Newspaper Page Text
Creorgiap,
PUBLISHED every th UR 'Di Y
"“AT -
BELLTON. GA.
®Y JOHN BLATS.
9 ‘ P * r an ‘ nm ’ SO C€als for “
aionihs; 25 cents forth ceuouth'.
froal beliu “ are requeued
to send their mints, with each amounts of
moDej a* tiiey can Fpare, fiom 2cc. to |l.
rOVBAUE, GENIUS. LOVE.
BY HOKACE P. BIDDER.
A« the tree must brake lhe Flora
Ere it prcTee its stalwart form,
Ai the knife muet wound the vine
r.re it brings us grape or wine,
bo the prrw must crush the bloom
raw it yields iti sweet perfume.
Never hero yet was brave
'J ill he met toe field nr wave,
Never weniue sw«e-ly sung
Till itsxnirden«d heart was wrung,
Never lover truly wooed
Till in agony he sued.
Onrage cannot prove its power.
Reeling in a shady bower.
It mnM meet the battle’* strife,
Daring danger* where they’re rife,
And must bravely conquer death
Ere it wins the hero’s wreath.
Genius must endure its fate,
Struggle with the world and wait,
Robbed nf what its works have earned,
Starved while living—dying spumed.
Crowned when deaa—how sag the doom I
T-aurtls cannot warm the tomb.
Love must suffer, grieve and weep,
Wrice and Weed, yet never
Bear its paDga, so keen, so hard,
Give its all without reward;
Blew a cherriew world, then die,
Seeking gill r love on high.
- A oil. mo THbwwe.
THE MYSTERIOUS PORTRAIT.
Tn a tmall Tut handsomely furnished
sitting-room in a London hotel, a young
lady was sitting in an easy chair, before
a blazing fire, one dreary November
afternoon. Her hat and cloak lay upon
the table beside her, and frem the
eager, impatient glances she turned
toward the door at every sound of a
footstep on the staircase outside, it was
evident that she expected a visitor.
At last the door opened and a tall,
aristocratic-looking young mau entered
the room.
“Harry, what a long time you have
been!” she exclaimed, springing up
fn m her seat. “ What news have you
brought? What does your father say
about our—our marriage?” hesitating
with the shyness of a bride at the last
word.
“ Read for yourself, Helen,” replied
her husband, banding her an onen let
ter, and stat ding opposite her, leaning l
against the marble mantelpiece, watch
ing intently the expression of her fair
face as she read :
“ In marrying as you have done, you
have acted in direct opposition to my
wishes. From this day you are no
longer my son, and 1 wash my hands of
you forever!”
“Harry, why did you not tell me of
this L fore?” exclaimed Helen, as she
read the hard, cruel words, looking up
through her tears into her husband’s
face
“ My darling, what was there to tell 1
■How couftl I know that my father
would act in this bard hearted manner?
I knew that he wisln d me to marry the
daughter of a nobleman living near
Marston Hall, and so unite the two
estates; but I had no idea he would cast
me off for disob ying his wish. And
even if I bad known it,” he added,
fondly claspirg his young bride to bis
heart, and kis-ing away ’he tears from
her eyes, “ I should not have acted dif
ferently. My' Helen is worth fifty
estates, and as long as she loves me 1
shall ne'er regret the loss of Marston
Hall, and its fair acres Bu*, my love,”
he continued more seriously, “ there is
an end of your promised shopping ex
pedition into Bond street. You will
have to do without d amonds, now that
your husband is a penniless outcast, in
stead of the heir to £15,000 a year.”
“Hush, Harry! Flease don’t talk
like that.” she said, hurt at bis bitter
tone. “You know that it was not of
diamonds and dress I wss thinking.
But what are you goir g to do, Harry ?”
she continued, laying her hand upon bis
arm, and looking up sadly into his pale,
•et face. “ You cannot work for a liv
ing-”
"And why not work for a living?” he
exclaimed, in a determine i vo’ce. “Be
cause I happen to b> the son of a Faro
net, brougitupand educated without
any ideas or knowledge of business?
But I will work for my living, ard
show my little wife that I am not quite
unworthy of the trust and confidence
she repo-ed in me when she placed this
little hand in mine,” he added, stooping
to kiss the small white hand that rested
co'fiding’y nnon his arm.
It was while pursuing his favorite
study of oil paintings among the famous
galleries of Rome that Hariy Marston
wooed and won Helen Tracy, governess
in an Engli-h family residing in Italy,
and the orphan daugnter of an officer in
the army. Before he bad known her a
month, Harry, who had been in love—
or fancied himself in love—with at least
half a dozen different young ladies in as
many months, felt that he had at last
met his fate.
Delighted at the idea of being loved
for himself alone, he had not told her of
his real position, and it was not until
after the marriage ceremony was over
that Helen discovered that she had
married the eldest son of a Baronet, and
the heir to an estate producing £15,000
a year.
It was not without some inward mis
giving that Harry wrote to his father
telling him ot his marriage, which were
more than realized by the result, as we
have seen by the letter from Sir Philip
Marston, which awaited him at bis clun
on his return to England with his bride.
But, full of confidence in his ability
to maintain hint-elf and his young wife
by his own exertions, and thinking that
surely his father would relent and be
reconciled to him after a time, Harry
troubled hims-e f very little about his
lost inheritance; and though their new
home— consisting of three small, poorly
fnynished rooms in a back street-—was
The North Georgian.
VOL. 111.
very different from the grand old man
sion to which he had hoped to take his
bride, he set to work cheerfully at his
favorite art, and tried hard to earn a
livingby painting pictures and portraits.
But he soon found that it was not so
easy as he thought.
It was all very well when he was heir
to Marston Hall, and studied painting
merely from love of art; but picture
dealers, who in those days had b<en all
flattery and obsequiousness to the young
heir, now that be really wanted to sell
his pictures and sketches, shook their
beads, and politely but firmly declined
to purchase.
At last, one dreary afternoon, when
Harry was sitting in the little room he
called his studio, trying to devise some
new scheme to replenish his slender
purse, the servant opened the door and
ushered a white-haired old gentleman
into the room.
Placing a chair by the fire for his
visitor, Harry inquired his business.
“You are a portrait-painter, I believe,
sir?” said the old gentleman, looking at
him through his gold spectacles.
“ That is my profession, sir,” replied
Harry, delighted at the thought of hav
ing found a commission at last.
“ Well, sir, I want you to paint the
portrait of my daughter.”
“ With pleasure, sir,” said Harry,
eagerly. “ When can the lady give me
the first sitting?”
“Alas! sir, she is dead—dead to me
these twenty years, and I killed her—
broke her heart with my harshness and
cruelty!” exclaimed the old man, in an
excited, trembling voice.
A strange chill came over Harry, as
the idea that his mysterious visitor
must be an escaped lunatic crossed his
mind; but mastering, with an effort, his
emotion, the stranger continued:
“Paidon me, young sir. This is of no
interest to you. My daughter is dead,
and I want you to paint her portrait
from my description, as I perfectly well
remember her twenty years ago.”
“ I will do my best, sir, but it will be
no easy task, and you must be prepared
for many disappointments,” said Harry.
Having given a long description
of the fi rm and leal urea of his long
lost daughter, the old man rose to de
part. ana for weeks Harry worked inces
santly upon the mysterious portrait of
the dead orirl, making sketch after
sketch, each of which was rejected by
the remorse stricken father, until the
work began. to exercise a strange kind
of fascination over him, and be sketched
face after face, as if under the influence
ot a spell.
At last, one even’ng, wearied with a
day of fruitless exertion, he was sitting
over the fire watching his wife, who sat
opposite, busy upon some needlework,
when an idea suddenly flashed upon
Him.
“ Tall, fair, with golden hair and dark
blue eyes? Why Helen, it is the very
picture of yourself?” he exclaimed,
starting from bis seat, taking his wife’s
fair face between his two bands, and
gazing intently into her ey< s.
Without losing a moment he eat down
and commenced to sketch Helen’s face;
sr.d when his strange patron called the
next day, Harry was so busily engaged
putting the finishing touches to his por
trait that he did not hear him enter the
r< om, and worked on for some moments
unconscious of his presence, until, with
the cry of “Helen, my daughter!” the
old man hurritd him aside, and stood
entranced before the portrait.
After gazing for some minutes in
silence, broken only by his own half
suppressed sobs of remorse, the old man
turned slowly rround to Harry, and
asked him in an eager voice where be
had obtained the original of the picture.
“ It is the portrait of my wife,” re
plied fie.
“Your wife, sir! Who was she?
Pardon me for asking the question,” he
added; “but I have heard lately that
my poor Helen left an orphan daughter,
and for the last six montns I have been
vainly trying to find the child of my
lost daughter, so that by kindness and
devotion to my grandchild I might, in
part at least, atone for my harshness
toward her mother.”
Harry was beginning to tell him the
story of his meeting with Helen at
Rome, and their subsequent marriage,
when the door opened, and his wife en
tered the room.
Perceiving that her husband was en
gaged, she was about to retreat, when
the old gentlelman stopped her, and,
after looking earnestly in her face for a
few moments, exc aimed, “ Pardon me,
madame—can you tell me your mother's
maiden name?”
“ Helen Treberne,” replied Helen,
wonderingly.
“I knew it—l knew it!” exclaimed
the old man, in an excited voice. “At
last I have found the child of my poor
lost daughter!”
In a few words Mr. Treherne ex
plained how he had cast off his only
child on account of her marriage with a
poor officer, and refused even to open
her letters when she wrote asking for
forgiveness.
“ But, thank Heaven I” said he. when
he had finished h:s sad story, “ I can
atone in some measure for my harsh
ness toward my Helen by taking her
Helen to my heart, and making her my
daughter.”
- It is needless to add that, when Sir
I Philip Marston heard that his son had
married the heiress of one of the finest
and oldest estates in the country, he at
once wrote a letter of reconciliation to
Harry, and, after all, Helen eventually
became mistress of Marston Hall, in the
picture gallery of which no painting is
i more valued and treasured than “The
I Mysterious Portrait,”
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA., APRIL 29, 1880.
SOUTHERN NEWS.
Georgia has 219,728 Baptists.
Only nine counties in Texas are with*
out newspapers.
The Atlanta Cotton Factory has 500
employes at work.
In Gibson County, Tennessee, David
Holt killed 1 800 partridges within six
months.
Dr. Brisseld, of Beafort, S. C., ex
pects to grow 50,000 bushels of rice this
year.
A Number of capitalists from differ
ent parts of Georgia arc investing in
real estate in Atlanta.
Louisville has 741 physicians. Ths
number of medical societies in the Slat'
is thirteen.
The contract has been let for the erec
tion of a public library building in At
lanta, to cost $20,900.
During the month of March 144
white persons left North Carolina fo’
Western States.
The Freedmen's Bank building at
Jacksonville, Fla., which cost 430,’00,
has been sold for $15,000.
Sponge fishing isan important interest
at Key Wtf.,l Fa. Over $25,600 worth
of sponge was sold at that place last
week.
At the Nashville Centennial will lie
exhibited a razor that once belonged to
George Washington and a violin that
belonged to Thomas Jefferson.
During the last thirty days over
1.000 cars of Wisconsin ice have been
shipped South over the Louisvil'e and
Nashville and Alabama and Grea*
Southern Railroads.
The Barlow gold-mines at Dahlonega,
Ga., will soon have in running order a
forty-stamp mill, one of the largest and
best gold-mills in this country. It is
run by water power.
Atlanta proposes to
for the erection of a bu Iding for the
Normal School founded by the Trustees
of the Peabody fund. Dr. Sears says
that at least $25,000 must be furnished.
The United States Government hat
decided to locate a marine hospital at
Blackbeard Island, near Brunswick. G-
All vessels coming from'"feetrd j -.’
will have to touch there, be ' inspected,
fumigated, etc., before being permitted
to come up to that town.
Little Rock Democrat: Joe Aj-oner,
the natural curiosity now on exhibition
at the American Museum, is certainly
ahead of all as a curiosity. He is only
thirty-seven inches high, thirty-four
years old, and weighs 100 pounds; was
born in Desha County, Ark., of Choctaw
and French parents, who now reside in
Mississippi. He is of sallow complexion,
long, black hair, small, black mustache,
and large, full, gl iringeyes. He has a
shell on his back, and, taken altogether,
very much resembles a turtle.
Galveston (Texas) Neus: Bastrop
Cdunty abounds in pecan trees, wild
honey and opossums. Wiley Hill re
lates that a gentleman having found
bees in a pecan tree on Walnut ( reek,
near Hill’s prairie, took a friend with
him and the two cut down the tree,
which was a very large one. In the
body of the tree they found an immense
quantity of honey, of which they took
all they wanted and gave the rest to
their neighbors. They carried away a
limb of the tree in which was a fine
quantity of honey and a good hive of
bees. In another hollow Hmb of the
same tree they found eighteen opossums.
Recipe for the Modern Successful Play.
[From the New York Graphic.]
No plot.
Or but the stub end of a plot.
Songand a'r from “Fatinitza.”
More airs from “ Pinafore.”
Parody on " Pirates of Penzance,”
more or less.
Songs and airs from everything.
Two good female dancers.
One sacred melody to give tone.
One male dapcer.
One ma'e acrobat, with India-rubbev
| legs and arms.
Ladies all pretty and robust.
i One slang phrase to every twenty-five
I words.
Short skirts, well turned ankles, and
i fancy hosiery.
Tons of highly colored pictures and
posters.
Printed opinions of the “play ” from
United States ex-Senators and ex-
Uoited States Ministers from Cape
Town or the Short Cake South Pacific
Islands.
Good for 10,000 nights and SIO,OOO
per month profit.
The sizes are marked on French-made
shoes in centimetres, so that what in
America would be about No. 5, in Paris
[is No. 40 and so on up. This fact will
prevent American ladies from wearing
French made shoes. They don’t like
the sound of the thing.— Boston Post.
Agitators who are crying loudly for
equality among men are more willing
to rise to the equality of a millionaire
than they are to seek that equality be
low their present standing. Human
nature preserves a fair average among
all classes.
Habits of Thurlow Weed.
(New York C-crrespcnaenee New Orleans Picayune.]
The veteran journalist and diplomat
attributes his remarkable phvsical pres
ervation, at the age of eigfny-two, to
recular habits long continued.’ Before
his eight o’clock breakfast, be eats
either half a largo apple or an orange
from his daughter's orange grove in
Florida. For breakfast he haaoat meal,
the yolk of hard boiled ege», a piece of
toast, fish in season, like Spanish
mackerel and porgies, and English
breakfast tea. Occasionally the bill of
fare is varied with cold roast beef, a
saddle of mutton, or corned beef hash—
tbe latter usually on Sunday morning
A light lunch of cofn bread and butter
i.i served at one, varied by cold corned
beef or mutton and sometimes sardines.
Only water is drank at this meal. At
six o’clock fish in season is the chief
dish. No dessert except a little fruit.
Mr. Weed rises at seven and devotes the
forenoon to literary labors. In the
afternoon he sits in his library and
chaw with friends, and the evening is
also given up to social intercourse as a
rule. At ten o'clock he go'-s to his room
and some member of the family reads
from such authors as Dicken*, Thackeray
or Scott for an hour. Then prayer is
read from Rev. Ashton Oxendei.’s
“ Prayers for Private Use,” and at a
quarter past eleven the venerable gen
tleman arinks a glass of St. Croix run:
and vichy, and retires to what is almost
invariably sound and refreshing sleep.
Since his sunstroke, twelve years ago,
Mr. Weed has declined dinner partiej
and evening receptions. He smoked the
best mild Havana cigars for fifty years,
But th rteen years ago h's physician told
him that tobacco was effecting his
nerves, and he gave up its use imme
diately and entirely. He soon found
teat he wrote with greater facility than
before. In his earlier editorial life he
drank sparingly of champagne at din
ners but only socially. When he went
to the West Indies lor his daughter's
health, in 1854, be acquired a taste for
tbe famous rum brewed by planters for
their own use and hss used it since as
described for a “night cap.” He drinks
no other time, although his cellar is full
of wine. In regard to the temperance
cause, he says: “I am with those who
seek to mitigate the evils of intemper
ance; for while human nature is what it
all prohibitory laws must fail. A
ifce vigor of efforts in other directions
would yield good results. If I were a
younger man I would labor to make
,'urs a great grape-nrowing country, so
wit* might be as cheap as cid.r,
I and I would impooo an almost prohibi
i tive tariff upon imported and distilled
I liquors. I would strive to make A meric i
! what France is—a sober country.”
I .
A New Occupation for Women.
[HrrlbTK-r’fl MagHzlne.]
With tbe exception of the double
bass (violin) and the heavier brass—in
deed I am not sure that these excep
tions are necessary—therein no instru
ment of the orchestra which a woman
cannot play successfully. Tbe ex'ent,
depth, and variety of musical cspabil
j ity among the women of the Un'ted
State® are continual new sources of
astonlshmentand pleasure to this writer,
although his pursuits are not specially
[ of a nature to bring them before his at
lent ou. It may be asserted without ex
travagance that there is no limit to the
possible achievements of our country
women in this behalf, if their efforts be
on'-e turned in tbe right direction. This
direction is unquestionably, the orches
tra. All the world has learned to play
ihe p ; ano. Let our young lad'es—al
ways saving, of course, th 'se who have
the gft for the special instrument—
leave that and address themselves to the
violin, theflut“, the oboe, the harp, the
claiionet, the bassom, the-kettle-drum.
It is more than possible that upon some
of the-e instruments the superior dain
tiness of the female tissue might finally
make the woman a more successful play
er than the man. On the flute, for in
stance, a certain combination of delicacy
with flexibility in the lips is absolutely
necessary to bring fully out that pas- i
sionatc, yet velvety tone hereinbefore
alluded to; and many ma'e players, of
all requisite qualifications, so far as
manual execution is concerned, will be
forever debarred from attaining it by
reason of their intractable, rough tone.
The same, in less degree, may bn said of
tbe oboe and bassoon. Besides, the
quslitDs required to mate a perf ct
orchestral player are far more often
found in women than in men ; for these
qualities are patience, fervor and fideli
ty, combined with deftness of hand and
quick intuitiveness of soul.
Fast Horses.
The running horse in this country is
not so valuable as the trotter. Pierre
Lorillard paid $18,00!) for the famous
runner Falsetto, three years old, recently
sent to England. Mr. Keene paid $15,-
000 for Spendthrift. When we come to
the trotters we find the prices up. Mr.
Bonner paid $40,000 for Pocahontas,
$33,000 for Rarus, $33,000 for Dexter,
$20,000 for Startle, sl6 000 for Edwin
Forrest, and $15,000 for Grafton. Mr.
■ Smith, of New Jersey, paid $35,000 for
Go dsmith Maid, 32,000 for Jay Gould,
$30,000 for Lady Thorne. $25,000 for
Lucy, and $17,000 for Tattler. Mr.
Vanderbilt paid $21,000 for Maud S.,
and SIO,OOO for Lysander Boy. The
largest sum ever paid for a horse in Eng
land, where they have few trotters, was
close on to $72,060, paid for Doncas’.er
by the Duke of Westminiter.
“ You look good enough to eat,” said
he, looking over her shoulder into the
mirror. “ Food for reflection,” she re
plied without a «mile.
NO. 17.
The Impositlonal Hotel.
INew York Graphic.]
Very high-toned aud stylish at the
rate of ten cents per minute. “We
never make lew than half a day in our
bills.” A dollar extra charged on the
least provocation. It’s beneath the Im
positional Hotel’s dignity to trifle with
a lesser sum.
The traveler buys a meal for $1 or
$1.25. The man hired by the landlord
to bring him the victuals expects 25
cents gratuity for doing what he has
already been paid for. The traveler is in
the toils of the Impositions!: he feels
that he must keep up a “style” befitting
the hotel: besides, who likes to appear
sm’all and picavunish in .the eyes of a
negro man ana brother who waits on
him?
If the traveler at the m-a's wants a
glass of lager, whisky, or other bever
age, be must pay twice or thrice the
amount asked at a bar forty feet dis
tant. Ditto if he rtqu'res tbe same
brought to his room, besides another
quarter to the negro man for bring
ing it. Nobody pretends to give any
reason for these high taxes and extor
tions. It’s necessary in order to con
form to the style bentting the Imposi
tions!. No one dares to do otherwise.
The public it a most patient and tract
able Beast, and seldom rebels or kicks
over the traces of the Irapositional har
ness.
Washing st rates double those at out
side laundries, and one collar over,
counted as an additional dozen.
A plate of soup carried to a sick wom
an’s room $1 extra. All oranges taken
from the table charged extra. Board
$7 per day, and every violation of the
Impositions! Hotel etiquette fined sl.
Newspapers at the hotel stand double
the price of the same outside tbe hotel
door.
All requests deemed needless by the
dignified Impositions! Hotel clerk, 50
cents extra. Extra fees to chamber
maid and porter on leaving. Tooth
picks used after midnight 50 cents ex
tra. Terms $7 per day, and everything
extra. If accompanied by wife and
children all “extras” doubled. Baths
at the Impositions! three times the
price charged at tbe barber’s, next
block. Mattress punched once by
chambermaid constitutes an Imposi
tions! “ made-up ” bed.
Gloves, etc , dropped accidentally on
your room floor, chambermaid's per
quisites, nnd never seen afterward.
French dictionary necessary to inter
pret bill of fare. Rancid butter in the
gravies, and patent powder fox doctor
ing the soup to a rich brown hue.
Twenty-five different narqps for the
same kind of soup, month in and month
out. “E Plunbus Unum,” if not
“ Unum E I’luribus.” For “ chicken”
understand old hen. Old eggs in every
style. Fried panfish kept warm four
hours in the oven and dried to skin.
Boiled tea; a fresh cup any minute.
Fifty cents extra every fifteen minutes.
The Impositlonal is now running in
several parts of tbe country, and ready
to do guests day or ir'ght.
Mistress and Servant.
There must be a new relation between
mistress and servant, based on mutual
concession and mutual respect. The
mistress must abate that pet'y tyranny
which seeks to control the servant, body
and soul, by day and by night, as if the
fact of wages paid constituted an in
visible yoke of bondage, like the collar
of Gurth, the swine-herd.
For a certain sum the maid agrees to
render certain services, which can not
be 100 explicitly stated. When those
are done, her time ought to be consid
ered her own; and it should be the
duty and pleasure of her mistress to
teach her to spend it wisely, if she does
not know how. With this unnderstand
ing almost any servant could lie stimu
lated to great thoroughness and quick
ness in her work. And the mistress
should labor to make them understand
that their interests are allied to hers,
nor hostile to nor separated from them.
That any of these reforms should be
accomplished, it is nece-sary that the
term of service should be of a certain
fixity of tenure. It would tend to be
come so under better conditions, and if
housework were no longer felt to be the
lowest form of labor. But one remedy
which might be immediately applied is
the Irish system of “ discharge ” papers,
gach servant, on leaving a place, re
ceives a paper stating when the service
was entered upon, and when ended,
with tbe cause of dismissal or resigna
tion. Each new employer demands .to
see them, and the unwillingness of serv
ants to produce a folio of these pages
noticeably hinders their fugacious ten
dency. An unusual number of “dis
charges” shuts any well-kept and
desirable house against their possessor.
The conditions of household service
call for the best thought of the best
women. And they can not feel that
their duty is dischargad until there
grows out of the ruins of the old tyran
ny, on the one hand, and the old ser
vility on the other, a new relation of
mutual benefit, which, in many cases,
sha'l deserve the noble name of friend
ship
A Canada paper says the “Princess
Ixiuisa attended a toboggan party” the
other night. Suppose we ask what a
toboggan party is— Hold on; wehavn’t
askid what it is, and we don't intend
to. We simply say, suppose we ask what
a toboggan party is, will the reply be
Hich that we—that we—in short, will
the reply be such that we shall feel we
have not compromised ourself ?— Peck's
Sun.
None preaches better than the ant,
and says nothing
Fubliehed Every Thursday at
BELLTON, GFEORG-IA.
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One year (52 numbers), $1.00; six months
(26 numbers) 50 cents; three m >aths (18
numbers) 25 cents.
Office in the Smith building, ea t of the
depot.
PASSING SMILES.
“ How many deaths?” aske l the hos
pital physician while going Lis rounds.
“Nine.” “Why, I ordered medicine
for ten.” “ Yes, but one wouldn’t take
it.”
Western papers are discussing the
question, “Shall married women work?"
Unless they do we suppose a good many
husbands of the period will starve to
death.
A medical journal tells of a man liv
ing five years with a ball in his head.
We’ve known ladies to live twice as brng
without anything but balls in their
heads.
It was a delicate piece of sarcasm in
the boarder who sent his landlady last
eveuing n razor ( neatly enclosed in a
handsome silk-hued case, and labelled
Butter-knife.”
A bevy of Chicago girls, at a recent
wedding threw their slippers at the bride
on her departure on her bridal tour, for
luck. One of them hit her, and her
funeral occurred three d..ys later.
The Irish peoplecau'teat the speeches
made in this country over the w. es, nor
yet make soup of the resolutions passed
at mass-meetings. What they want is
pork and potatoes.— Detroit Free Press.
The members of the Derrick staff were
bluffing as to who had got off the best
thing during the week. When it came
to the last man, he said he thought the
best thing he had got off was hit dirty
shirt.— OU City D.rrick.
We said, the other day, “A million
aire with a boil is not a bit happier than
a beggar in the same predicament,” and
forty-sev. n millionaires have called upon
us for an explanation. Once for al', we
must say right h-re that we havtn’t
time to fool with milliona res.
In a little family discussion, the
other day, the madam remarked, some
what tartly: “ When I marry again—”
“I suppose you will marry a fool,”
interrupted the husband. “ Beg your
pardon, said she, “ I will do nothing of
tbe kind. I prefers change.” The wrd
and master wilted.
An exchange says: “ There are three
headless roosters being exhibited in a
town in Indiana.” There are four head
less roosters being exhited in this city,
and the butcher sticks to it that they
are spring chickens and cheap at eight
cents a pound.— Peck's Milwaukee Sun.
An army officer is retired when he
goes out of service, and a tvheel is re
tired to go into service again. When a
sheriff releases a prisoner he loses posset-
Hion of him, and when he releases a
house.he regains possession of it, and
this is a howling old language of ours,
isn’t it?”
We protest against the folly of this
senselesa demand that the money of the
land should be kept in circulation.
That’s just the trouble with it; it circu
lates too fast. What we are trying to do
is to stop a little of it right at tbe very
number where the carrier leaves our let
ters.—Burlington Hawkeye.
“My knowledge of the diplomatic
service,” said a young Republican, last
week, “is very slight. 1 don't know
what an ‘ Envoy Extraordinary ’ is"
but after the Londoners had played
poker with General Schenck a few times
they must have thought him an extra
ordinary envoy.
“ What is home without a wife?”
asks the Yonkers Gazette. It is the din
ing-room in the parlor, the coal bin in
the kitchen, the cieau shirt in hiding, a
depot for soiled clothes, a trysting place
for divorced stockings, a smoking fur
nace, a private pandemonium, a cavern
of profane rumblings, a lunatic asylum.
More?
" Unless you give me aid,” said a
begvar to a benevolent lady, “ I am
afraid I shall have to resort to some
thing which I greatly dislike to do.”
Thelady handed him a dollar and com
passionately asked: “ What is it, poor
man, that I have saved you from?’
“ Work,” was the mournful answer.
A famous judge came late to court
One day in busy season,
Wliereat his clerk, in great surpriH#*,
Inquired of him the reason,
M A cnUd was boro,” ilia Honor said,
’’And I’m the happy sire.”
“An infant judge?” “ Oh, no,” said he,
"As yet he's but a crier.”
“ Women” says a literary journal,
“ live on love.” That may all be; but
we notice all that have the pleasure of
our acquaintance linger around the
table three times a day and get on the
outside of an awful lot of beef-steak and
potatoes, as well as other substantial
articles of food.- Elmira Sunday Tele
gram.
Other papers are busy telling what
they want to see. The Argo has two
wants. First, it wants to see a show
which surpasses its advertisement. Sec
ondly, it wants, very much, to see a
scribbler who uses a nom de plume, and
don’t use every exertion to let the pub
lic know his or her true name. The
Argo will sail a good ways to see the
“ rare and radiant” being who is satisfied
with the chosen tmm de plume.
The charity balls have been unusually
successful, and in many instances the
poor dress-maker hss realized a profit of
$75 on one costume, and the poor tailor
has been scarcely lets fortunate, while
the poor florist has had more orders for
$8 bequets than he could fill, and the
poor livery men have had all their car
riages out all night at $2 an hour, aud
the poor cat< rer has realized his usual
profit on Jersey cider at champagne
prices. In the meantime wc believe the
poor people who don’t know how to do
anything but saw wood and dig ditches
have gone on starving about the same,
but then a charity ball can’t be expected
to take care of all kinds of poor people.
—Hawkeye.