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THE
ERA.
Wm. A. BRECKENBILGE, Publisher.
‘•Onward unci Up ward.”
SUBSCRIPTION: $1.50 Per Annum
VOLUME!.
— i .. i i « ■ i i
JDALLAS, 1’AULDiNG COUNTY. OA„ THURSDAY, JUNE 21. 1883.
* NljMBEK 29.
— ■ M 0 1 III in l
BETTER DAYS. r
Bettor to smell tlio violet cool, than sip tlio I
glowing wiuo; I
Hotter to liark a hidden brook, than watch a
diamond shine.
Better the love of a*gentle heart, than beauty's
favors proud;
Better the rose’s living seed, than roses in a
crowd.
Better to Uvt in loneliness, than to bask in love
nil day;
Better tlio Totintain in the heart, than the
•fountain by the way. (
Better be fed by mother's hand, than cat alone i
at will;
Better to trnst in good than say: “My goods
my storehouse fill ”
Better to teach a child, than toil to fill perfec
tion’s round. %
Better to sit at a master’s feet, than thrill h
listen tug state;
Better ir, suspect that thou art proud, than be
sure that thou art great.
Bettet to walk the real unBcen, than watch the
hour’s event:.
Better the “Well done !’’ at the last, than the
air with shouting rout.
Better to have a quiet grief, than a hurrying
delight;
Better the twilight of the (lawn, than the noon
day burning bright.
Better a death when work is done, than tartli’t
most favored birth;
Better a child in God’s great house, than the
king of all the eurtli,
Geouqe MacDonald.
THE WAY HE PROPOSED.
Major Uliuton was ono of tlio most
courngoons fellows in tlio world, ncuorcl
ing to tlio tuen who know him; 1ml
whon the lndiu3 of liis acquaintance
heard this opinion, they laughed it to
scorn, for they considered him tlio mosl
timid creature they had ever noon, ll.
was very fond of ladies’ society, the.i
said, or ho would not spend all his even
ings nt parties or making culls; yet nol
ono lady, old or young, single or mar
ried, lmd over known him to express his
regard in any way that was not extreme
ly decorous and formal. Flirt? They
would as soou think of a tombstone or n
telegraph polo attempting to flirt, Mosl
of tlio Major’s mnlo acquaintances car
ried scars on their hearts, as results
either of attacks more honorable than
judicious, or of sudden surprises by fair
skirmishers; but no ono could imagine
the Major to have suffered any such mis
hap, tor no not only made no reeomiois-
saiieo, but ho always retired prooipitateh
witliin himself at the first flash of a pair
of eyes leveled directly nt him.
Tlio truth was tlint the brave Ms jin
was not only uh modest as a model
maiden, but fro wns painfully bnslilnl
besido. The ono desire of his life was l<.
marry, which lie was financially able in
do, but tlio important preliminary step
of proposing wns one lie had never dar d
to take. Until lie reached adult years
ho had met scarcely any women but his
t wo orphaued sisters, to whom lio hail
tried to be a father, and upon whose
rare purity and sweetness ho, lmd based
his ideas of \tromauliood. Both married
and went far from their old home, so
they could not help liim to gain a wife
try disabusing liim of his impression that
nil women wore too good for him. To
Glinton nearly every woman appeared a
saint. Ho worshiped one after another,
although only one at a time, and his
tastes were so correct that lie was obligi d
to change his divinity about onco in
in throe months, to avoid worshiping
another man’s wife. Wheuevt r an old
scar lienled anil a delicious throbbing of
tile heart told of a new dart that had
found its way to his heart, ho vowed
solemnly to propose at onee, and vary
the dreadful monotony of having another
man stop in before liim. And oncli time
lie delayed, just for a day, or a week, or
because lie feared too much, or hoped
too wildly, and every tirao lie waited a
little too long—every time but one.
For wlnn the Major met Alice Waller-
son lie felt that, to lose lier, too, would
be mire than his life could endure.
She v as pretty, us all women seemed to
the Major. She was good and she was
sweet, the Major was sure, else why were
nil otiier women unusually fond of her?
Best of all, alio seemed the most modest
and bashful maiden in his whole circle
of acquaintance, and through these qual
ities would beublo to oiler him sympathy
with feelings that all other people
regarded with provoking smiles.
But how should he proposo ? Being a
woman, her bashful nature must be far
more sensitive than his own, so, even if
he were to nerve himself to the ordeal,
how could he be enough of a brute to
inflict greater trepidation upon her, if
he loved her ? Even were she- favorably
disposed toward him, he was sure that
listening to a proposal would put her
heart in a tenable tumult; how much
more dreadful would it be, then, for her
to listen to him should she not be favor
ably disposed. He knew tliat she always
looked at him pleasantly; he felt that she
had even been erateful to him one even
ing, when both, at a party and both
through timidity, retired to the same
half-hidden corner of a drawing-room,
each innocent of the approach of the
other, and each anxious, on meeting, to
show that the affair was a mere accident.
This was the only basis of Glinton's
hope, and yet—he’had been disappoint
ed so many times that he could not bear
to think of failure now.
He made several calls, with the inten
tion of proposing, but every time in's
courage failed him, besides Mrs. Waller-
son or Alice’s sister Nell, were always in
the parlor; of course he could not say
before two what he dreaded to say even
with a single hearer. Worse still, Miss ' "Thank yoU—thank you,” said tin
Nell, who was a brilliant lira noth' of tlio Major again. "I would like first to ex-
irrc|HVB8il>lo species, could not avoid l'hun myself, if I may troublo you for a
teasing him slyly nt every possible op- moment. 1 niu, l believe, an honorable
portunity, and lio always lost his tongue ’ man; I hnVo a good bttniness and a good
under her onslaughts, I limilt llOcount. 1 want to devote both,
_, I and my life, besido, to the service of the
inou ho tried to propose In writing, 1 sweetest woman that ever liked, I etui-
anil for a week of ovonings lie wrote 1 not eXpeOt her to love mo as f love her,
steadily with no more sal isfuctory result for she is an angel and I am only—well,
than a note to Mrs, Wolleinon, In which only a man.”
ho intended to inclose his proposal. I “A trtie niitn," said Miss Kell, still as
Ohanoo finally came in pity to liiB aid. demure Os a parson, "is as good as any-
Miss Nell, as on > of a trio of girls who I thing else in tlio world—even as good as
had devised a surprise party lor a reoeu t- a true woman. ”
ly married friend, Wrote to the Major j “Ho you roallv think so?" asked the
ubout (lie project and begged that he i Major, “I must believe yoll against my
would call and give her some assistance j wi [ ’ hut entirely aeeor,ling to my inch-
—•-**.-»*»-<•I psjr&tfrsfsvx
her betterj alio is pure, good, sweet,
liolile, tender"—
“Major! Major I" exclaimed Miss
Nell
...... “l’ii'itso don’t contradict mo on this
while talking with ladies on any subject particular point," said the Major; “J
requiring common sense, opinion and roallv think I know—1 am sure I do."
exeoiilivo ability; lie should therefore be j “Then," said Miss Noll, "it would be
able to feel at ease with Misa Nell, and | very impolite in me to contradict, but
while iu that unusual condition lie would really”—-
nmko a confidant of her and ash her ad- I "Really," said the Major, "I am
tioa and assistance. He would try to i weighing my Words most careiullv .and
talk to her as if she Worn a man; ii might Mean «N'?♦&*}•. 1 wan* to offer # tfall V
, , , . | am and have, under any conditions she
l>c a rash experiment, but lie felt equal I , mly i m p oso . Don't imagine mo impul-
to almost any degree of rashness when s ivo „r rash in this matter," continued
lie thought of how ninny times before ho the Major, extending both lus hands in
had resolved and failed. | his earnestness. "I mean”—
So the Major went to the Wnllerson ' Wliat the Major meant was never
home on tlio evening appointed by mis- explained, for Alias Nell, entirely Jn
oliievons Miss Noll, with a stouter heart accordance with lier own idea of wliat
than ho had felt, outside of business tlio excited man wnH trying to say, mur-
honrs, since the War ended He arranged mured, “Enough I” fell upon the Major’s
with the yottng laity to bring nil Ilia male breast mid threw lier arms around tlio
fri lida into the stuprise party, nnd bIio, , Major's neck.
1 alher,confused by her new view of (lie j what could tlio astonished man do?
Majors character, was most effusive m ' Wliat would any gentleman do in such
thanks,_ and being .only twenty-three | circumstances? Miss Alico tripped into
among gentlemen. As tlio Major fend
her note a brilliant thought occurred to
him. While talking business Miss Nell
certainly would not endeavor to tease
him; his bashfulness never troubled liim
years of ago and no older tlinn her years
signified, was completely astounded by
the Major’s coolness. She could licit
help betraying her curiosity; she looked
nt the Major Inquiringly, alio dropped
into reveries, and she said to her mother,
who oarnc to the door of the parlor a mo
ment about some affairstietly of a family
nature, that Mr. Glinton was eidirely
different to wliat slie lmd imagined him
to be;
But tlio Major did not know nil this,
and after the bu.jness of the evening
ended lie began to feed the oil familiar
cold sweat that bad been bis torment in
the swamps of tlio Chiciiliomincy, fif
teen years before. Oonvernation had
dropped to the dead level of llm National
Academy, the last new novel, and
Brown’s last volume of poems, all of
which were very had. Miss Nell looki d
interested, pretty and sentimental until
the Major half wished she would be her
natural Keif, for lie had at last roused
himself to the combativo stato, and lio
the parlor, found it dark, turned up tlio
gas, saw the couple and exclaimed:
“Oil, my 1"
Her Bister looked up into the Major’s
face for a second, tlion dropped hor brow
on his shoulder, and said:
“Oil, my I”
And tlio Major, looking down nt the
face before liim, now entirely empty of
roguiBhncss and everything else but ten
derness, forgot all tlm past, placed his
arms about tlio graceful figure that l'esl-
ed on him, and said:
“Oh, my 1”
And although ho 1ms been married ten
years lie never 1ms lmd reason to regret
his mistake.—New York Ilnur.
A CAIRO OSTRICH FARM.
In company with a crowd of dukes
nnd right lionorables, who lmvo lately
I been visiting tlio scones of Lord Wol-
wanted to tnlk with her in the most B el(vy’s "latest nnd most glorious nchievo-
seriwus manner about her sister. At last
he made a desperate effort and said:
“Miss Wnllerson, 1 called this evening
only on business, but I lmvo for a long
time wanted to say something to you
about a matter”—
“Exenso me, just for an instant. Ma
jor," interrupted Miss Nell, “tlio gas is
hissing dreadfully. Won’t you bo good
enough to see which burner it is; I’m
just too short to reach any of them, I'm
sorry to say.”
The Major liostencd to the rescue.
He heard a hissing noise, as of the escape
of too much gas, lie could not be sure
which of tlio six burners was at fault, so
be turned down ono after another until
the noise stopped nnd the parlor was
almost dark.
“You are very kind,” murmured Miss
Nell, a tabu Major resumed bis seat near
lier, "the blowing of gas is dreadfully
annoying to the ear. By the way, you
were Having that”—
The Major resisted a temptation to
say, “Oil, nothing of ally consequence, ”
and said:
“I have been long the most reverent
adorer of a certain young lady who”—
"Oil, Major I” exclaimed Miss Nell;
“the idea of you being in love. Did
you"—
“Excuse me, Miss Wallerson,” said
tlio Major hastily, “but no ono is compe
tent to pass an opinion o:i my condition
of mind but myself. I fully know my
own feelings, and merely wish an oppor
tunity to explain them in such manner as
may be most respectful.”
“I beg your pardon, Major,” said Miss
Nell, now entirely on her guard. “Please
continue, and believe no one hero can
doubt your sincerity.”
The Major’s heart gave a mighty
bound; evidently this mischievous girl
mcnls,” a New York Herald correspond
ent says: I went to see tlio Cairo ostrich
farm. Everything in Egypt lues an
areliiDological setting. Tlio villago of
Tel-ol-Iiebir—the Big Mound—is noth-
ing less than the relies of the city called
Pi-tom in the Old Testament that was
built by the Jews with bricks without
draw.
The Cairo ostrich farm is situated
vitliin a pistol shot of tlio famous Vir
gin’s tree, which is still standing, nnd
under tlio simile of which tradition tells
us (lint the Virgin with the infant Jesus
and Joseph reposed when they fled into
Egypt from tlio wrath of Herod. Quito
in nr tlio Virgin's treo mid hidden among
Illicit foliaged slmilis, is a French
restaurant, that has become the favorito
resort of princes and of golden youth, of
comedians and ladies of tlio corps do
ballet, and of the tourists who visit
Cairo. There nro few indeed who do
not make an excursion to tlio snored treo
and refresh tlieir inner man nt the con
vivial hostelry,
Tlio ostrich farm extends from tlio
Virgin’s tree to the desert, and com
prises several acres of land surrounded
by high mud walls. The greater part of
tlio farm is desert, not because it is in
capable of cultivation, but because tlio
loose, pebbly sanil is essential to tlio
well-being of the ostrich. There are at
present on the farm 120 birds of more
than a year’s growth, anil of these fifteen
are female and twelve are male adults—
that is to say, they are more than three
years old, (he ago at which they com
mence to lay.
Twelve of the adults aro now laying
i mid three are engaged in hatching—one
being upon twenty-two, one upon four
teen, and one upon eleven eggs.
Strange to say, the mule bird attends
, _ „ ,, more to the hatching part of the bnsi-
suspected something and was willing to I ness than (lie female, especially in cold
suppress herself.
“I have long been worshiping a lady
whom I would liavo been glad to make
my wife,” continued the Major, “if I
lmd not feared that my love and wliat
else I had to offer her would not
or rainy weather, nnd in fact often under
takes tile whole of that tedious duly
himself, being only relieved by his better
half at meal hours.
Mr. Wetter, tlio ostrich director, lias
been very fortunate in liis efforts to
compensation
for what she would bo • “l 0 °?fr»ch in Egypt. Out
obliged to give up.”
“Your thoughtfulness does you honor,
Major,” said Miss Nell, iu the kindest
way in the world.
“Thank you—thank you,” said the
Major, hastily. “Perhaps, then, you
will understand why I speak with more
I hau my customary freedom. Miss Will- j
lerson, I was trained in my youthful |
days to such unquestioning reverence j
for woman as woman that I feel almost j
like n thief when I think of asking any |
of 108 birds hatched last season eighty
yearlings aro now alive and healthy—a
very successful result when it is borne in
mind that during the lato Arabi un
pleasantness the ostriches were much
neglected. After visiting the breeding
enclosures and those where the yearlings
were parked we were conducted to the
incubating house and to a wire cage
where this season’s birds were scamper
ing about full of health nnd vigor. By
applying one of tlio eggs to a hole cut iu
piece of blackened cardboard and jilae-
woman for her band and heart.” i > n g it against the sun the ostrich farmer j
“Again, Major, I must say that your allowed us a young bird which had been ]
thoughtfulness and delicacy do you incubated by artificial means and had |
honor,” said Miss Nell, as demurely as j reached maturity, actually pecking at
if she bad never teased any ono in her ' the interior of the shell and struggling to
life, ' \ break out of prison, I
TlVO Stilt IN Ill'S. '
A Itoinnnre ol Ilia l,nia lloTornor Nlrphans’s
l.lfoi
.In ono of the early years of tlio forties
Mr, Stephens, thou a young man, paid
a visit to tlio llomo of Mr. Warden, in
Warren County. Thoro liu met a flux-
qu-haired, blue-eyed girl of sixteen,
Ueauliful in face and lovely in (fharaoterj
ifiquant, witty and gifted with a mind
barely cultivated. An attachment grew ]
ftp, which for yenrs did not pass the,
formal bounds of friendship, but which 1
was sacredly cherished by noth. . The !
lioy lovef Was poor in this world's goods 1
•4-lragile in framn and hnrassed by sink*
floss, ho did not daro to aspire to the
Wind of ono whom ho had learned to
lljve, nnd vet iorbora to claim, With
ifoimiiily devotion the girl road tlio ae-'
mvt in t lio yoilng man’s eyes, ami true |
to hor heart, slio could only wait and
love, Ono evening in 1819 a party was
given at the rcsldonco of Mr. Little, in'
Oriiwfordsvillo, There tlio two met onco '
more—there tlioy enjoyed that sweet,
qnmmunion born of perfect trust—and
thoro Mr. Stephens found courage to j
speak the words which for year; had
fought for expression, until at lust lie!
otmi(l no longer contain thorn. j
■ “'Amyou'sure tlint tfccro lives none ]
other whom you prefer 11 me?” asked
the maiden timidly, lmlfshriiikingly, yet
only too happy to feel that sho wus fa
vored in liiB eyes. I
“ In the wliolo universe there exists
not another,” Baid he passionately.
Thus their troth was plighted; the
day was set for their marriage, mid all i
seemed auspicious for I he lovers, But
clouds lowered o'er their hopes; matters
af a private nature which it is not within 1
tlio domain of the public to know inter
vened and deferred tlio fruition of their
Hopes. Tlio one becMhO immersed iu
polities, nnd, racked with physical ills,
hesitated to outer a Hlnto where ho feared
tbo happiness of tlio other might be
marred. The lady found lier duty by
the side of an invalid mother, who long
lingered with a confining disease. Thus
the years flew by, but the plighted troth
Was kept. Air. Blenheim never addressed
another, ninl over kept the imago of tlio
fair young girl in lus heart. The Indy
wiih the recipient of admiration from
many, but to all sho turned a deaf ear.
They lmvo often met since, and while
tlm idea of marriage wns abandoned,
they felt a sweet pleasure in each other's
society. But a few weeks ago the Indy
wns ut tlio mansion, and on taking leave
of her old frioiul, ono of iiio chairs
tipped up, an unfavorable sign, os tlio
Governor remarked at tlio time. The
Indy lias for years been a resident of At
lanta,'nnd no one is held in morn esteem
for every quality wliinli nilorns woman
hood than Miss Caroline Wilkinson,—
Louisville Journal.
Making liim Useful.
A learned physician onco declared
that tlio manifestations of iliseuso were
t o varied that he should not bu surprised
at any symptom, however peculiar. If
that learned man ia still alive, lie ought
to start at onee for Charlotte, N. 0., to
assist in (lie diagnosis of a malady which
for over a month 1ms afflicted a boy
named A. M. Wilhelm, aged eighteen,
If an ordinary buth-tub is filled with
ice-cold water anil that wretched youth’s
feet" aro placed in it, the water grows
hot so rapidly that within nix minutes it
is nt tlio boiling point. Willielip suffers
intense pain, and bis tubs lmvo to bo
continually changed; which is no light
task, considering that liis feet raise the
temperature of tlio water at the rate of
80 degrees a minute. And yet, in tlio
Divine economy, even such a sad fato
as Wilhelm's 1ms its oompoiisatious. It
is manifest that he would bu invaluable
is a Kush inn hath establishment, for if
lio can make tv tub of ico water boil in
six minutes, lie could convert the con
tents of a reservoir into steam witliin an
hour. Or ho might be employed to sit
upon the fender of a locomotive with bis
feet ill tlio tank, at small expense lo Hie
company anil most agreeably to himself.
Moreover, lio would find poetic justice
in the latter occupation, for his malady
is supposed to be duo lo a violent shak
ing administered to him by a steam en
gine, into which a full head of sh am
was accidentally tiumcd while lie wus
cleaning it.
Statistics iff Metropolitan Life.
Over one-half of tlio 1,000,000 people
living in New York lmvo their homes in
tenement houses. If to this number are
added those who live in flats—which uro
tenement houses of a comfortable sort—
ai <1 in the stylish iij ai'tpient buildings,
and those who reside in tlio hotels, and
if a third reduction is mudo for those
who share a house with ono or two fami
lies, the number of families who have an
entire house to themselves will bo found
to bo very small indeed—not one in ten.
Some of the statistics of Metropolitan
life are very curious. For instanco, wo #
jury 87,000,000 for our amusements, and*
it is supposed that our 10,000 whisky and
beer saloons gather in three times as
much money at the least, while the item
of education costs ns 81,000,000. Tlio
average of wages paid in our manufac
tories is * 124 <i year—or $1.37} n day—
and if it were not above tlio average
paid elBcwliore it would bo impossible to
pay our high rents. There is a wide field !
for missionary operations here, for out ]
of 270,490 children between the ages of i
live and eighteen only 115,826 attended
Sunday school last year. Indeed, not-!
withstanding the efforts of public and
private churches and tlio work of chari
table societies (and the amount paid out I
in charity foots up over 81,000,000), a
ragged and reckless army of 10,000 cliil- j
■dron ran about the streets without care
or instruction,
* Oran(ib county hulk.
link II Wns Fir.I Unit In III. New York
illmlo-f.
In n recent conversation with a re
porter, Thomas ,T, Taylor, an old milk-
producer, of Florida, N, Y., gave a short
history of the growth nnd motliod of tlm
lnilk truffle iu Oriuigo County, lie
said: I
“ The first milk shipped from Onego I
County to Now York was in April, 1812, |
and was produced on the farm then
owned by Philo Gregory, William L.
Liuigridgc worked Mr, Gregory's farm,
and aold to Air, Gregory the milk at two
emits a quart, delivered on tlio cars at
Chester, It went to New York by tlm
passenger train in tlio morning, to J’ier-
mout, and tlmnco by boat, l'lm first
shipments were made in olinrns, which
with tlieir contents were weighed, and
twelily cents a hundred wns charged for
froight an 1 two shillings six pence for
cartage from the boat to tlm milk depot
nt No. 80 Thompson street, Now York.
Mr. Gregory employed a man to sell liis
milk, inlying him 810’ a month and
board, and sold his milk nt four conls
per quart. Mr, Lnngridgo in ono year
and a half mudo an assignment, wliilo
Atr. Gregory, at two cents a quart, paid
hi: freight; 'Y.trti.£>,- That (which was
850 per year for a basement room) and
help, and established a business which
him since grown to enormous propor
tions. It was soon found I lint two omits j
a quart was a losing business, and for i
many years it was sold by t lio farmers at I
two cents a quart for four mouths, three 1
emits a quart four montliH and fonr.emitH
a quart, four months. These were tlm
established priccH until 1801, during
which time butter sold iu tlio early
spring and fall of tlm year from one
shilling and sixpence to two shillings a J
pound, and dairies fo" season nt 111 to 20 |
cents. When tlm war broke out prices
ran wild, farmers receiving as high uh
four omits in summer, six omits in
spring and fall, and eight cents iu win
ter. Butter was worth from 60 cents to
75 cents nt the farmer’s door. After the
war, and up to 1871, farmers sold their
milk to tlm donlers at the market, price ;
the dealers made the price nt ils honest
value, and the farmers were satisfied.
In November, 1871, milk bail 1 sell
ing during the whole month at six cents
ami freight on tlio platform at Jersey
City. N. D. Woodhull called n meet
ing of the milk-dealers together in Hes
ter street, Nmv York, on the 30th of
Noveinbor, and proposed tlm pljin of
making tlio prieo five cents, saying (lint
no one farmer could or would contest t lm
price. Ho carried bia point, and ever
sinoo tlm price has been made by flic
same combination, led by Mr. Woodhull
until ho died.”
An Essny oil Roller Skates.
The roller skate, says Bill Nyo, is a
wayward little quadruped. It is as
frolicsome and more innocent looking
than a lamb, but for interfering with
mm’s upright attitude in the community
it iH perhaps the IichI machine I hut has
appeared in Hall Lake City.
Ono’a first feeling on sliuuliiig up on a
pair of roller skates is an unoonlrolliiblo
tendency to come from together. One
foot may start out toward Idaho wliilo
tlio other as promptly strikes out for
Arizona. The legs do not stand by each
other as legs related by blood should do,
but each shows a disposition to sot up in
business alono, and leavo you to take
care of yourself as best you may. Tlio
awkwardness of this arrangement is ap
parent. While they are Hotting up in
dependently, there is nothing for you to
do but to sit down and await future
developments. And you have to Hit
down, too, without having made any
previous preparation for it, and without
having devoted as much thought to it as
you might, lmvo done lmd you boon eon-
suited iu the matter.
Olio of tlio moat, noticeable things as
a slraling rink is the strong attraction
botwemr tlio liunmn body and tbo floor
of the rink. If tlm human body lmd
boon coining through space for days and
daya, at llm rate of a million miles a
second, without stopping at oaling
stations, and not excepting Sundays,
when it strikes tlm floor, we could un
derstand wliy it struck the floor with so
much violence. As it is, however, tlio
thing is inexplicable.
There are different kinds of falls in
vogue at the rink. There aro tlm rear
fulls, and front falls, the Cardinal Wolsey
fall, tlm fall ono across the other, three
iu a jiile, and so on. Thoro aro some of
the falls that I would like to be excused
from describing. Tlio rear fall is tbo
favorite. It is more frequently utilized
than any other. There are two positions
in skating, tlio perpendicular and the
horizontal. Advanced skaters prefer the
porpoudiciilur, while others affect the
horizontal.
Skates aro no respecters of persons.
They will lay out a minister of the
Gospel or the Alayor of the city us
readily as they will a short-coated, one-
suspender boy, or a giddy girl.
When ono of a man’s feet starts for
Nevada and the other for Colorado, tlmt
does not separate him from the floor or
break up bis fun. Other portions of liis
body will take the place liis feet lmvo
just vacated, witli a promptness that is
surprising. And lie will find that the
fun has just begun—for the people look
ing Oil.
The equipments for tlio rink are n pair
of skates, u cushion, and a bottle of
liniment.
All in a Line.—In the town of Came
ron, Steuben County, there reside ten
fanners whose farms join each other.
They have ten babies and there is only
three weeks’ difference in their ages.
• / wn IU MHMft
Tubus is one thitlg about Mn’
iutys n Philadelphia paper, ‘to I
The Huron never triid kl Iha
prophet. , ,
An AiiKANSAsed'tor (toys (fiat'the stfrijff
eat. man in liM them talks through liW
nose to Mtvo the wear sad tost on hi*
false teeth. . .
Tun heading “ Another Mi Jo Robbery
on tlm South Side,” leads,tlio Oil City
lUkznrd to remark that lMwt robbefriefl
aro safe nowadays. J . -
Tint question is asked us it there in
anything tlmt will liringyotitli to women ?
Yes. indeed. An income-of shy #26,000*
will bring any number of them. y
An Alabama judge tins decided tlmt a
man who puts his satchel on a seafiin tb«
ears reserves that seat—unless tlio malt
who moves it is bigger than 1m is.
ConiiEnroNimNTU of u ilnilv paper arts
discussing tlm question, “C'au a mall
marry on 810 a week,” He cannot if tna
girl is uwuro of the amount of his in*
come,
A s.vnnpNlo olllcer: “ Don’t pull ma
around so," said the thief to tlm polfeo-
rnan, " i have n felou' upon my finger 1%
"And I have my finger upoun felon,’’ f
remarked tlio policeman^
A Nmv TTavun lady having noticed a
gentleman acquaintance standing in is
fixed position in a book mid paper storo
recently, entered tlm store and asked
him if lie was stationery.
TuLitmtAFH wires are so rinmerons on
some of tlm stroets of Now York that
people living on a fourth floor flat can
sift tlieir ashes by merely throwing
them against tlm not work.
Wi! have just received a sample copy .
of a new song, entitled, "l’ut your armn
around me, dear.” Any lady who desires
to try it can do so by calling at uuroilloo
—wo mean tlm song, of course.
A good deal of comment 1ms befflt
caused because a Georgia man broke his
back with a sneeze ; but how much
more wonderful it would llilYo been had
ho broken liis knees with iiis book I
“ War do you carry your poekotlwok
in your bund?” asked a Philadelphia
husband of bis young wife. “Oh,” was
llie quiet reply, “ it is so light that loin -
afraid it might jump oat of my pocket,”
Tins recent Congress passed a law to
prevent tlio importation .of adulterated
tens. They shrtuld lmvo put on a "rider”
to prevent tlm giving uwiiy of an unndul-
toruted ehvomo with a pound ol tea.—
Nnrrlufnwn Herald.
H r. Louis girls who go to the cooking
schools won’t permit tiioir mimes to be
known, They are afraid that wlum tlieir
lovers find it out they will want to marry
right dll', and then they can't have any
mors fuu.—/‘hiladi lphia News.
Peoi’lb who live remote from tlio sea-
shoro can make a good artificial clam by
rolling a piece of soap in sand ami ashes
and eating it when i! ih about lmlf cool.
This iu rather bettor than tlio real clnm,
lint it will give Mm inlanders an approxi
mate idea of thu luxury,—Providence
Press,
Fifthen genuine Sioux Indians who
are seeing Gotham amiiso the puoplo at
a hotel by eating with their hands aud
dressing outhindishly. As tliuy wear
silk huts they think they nro civilized.
This is a very common mistake among
other people besides Indians.—I.uwcll
Citizen.
“ Ir your boarding hmiso should tnko
tiro at night what would you do to got
the people out?” asked the fire marshal'
of mi experienced matron. “ Oh, there
would bo no troublo ubout thut,” wus
the reply ; “ I would just ring tlm break
fast bell, and all tlio boarders would bo
in tlm dining room ill throe minutes.”
"Who aiib those two men?” asked
Deacon Gilpin of ’Squire McGill tlm
other evening. “Oh, those are thu men
who coma to work in Joralum’s place.
Hu 1ms moved to Binghnnipton.” "To
work in Joralum’s place; why he was
tlio laziest man in Marathon I” “Iknow
it, and that’s the reason there's two i f
them. It lakes both of them to bo iih
lazy os ho was.”—Marathon Independ
ent. ■'
A New Mettled of “Treating. w
A party of three or four gentlenieu
who were in a hotel a few days bofor >
election wero invited to “tako some
thing" by one of their number, says the
Middletown Press. After they bad
taken it, and hwl chatted a few minutes,
another of tile party solemnly suggested
that it would bo well to “take some
thing.” They accepted the invitation,
and took something again. They then
started out and in a fow minutes, ns
they were passing a dry goods store,
another of tlie party stopped them, and
said:
“Let’s go in and ‘take something,’”
“Why, that’s a dry goods store/’ said
one of tlio party,
“Well, what of it? Come in.”
In they marched, nnd ranging them
selves before the counter, the gentleman
who hull invited them propounded the
question:
“Wliat will yon tukG ?”
Olio of the party took a box of collars,
another took a clean shirt. Whon fhe
bill hud been settled and they hod
walked out, they looked at each other
sheepishly, nnd began to see for tlio
first time the foolishness of the “treat
ing” business. If men mnst treat, why
not do it in a dry goods store ?
Baked Beans.—“Let your beans sim
mer ill warm water slowly, with molasses
aud mustard ; then put iu tbo pork and
bake a long time. A small green onion
adds a delicious flavor.” This is tbo
latest recipe for Boston “baked beans,”