ie.*en, H, J iVUsoo, J. L. Caldwett,
O’u. F». jll,e.
THE OLD TENS. ANI> GEORGIA
! w, ©. jsasss,
ATLANTA, GEORGIA,
6ABAEKN. WILSON .L OALDWGI.L, Proprietors.
J. W. G. RRYSON, Clark.
JOHN T. OWEN,
WstrU an<t Clock Repairer,
and Jeweler,
CARTEHSVILLE. GA.
fTT.ILL keep constant- /TA TOk
f V ly on band, for sale
w ell selected stock of
WATCHES. CLOCKS,
Gold, Silver and Steel
SPECTACLES.
.'J'c., Ac. Can furnish any kind of Silver
Plate, extra tine 0o!d Watcbes or Jewelry,
at short notice, as cheap as they can be
bought in any other market. Goods cheap.
Work warranted. Terms cash,
aug 12, 18(i9.wly
LIVERY STABLE.
IR;_ ID. MOOU.
CARTERS VILLE, GA.,
IS prepared, at all hours, to furnish con
veyances into the country—saddle-horse,
buggy, hack, rockaway, or wagon. Also, to
board stock, fcc. nov, 3.
tt, W.SATTEEF IELD, Q. V. SATTEB Mill.
R W SATTERFIELD &'MQ,
AT
Tlie New Brick Store
Flmt Deor Cast ofHallroad.
CARTERSVILLE, GEORGIA .
Have just received and opened an
ENTIRE NEW STOCK
OF
ETATLE AND FANCY DRY GOODS,
NOTIONS, READY MADE CLOTH
ING, HATS. BOOTS, SHOES, CROCKERY
HARDWARE, ANI) CUTLERY, FAMI
LY GROCERIES, ETC., ETC., ETC.
To which they invite the attention of Hie
public generally, being satisfied flint hoy
can and will sell goods as cheap, if not a lit
tle Cuk.vvf.r, tha i any other house in town.
The attention of the ladies is especially
invited to our Stock of Summer Dress
ceil
Gentlemen can also be fitted up with
whatever they may Want.
Country produce taken in exchange for
goods, at the highest market price.
Having withdrawn from the late Firm of
J. 11. Satterfield & Cos, I would respectfully
solicit the patronage of my old friends and
customers.
R. W. SATTERFIELD.
June 24th,—w ly.
R. F. MADDOX. J L. WINTER
It-. F. itl a'ld ox & Cos.
TOBACCO
COMMISSION MERCHANTS
AGENTS FOR THE SALE OF
9~irginia and A~orth arolina
TOBACCO.
NO. IS, ALABAMA STREET, ATLAN TJ.
Consignments solicited. Will make liber
al advances when desiecd. augl,’69
W H GILBERT & GO.,
CARTERSVILLE, GA.,
Dealers la
HARD WARE, IRON . STEEL, NAILS,
CASTINGS, AGRICULTURAL IM
PLEMENTS, and GRASS SEEDS,
TEEMS FROM THIS DATE :
STRICTLY CASH.
Agents for sale of
Threshing ami Mill Machinery.
Agents for sale of
Mur fee Sub Soil Plows.
Agents for sale of
FERTILIZERS.
Dickson’s Compound;
.AItsTOJR/EW COE’S,
Baugh’s Raw Bone, And
OTHERS.
Agents for sale of Polk County
HlnUxs For Roofing.
CARTERSVILLE. BARTOW COUNTY, GA.. JANUARY IS. 1870.
DR. JOHN BULL'S
Great Bemedies
SMITH'S THF, STROP!
FOR THE CURE OF
AGUE AND FEVER
OR
CHILLS AND FEVER.
The proprietor of th'g celebratm j.'.'ly
claim* for it a superiorly over at) rrme.tien oß'er
e i to toe public lor the *n/e, certain */iee(tu ui.B per
m intml cure of Ayu' and Fever .or Cl.ills ami Fever
whether of short or loner statulinir. He refe.sto the
entire Western and South western country to bear hltn
lesii.oooy to the truth of the assertion, that in no case
whatever will it fail to cure if the dtrectiorsarestrict
ly followed and ca riedout. In a creat mmiy cases a
single dose has been sufficient for a cure, and whole
families have t een cured by a single bottle, with a per
fect restoration of the general health. It Is. how-ver,
prudent, and In every case more ret t tin t« cure, it its
use ts cot.'lnued in smaller doses for a week or two af
>er the disease has been checked, more especially in
difficult and l nsr giat rl'ng cases. Usually, this medl
: cine will not require any aid to keep the bowels in
Iprod order; should the patient, however, require a
cathartic medicine, aft-r h vtvtg t keo Ihroeorfonr
loses of the Tonic, a single .lose of RULLM VKIETA
BLK FAM’LY PI 1.1,8 will h e sufficiet t.
UR. JOHN BI LL’S
Principal Office
Xo. 40 Firth, ireiffi sir net,
Louisville, Ky,
Bull’s Worm Destroyer.
To my United States and World-wide Read
ers:
I 11.1VE received many testimor inis from profes
a onal and medical men, as my a I manse* and vari
ous public .lions have shown, all of which are genuine.
Tlie following from a highly educated and popular
php-icUn in Georgia, is certainty one of tlie most seri
sibl*- eninutuniuatiohf I have ever received. Ur. Clem
ent knows exactly what he speaks of, and his testimo
ny d.servee to be written in le teis of gold. Uear
what the Doctor say* of OulVh Worm De*tr yer
Vilianow. Walkerco., (ia, )
June 29th, 1866 )
DR. JOHN BULL—Dear Sir:—l have recently giv
en your “Worm Destroyer” several tMah, and tired it
wonderfully efficacious. I', baa not failed in a single
Ing.aiice, to have the wished-for effect. lam doing a
pretty Urge country practice, and have daily use for
some article of the kind. lam tree to C' nfess that 1
know of no remedy recommended by rite ablest author,
that is so certain and speeoy in its . Beets. t>n thecon
traiy they are uncertain in the extreme. My object
in writing you is to hod out upon what terms 1 can
get the medicine directly from you. If I can get it
upon easy terms, I shall use a great deal of it. lan
aware that the use of such articles Is contrary to the
teachings and practice of a great tm jority of the reu
ultir 1 tie of M. D.’s, but I see no just cause < r go.al
sense in discarding a remedy which w e know to be el-
Acient.(imply tecause wo may be ignorant ol it* com
bination. For my part, I shall make it a rule to use all
and at.y rce .iis to alleviate suffering hum o.ity which
I may be able to command—not hesitating because
seme one more ingenious than myself may have le mi
ll its effects first, and secured the sole right tc secure
hat know ledge. However, lamby no ra« ans anail
vneate or supporter of the thousands of worthies* nos
trums that flood the country, that purport to cure all
manner of disease to which hum in flesh is tieir.—
Please reply soon, and inform mg of your best terms.
I »>«,air, most respectfully,
JULIUS P. CLEMENT, M. D.
Bull’s Sarsaparilla.
A GOOD REASON F ft ß THE CAPTAIN’S FAITH,
READ THE CAPTAIN’S LETTER AND THE LET
TEKFROM HIS MOTHER.
Benton Barracks. Mo., April 30, 1566.
Dr. John Bull—Dear Sir: Knowing the efficiency
nf your Sarsaiarfila, anil the healing and beneficial
qualities it possesses, I send you the following state
ment of my case:
I was wounded about two years ago—was taken
prisoner and confined for sixteen months. Being
moved so often, my wounds have not healed yet. I
have not sat. up a moment since 1 was wounded. I
am shot through the hips. My general health is im
paired, and I need something to assist nature. I
have more faith in your Sarsaparilla than in any (bine
else. I wish that that is genuine. Please express me
half a dozen bottles, and oblige
(’apt. C. P. JOHNSON.
St. Louis, Mo.
T. The following was written April B#. 186fi, by
Mrs. Jennie Johnson, mother of Capt Johnson.
I>R. liltLL—Dear Sir; My husband. Dr. 0. S. John
son, wasa skillful surgeon and phis'cian in Central
New York, where lie died, leaving the ahov- C. P.
J -hnson to toy care. At thirteen yeats of age he had
a chronic dlar-hoe-* and scrofula, f- r which I gave
him your Sarsaparilla. IT CURED HIM. I have for
ten y-ars recommended it to many in New York. Ohio,
and lowa, for scrofula. feve r sores, and gener -I dehilt,
tv. P-rfect success has attended it. The cures effect
ed In some case* o/ wr of til'i amt fever *ores were
almost miracnhvs lam very anxious for my son to
again have recourse to your Sarsanorilta. He"is fear
ful of getting a spurious article. h*nee his writing to
you for it. His wounds were terrlb'e, but I believe he
will recover. Respectfully, JENNIE JOHNSON.
BULL’S CEDRON BITTERS.
authentic documents.
ARKANSAS HEARD FROM.
Testimony of Medical Men
Stony Point. White Cos., Ark., May 23,’G6.
DP.. JOHN BULL— Dear Sir: Last February I wrs
in Louisville purchasing Drugs, and I got some of
your Sarsappanlla and Oe iron hitlers.
My aon-in-law, who was with me in *ho store, has
been down witty rheumatism for some time, commen
ced on the Bitters, anr soon found Ills general health
Dr. Hist, who has been in bad health, tried them,
and he also improved.
Dr. Cwffee, who has been >n had health for several
rears —stomach and Urer a (Tee ted—b* Improved very
muen by the use of your Bitters. Indeed the Cerfrus,
Bt'tcrs has given you great Popularity in this settle
ment. I think 1 could sell ft great quantity of your
medicines tilts full—especially of your Cedron Bitters
and Sarsaparilla. Ship me vis Memphis, care of
‘’Ti walker.
All the above remedlea for sale by
L. H. BRADFIELD,
Druggist,
WAITEHALL STREET,
ATLANTA, GA
fob 2©,lßo*w?ly
HSLLYEK’S SELECT
HVTA-1..S SCHOOL,
CAH7ERS Vi!IE, GEORGIA,
S'ptin? Term of
this School, will open
on *b e Second Monday
in January next, eni' effi-jr"*
bracing six Scholastic Months
RATES OF TUITION
Wil Be The Same As Heretofore, Viz:
Firs Class, per Month “ “ $2 40
2nd “ “ “ “ “ 3 60
3rd « “ *• •• “ 5 00
U arge for Incidctktnls 50cts per Term.
Tuition to be paid (Quarterly, “lya
Dec. 13, 1869—ts.
CARTERSVILLE ACADEMY-
J. W. PRITCHETT. Principal.
Miss M. P. K.INGSHERUY, Assistant.
jflgv The exercises of this
Institution w ill be re
sunted on the 2nd
MONDAY in JAN’Y
next, and continue Six
Scholastic mouths.
The School will be what is ordinarily term
ed a Mixed School —i. e., open to both sexes ;
but boys and girls will be kept in separate
apartments, and no communication or asso
ciation allowed between them, except in the
recitation room, where, it is confidently be
lieved, they exert a mutually beneficial in
fluence upon each other.
The School will he limited to such a num
ber as can be Troperly taught and managed,
by two teachers; unless circumstances should
render it expedient lo employ another teach
er.
A Music Department will, probably, be
established for the benefit of the female pu
pils.
The terms will be substantially the same
as heretofore, payable quarterly, during the
first mouth in each quarter, viz:
Ist Class, per month, $2.00
2nd “ “ “ 300
3rd or classical “ 4.00
Contingent fee SI.OO per session.
Cartersville, Dec. 0, 1869.
Of* Tlie
MARIETTA FEMALE
COLLEGE.
REV. WM. A. ROGERS, A W3
PRESIDENT.
(Late President (irifiin Female College*)
TIIE SCHOLASTIC Year is divided in
to Three Terms of Three Calauder
Months each.
The Spring Term will open Ist of Fcbrua
ary, 1870.
The entire expense for a boarding pupil,
who takes no extra study is 210 dollars, ex
clusive of books, washing and lights.
X. B. —One-Third of the above charges
must be paid at the beginnsng of eaeh
Term: February Ist, Muy iat,
Ist.
A limited number of pupils can be accom
modated with Doard in tlie family of the
President, who resides in the College Build
ing.
Early application should be made by those
tvlio prefer their daughters should board in
College. Board may also be obtained in the
best families in the city at the same moder
ate rates.
iach Boarding Pupil must furnish one
pair of Sheets, one pair of Blankets or
Comforts, one Coverlet or Spread, one pair
of Pillow-cases, her own Towels, &c.
REMARKS :
The locality of Marietta is twenty miles
above Atlanta, and direct upon Western &
Atlantic Railroad, and surpasses any in
Georgia, in respect to health, pure air, water,
and natural scenerp. The citizens are intel
ligent, refined, Christian, and, as a community,
are resolved to devote their injluence, patron
aye and money, to the establishme it of a. first
class Female College in their midst.
We solicit your patronage.
Dec. 16th, 1869,—2m.
Cartersville High School
WILL BQ OPEN
FOR THE ADMISSION OF PUPILS
MALE AND FE3IALE,
In /iio House now occupied by CJol. J. C.
YOUNG, on the 10th of January, 1870. Pu
pils will be prepared for business or college.
figyStrict discipliue will be rigidly en
forced,
Public Examination and Exhibition at the
close of the Spring Session,
RATES OF TUITION.
FIHisT CLASS, per month, - - $2.60.
SECOND “ “ - - 8.50.
THIRD « “ " - - 4.50.
TUITIOUJ payable monthly, in advance.
RONALD JOHNSTON, Principal.
Mrs. M. K. JOHNSTON, Female Depart
ment Assistant.
jan 6 1870—ly.
SCHOOL NOTICE.
The School at Pine Log Masonic Insti
tute, Bartow County, will commence on the
Second Monday in January, 1870, under the
charge of Kcv J. M. Brittain, A. M.
The well established reputation of the
above named gentleman is sufficient to in
sure rapid advancement and thorough in
struction of all the students under his charge
Especial attention will be paid to morali
ty-
Board can be obtained in good families
for twenty-five students at SIO.OO per month.
The locality is perfectly healthy.
The patronage of the public is respect
fully soliciied.
COURSE OF INSTRUCTION WITH
RATES OF TUITION, FOR TEN
MONTHS 1 SESSION:
First Class —Orthography, Reading.
Writing, English Grammar, Geograpy, and
Arithmetic, SISOO.
Second Class —English Composition.
History, Book Keeping, Elementary Alge
bra, Anatomy, Physiology, and Hygiene,
Third Class—Natural Philossophy, As
tronomy, Minerology, Geology, Botany
Rhetoric, and Bourdon’s Algebra, - SBOOO.
Fourth Class—Mental and Moral Science,
Latin, Greek. French, and Higher Mathe
matics, - - - - - $35 00
BOARD.OF TRUSTEES.
A. A VINCENT, S. M. BRADFORD.
WILLIAM ALLEN, W. JL KING, T. A.
WORD, ABIXA JOHNSON. J. R. ADAIR,
Secretary.
n uiuors of the Period.
W hut jioiTiotis of th t bo iv are the
best travelers? The two wri.-ts.'
V\ bur kind of .sweetmeats did they
in the rt~k ? Pres< rrt-d pstirs.
\\ hv do thieves lead «. comfortable
j lifeßeen use they take things easy.
One rod makes an ‘aeher,’ as the
boy said u hen the sch >oiuiuster dust
! ed his buck.
In a thumler-storm, always got in
to a railroad truiu that has a good
conductor.
Why should a wood cutter never b<*
hungry ? Because he can always have
a chop by axing.
It has been asked, ‘When rain fnlU.,
does it ever get up ? Os course it does !
in dew time.
Does the man who weighs his words* |
use scales? If you ‘cut’an acquaint- j
auce, are you liable for an assault?
Wby does the new moon resemble
ft gkidy youth ? Becau o its too young
to give much reflection.
The saying that there is more pleas
ure in giving than receiving, is suppos
ed to apply chiefly to kicks, medicine
and advice.
A bachelor seeing the words ‘h’ami
iHes Supplied,’ over the door of a shop,
stepped in and said ho would take a
wife and two children.
Tombstones are but marks on the
road to show ue where the mortal and
immortal parted company.
A young man says that he cured
palpitation of the heart by the appli
cation of another palpitating heait to
the part aflected.
‘I can marry tiny girl I please,’ said
a young fellow, boastingly. ‘Very true,’
replied his waggish ccmpaniou—‘for
you can’t please any.’
‘Have you ever broken a horse ?’ in
qu real a horse jockey. ,No, not exact
ly,’replied Simmons,‘but I have bro
ken ih.ee or four wagons/
A young man in Cleveland announ
ces as his ‘mission/ to marry tlie wid
ow' Vandeibilt, when the Commodore
passes his chips.
A humorist at De-s Moines put a
litter of pups into a neighbors well,
and it wasn’t discovered until the fam
ily began to bark.
Lawyers must sleep move comforta
bly than people in general; it is imma
terial on which side they lie.
I iitiT.vßLE Schoolmaster.—‘.Now,
then, stupid, what’s that next word ?
what ccmes after cheese? Dull boy:
‘A mouse , sir.’
Spurgeon’s nose has become a mat
ter of London newspaper comment. —
It is as much red as his sermons.
‘Jake, lend me ten dollars till I sell
mj ulog*. JalkO OOoiUikljjly
sympathetically, ‘O, Jim, I wouldn’t
sell him.’
Fauiiy Fern having said that ‘men
of the present day are last/ Prentice
replies that ‘they have to be, to catch
the women.’
The following appears in a daily pa
per:
‘Wanted—girls for cooking.’ Have
we a cunniubai among us ?
At a recent railway festival the fol
lowing striking sentiment was given:
“Our ‘mothers’—The only faithful
‘tenders’ who never misplaced a
‘switch.’
Not having heard from the debating
societies, in relation to the conundrum,
‘Why do hens always lay eggs in the
day time ? a cotemporary answers,
Because at uight they are roosUrs.’
Boswell complained to Johnson that
the noise of the company the day be
fore made his head ache. ‘No, sir, it
was not the noise that made your head
ache; it was the sense we put in it,’
said Johnson.
“Has sense that effect upon the
head ?” inquired Boswell.
‘Yes sir,’ was the reply, ‘on heads
that are not use to it.’
‘What death would you prefer to
die said a person to another.
‘I don’t exactly know. I should like
to try seven or eight before deciding
the point.’
During an examination, a medical
student being asked:
‘When does mortification ensue ?’ re
plied :
‘When you pop the question, and
are answered no.’
‘Wouldn’t you call this the calf of a
leg?’ asked Bob, pointing to one of his
nether limbs,
“No,” replied Pat—‘l should call it
the leg of a calf.’
—Why is the letter It very unfortu
nate ? Because it is always in trouble,
wretchedness and misery, is the begin
ning cf riot and ruin, and is never
found in peace, innocence, or love.
A verdant Cape Codder, upon see
ing a locomotive, for the first time,
threw up his hands exclaiming, ‘By
thunder, what a darned great stove!’
Josh Billings say3: ‘I dou t believe
in bad luck bein sot for a man like a
trap; but I have known lots of folks
who, if there was any first rate bad
luck lying around loose, would be sure
to get oue foot into it enuyhow.’
Forty-seven men who were drawn
as jurors for one county of Georgia,
were excused from service on account
of having young babies at home, and j
the court was adjourned until the ba- i
by season was over.
‘Sauuny, run to the store and get
some sugar.’
‘Excuse me, ma — l’m somewhat in
disposed, ;his morning. Send father,
and tell him to bring a paper of tobac
i co along.’
j . man being asked, as he lay sun
ning lihuself on the grass, what was
t Ln U knight of his ambition, replied,
i ro ruarry a rich widow with a verv
bad cough.’
Ara ser «f poultry, in Loa-iana,
has and ig a well at the entn nee of his
hen hot-a,. and j laced a tilting cover
on iv. Ilia catch uveiagts one darkev
a night.
| A lady who wns very modest and
submissive before marriage, was ob
: -served by her friend to use her t mgue
pretty fre« ly after. ‘There was a time
when I almost imagined she had n me/
| ‘Yes, said her husband, ‘but it is very
; louy since/
•Wlnat does the minister say ah )it
our new cemetery, ’ asked Mr. Hin -s.
‘He don’t like it at all; he says he
won’t be buried there as long as he
lives.’
‘Well/ said Hines, ‘if the Lord spares
my life, 1 will’
An apothecary’h boy was lately sent
to leave at one house a box of pills, and
at another six live fowte. Con fust and
on the way, he 1. ft the pills where the
fowls should lmvo gone, and the fowl s
at the pill place. The folks who re
ceived the fowls were astonished at
reading the accompanying direction:
‘Swallow one every two hours.’
FcuiitileaUlicH of the Bay.
London has one hundred thousand
bad women.
A cramped waist betokens brains in
a similar condition.
An old maid of our village says mar
riage is like .ny other disease —while
there’s life there’s hope.
Never ask a woman, who is over
twenty -five, her age. It is impertinence
treadmg on tue garments of indelicacy.
Why are ladies extavagant in
clothes? Because when they buy a
new dress they generally wear it out
the firs t day'.
Anna Dickinson says she will be an
M. C., within ten years. The query is
propounded: Does that stand for the
Mother of Children.
A girl must certainly be getting in
to the lumber business when she pines
for a spruce young man ol whom she
thinks a great deal. -
The complexion of a girl of the peri
od differs from the railway season tick
et —the one is, and the other is not,
transferable.
The Mortal Coil.- —Fashionable
young lady, detaching her hair before
retiring: ‘What dreams may come
when we have shuffled oil’ this mortal
coil 1’
‘l’m aftiid you'll c<une to want/ said
an old indy to her daughter.
•‘I have come to want already,’ was
the reply; ‘I want a nice young man.’
TV-re is a lady at Sutton, New York,
who was marrieu ax iweive years in
ago, who is the mother of sixteen
children, weighs two hundred and ten
pounds, and is ‘fair, fat and forty/
The Empress of the French has pur
chased a plot of ground from the Sul
tan, situated near Mount David, in
Palestine, where the Virgin Mary *vi?s
buried, for the sum of four thousand
dollars.
‘Blue sky filled with music* is the
name of s Seneca Indian girl near Buf
falo, who has just manned a pale face.
She must he one of those wind
instruments.
A Miss Lucy Lee advertises in a
Mississippi paper that she is of good
birth and education, and is willing to
marry an editor, believing herself able
to support one.
‘How canto such a greasy mess in
the oven V’said a fidgey old spinster
to her maid-of-all-vvork.
‘Why.’ replied the girt, ‘the candles
fill into the water and I put them in
tiie oven to dry.’
A country girl, coming from the
field was told by her cousin that she
looked as fresh us a daisy kissed by the
dew. ‘Well, it wasn’t any feller by
that name, bu . it was Sye Jones, that
kissed me. I told him that every one
in town would find it out.’
The lady principal of a school, in
her advertisement, mentioned her fe
male assistant, and the ‘reputation
for teaching which she bears;’ but the
printer loft out the word ‘which;’ so
the .• dvortisement went forth com
mending the lady’s ‘reputation for
teaching she bears.’
Oh. the wretch!—A miserable speci
men oi a male man says that giving
the ballot to women would not amount
to much, for none of them would ad
mit that they were old enough to vote
until they wore too oid to take any in
terest in politics.
‘Husband, I wish you would buy me
some pretty feathers.'
‘lndeed, my dear littlo wife, you
look better without them.’
‘Oh, no,’ said she coaxingly: ‘you al
ways call me your little bird, and how
does a bird look without feathers?
A young wife remonstrated with
her husband, n dissipated spendthrift,
on his conduct. ‘Mv love,’ said he, T
am only like the Prodigal Son; I shall
reform by-aiul-by.’ ‘And I will be like
the Prodigal Son, too,’ she replied, ‘I
will arise and go to my father.’ And
off she went.
‘I am past usefulness,’ said an old
lady to her minister; ‘the Lord spares
my days, but I can do no good now.’'
‘You arc doing a great deal of good,’ I
said the minister. You help me to j
preach every sabbath.’
Os course she was very much sur
prised. Help her mmiater to preach !
‘Why, how ?’
‘ln the first place,’ said he, ‘you are
always in your seat at church, and
that helps me. In he second place, I
often see te.rs running down your
cheeks, and that helps me vrry much.’
A Southern orator, speaking of the
j battle of Bull Kuo, said: ‘The Fede
j rals ran so fast that the hard tack rat
: (led in their sto»u<i..ht> li«.c oeans ni i:
sheet iron p„£i.
NO. 30.
, A temperance lecturer, descanting
on the superior virtues of cold water,
remarked: ‘When the world had ie
i come so corrupt tba: the Lord could
do nothing with it, he was obliges] tv
give it a thorough sousing in cold wa
(ter,’ ‘Yes,’ replied a toper presett,
‘but it killed every critter on the face
! of the earth *
“No, I Thank You.”—At a sitting
in Hartfort, recently, there was pre
sent a woman who mourned the loss of
her consort, and as the minifet-itation
began to appear, the spirit of the de
parted Benedict entered upon the
scene. Os course the widow was now
eager to engage in conversation with
the absent one, and the following dia
logue eiisu- and :
Widow—“ Are you in the spirit
world?”
Tbo Lamented—“l am.'
Wid ow—“ltow long have vou been
there?”
The Lamented—“O, some time.”
Wid jw— “Don’t you want to come
back and be with your l mely wife?”
The Lamented—“ Not if I know my
self, It’s hut enough around here.”
Anew township had been organi
zed, out of an old one, and “old W.‘
an honest farmer, was elected Justice
of the Peace. He was new to the bus
iness, and the boys longed for some
kind (fa trail to see how he would
make it go. After waiting a long
time for something in the legal line to
turn up, some of them had a sham
light, and one party caused the arrest
of the other. Several witnesses were
examined, and the boys bad a good
time generally. A t the close of the
trial, the justice fined them all ten dol
lars each, Then the boys laughed,
and told him the joke had gone far
enough—they wore in fun all the
time.
“You was in fun, was yon?” said th
old man, striking his hand fist savage
ly on the table.
“You was in fun, was you? We],
I’ll be d—d if I am, you’ll pay that
line, every dog of you, or go to jail.”
Unwilling to go to Heaven. —There
was a clergyman who often become
vexed at hading bis lntie grauchildreu
in his study. One day one of these
little children was standing by ms
mother’s side and she was speaking to
him of heaven.
“Ala,” said he. “I don’t want to go
to heaven.”
“Don’t want to off to heaven my
son?”
“No, mu, I'm sure I don’t.”
“Why not my son?”
urmnmuina will he these
won i he:
“Yes, l hope he will.”
“Well, just as soou as he sees us, he
will come scolding along, and s.w>,
“Whew ! whew ! whew! what are these
boys here for?”
A steamboat on the Mississippi pass
ed a drowning man. The poor leiiow
struggle,i, splashed, thundered and
screamed for dear life. The pilot of
the steamer yelled to him to ‘ sianu
u, 1” He did so, and found the water
scarcely knee deep. A more foolish,
sueepish appealing man than he, as
the ladies and gentlemen on the boat
screamed with laugter at the Ludicrous
scene, it would be hard to hud.
Suakp Pkactige on Toll Keeker—
A L;u ayetto min trei, riciug a pump
kin colored son el, perpetrated a neavy
sell on a toil g..ie Keeper near La Fay
ette. one day last week. He rode up
unobserved ami quo. my turning .'.is
horse face about, directly opposite to
the uhccuou he wanted to go, called
to the toll keeper who by this time
had come out! “How much to f”
“awonly cents,” answered the toll
keeper. "Too high!" replied the soli
tary horseman, '“can’t pay it. Guess
I’ll go biu k.” He turned bis horse
about and proceeded m precisely the
direction he wanted to go—the toll
gater never dreaming of the sail.
The other day we heard a good, in
deed a "surprising, story of a lady in
Brooklyn who wanted to surprise her
husbauu with a dozen of shirts. She
went to a furnishing store in Fulton
street, and asked it they could “make
a dozen shirts, and wished them sent
home uui ing her husband’s absence.
The clerk took the order, but request
ed her to “step this way a moment.”
She did so, when the furnisher whip
ped out a tape measure and proceed
ed to take the breadth of her shoulders.
“ *Yhy, what are you doing, sir ?” de
manded the astonished lady. “Why,
taking your measure, to be sure! 1 ” was
the confident reply. “How else are w<
to make your shirts?” “My shirts!
Why, didn't I tell you the shirts were for
my husband? 7 “No, Mada u; 1 thought
they iverefor you/ was the reply.
‘Do make yourself at home, ladies,
said a lady mie day to her visitors
“I am at home myself, and I wish yc u
were.”
“So, you say that walking sticks
came into use very long ago?" “Not a
doubt of it; clout, we read that Adam
had a Gain?”
To remove stains from character -
Get rich.
You can’t prevent the birds of sad
ness from flying over your he-d, but
you may prevent them from stopping
to build their nesia there.
A knowing traveler out West, who
had chartered half t bed at a crowd
ed hotel, and wru determined to have
Ihe Ihalf, buckled a spur on bis
heel before turning in. His unfortu
nate sleeping partner bore ti e inflic
tion as long as he could, and at I st
! roared out: "Say stranger, ifvoa’ie
I a gentleman you ought to cut off yum
' coo lutiis.”
Unexpected Ret..*. -At a r <. ant
Sabbath School Com art in a , ;bu tan
church, the ordinance v*( • u
administered. The c!--;;. vsiian in
charge expressed gmfifim lion that On*
occasion offered him so go-d ..a op
portunity t<> explain to o t .
the nature of the service. Bv w»v of
illustration, ho s ti. 1 ; “In T-sta
rnont times, blood ms offered as nu
at oning sacrifice, hence u wa- *j>okr i
of as n purifier: but w! at in used as
an emblem of parity now *.<j*ys—
w’uit element eonvcyn the idea of per
fected cleanliness?” * A moment’s si
lence, and a doz» n lithe voice.-* sque.. k
ed out—“soup!*
Apoening intc one of onr colored
churches last Sunday, we wre not t%
little amused to hear the said orator
his auctions face glowing wit 1 piety
and perspiration—exclaim m an agony
of penitence: “OLord we know wo
are prone to stray into bv and i)t for
hidden path*—O Lord. h> re mercy
upon us poor sinners, of which Ii n
chief among ten thousand isnd *] to
gether lovely!” Our risible war* Mr
cited, and fearing we might • guilty
>f a breach of dm rum, we • < i tly slip
ped ont the open door, and left ths
prayer still ascending.
A man, on hearing of another who
was a hundred years old, said, con
!en p'uously, “Pshaw! what a firs
about nothing. Why. if my grand
father were alive, he w ould boa hun
dred and fifty years old.”
A person who was sent to prison
for morn ing two wives, excused him
self by saving “that, when he had one*
she fought him, but when he got two
they fought each other.”
Lust week a man fell a little in his
owu estimation, but soon rero ered.
This circumstance hould caution oth
ers against entertaining very high
opinions of themselves.
A man lately advertised in a paper
he would send to any address a hand
some package,Vontaing one hundred
presents. Each package turned out
to be a paper of pins.
"\nd yc have taken the teeolnl
pledge, have ye?” said somebody to an
Irishman. “Indade I have, nod am
not ashamed of it nitluw.” “And d-d
not Paul tell Timothy to t ike a little
wino for his stomach’s sake!” “S > h-%
did ; but my name is not Timothy, and
there is nothing the matter with my
stomach.”
A bright little girl in West Spring
field, on seeing a novel carriage pass,
labeled, “Weed sewing machine,”
said: “Papa, is that the machine they
c >w weed seeds with?”
Wiiat did he Mean. —Two French
friends met.
“Ah, good day! How are you?”
“Pretty well.”
“And your wife?”
“She is traveling.”
“For her health?”
“No, for mine.”
An ice-house laborer being killed by
a lump of ice falling ou his bead, the
verdict was, “Died of hard drink.”
The Dartmouth College boys invent
original derivations of words; as, for
instance, the word restaurant, they put
down u-v* enmnrnwl ofrvi, thin". and
taunts, « Inn!, the wuMe
indicating a bit /y thirty, which tiuy are
>ound to patronize.
Illegal husbandry—Thrashing a
w r ife.
Counter attractions—Pretty lady
clerks.
Another new reading—Man propos
es but womans accepts.
A friend nt a pinch-—One who shar
es his snuffbox with you.
Aqnactie sports—The race of milk
men for the nearest hydrant.
A little girl w nted to s:o that she
had a ifin, h't and forgotbi what it
was called; so she descri’ it a* ft
“thing to brush the warm 1 off you
with.”
A horse dealer was asked if a horse,
which lie offered for side was timed.
“Not at all,'’ said he: “he of en pass
es many nights by himself in the sta
ble.”
Bobert Hall did not lose lis power
of retort., even in madness. A Lypo
eritic 1 condoles with bis misfortunes
once visited him in the IMwI-loum* and
said, in a whining tone, "What brought
yon here. Mr. Hall?” Hall signifi
cantly touched his brow with his finger
and replied, “What never will bring'
you, sir—too ruueh brain.”
To get more than one hundred cents
for a dollar—lnvest it in a bottle of
perfumery.
Out of Piacf.— Why is a woman
mending her stoi kings deformed?—Be
cause bar hands are where her feet;
belong.
Caught on Tire Jury.
A gentleman residiug several miles
from Louisville, Ivy., has been in the
habit of sending his waiting-boy with
the buggy back home, with the fol
lowing message:
“Tell my wife I’m caught on that
and and jury again.”
His wife, to bo sure, little suspected
that the jury was n set of boou com
panions bent on “a high old time.”
and the determination not “to go homo
till morning.”
A few days since he sent said wait
er-bov to town after some necessary
jird-b's.
j The boy fell in with friends, got ele
j vated and t »p-heavy, and pitched out
i >f the buggy.
| The b''>•'** snd buggy arrived homo
j a’! right, but the loy did not make
his appearance until next dftj
With a stem countenance our jury-
I nian called the boy u;» an-t demanded
| why he did not come up m the proper
| time: , .
I “By golly, uiftssu. I was notched on
I de (V— —and jury.”
When ft lady is said to boos a “oer
■ tnin age,” you may tak< ; t for gran
ted that her age m very certain. Tho
certainty is that she is forty, if she is
a day.
When may a man be said to be
j throughly “sewn up?” \Va,-u he has
p:ns ,'tul u*"'. ..L., iu Ins fool And A fttltck
j a his eider