Newspaper Page Text
N
THE PAULDING
'/D
AA
EEA^
C c
nB-l
418. B
»j^ypy^»»Mh > y i l ; ^ *\ it
“ONWARD AND UPWARD*
8UB8CRIF1ION! (1.50 Per Ana it.
VOLUME I.
DALLAS, PAULDING COUNTY, GA., THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 18S3.
NUMBER 50.
GENERAL N£WS ;
Kit Wert ii to have 9150,01)0 hotel.
Thl cotton crop in Texts will be 1,070,-
000 bale* lean than teat year.
A hew hotel, ooating $500,000, is to be
bniltin New Orleana before tho Exposi
tion opens.
Dunntu the year no less than 18,080
homesteads hnvelieen entered in Florida.
The Florida pine-apple is second in
impoatanco only to the orange and
lemon.
Sixty bushels of peach stones were
received at Hawthorne, Fla, Inst week,
which will be plnnted out for a nursery.
The oldest man in Pike county, Ala,
is bud to be Thomas Grimes, of Spring
d. He ib 100 years old.
IT is estimated, so says the Palntkn
Herald, that five hundred thousand alii-
brs were killed in Florida lost year.
r the census of 1880 there were in
^bama 1,835 physioiana and surgeons,
awyers, 1,214 olorgymon, and 74
sta.
rpEPosiT of marl has been discover
ed ep tho Conecuh river, in Alabama,
whdk promises to bo valuable for ootn- IS*? 1 apiyopriaBons for
pounding with other elements os t Ts * 875 - W8 ' Tho “1
User.
Two cypress trees have recently boon
cut in Sumpter county, Fla From one
83,000 shingles were made, and from the
other 37,000 shingles and 6,100 clap
boards were made.
Wolves are so plentiful in }he tylnek
in the Capital Square at Richmond), sur-
roufided with a wretth eoifi posed of the
principal agricultural products of tho
Confederacy (cotton, tobacco, sngnr-
cano, corn, whont), and having around it
tho words, “The Confederate States of
Amo.ica, Twouty-second February,
Eighteen Hundred nnd Sixty-two," with
tho following motto: “Deo Vindice.”
The Confederate monument at Magnolia
Cemetery to the memory of tho dead
who fell in defense of Charleston bears
on one of its faces an onlirged represen
tation of tho groat seal of the Confede
rate States.
EDITORIAL NOTES.
German* has 500 mills for tho manu
facture of wood pulp. Such n degroo of
perfection 1ms been attained in tho treat
ment that evon for tho better qnulitios
ot paper tho wood pulp is substituted
for pulp nrado from rags. It consti utos
70 per cent of the papor stock us ad
throughout Germany.
Tire Methodist Episcopal Vission at
t NfH X«rk. appropriated $15,482 for mis
sionary work in Bulgaria nnd Turkey,
$34,000 for Mexico, nnd 835,648 for Ja-
for-
appro
priations for domestic missions are:
Arizona, $8,000 ; Black Hills, $13,000,
and Dakota 313,525.
Iiaroe fortunes arc rare in Switzerland
and tho salaries of public functionaries
are very modest. Tho president of tho
-. confederation rccoivcs for his services
Mountains of North Carolina that they I only $8,000 a year :’fow judges
are^puoned with strychnine, and their
depMations render fanning and sheep-
raising very tjnoerfain.
A Gum tree- 1 in Florida was fired the
other day, and the occupants summarily
evicted were a swarm of bats, followed
by flying-sqairgelsjlaereeeh-owlsy various
other night birds, two coons and one
’opossum.
Tt is prabable feat»telegraph line will
be built from the cable of the Western
Union Company through the Everglades
to Jupiter Inlet, on the esstern coast o!
Florida. A survey of the country is to
be made as early as possible.
Pensacola Commercial: The moss
crop of this State is worth more than the
cotton, and can lie put on tho market
with very little expense. Tho demnnd
exceeds the supply, and there is not a
county in the State in whioh the product
is not now going to ’waste.
The dogs at the Louisville bench show
were valued at $250,000. Fortunately
for the dog raising industry, they are
exempted from taxation. Tho same
value in sheep would he annually taxed
about $2,500. Verily, tho dogs are hav.
ing their day.
Leeds is spoken of as the next mining
and manufacturing town in Alabama. Its
situation is excellent, being in the bosom
of tbe great mineral sources, with plenty
of water power around, nnd a fine brac
ing climate. Several wideawake men
are already at work developing tho place.
Missimm has $7,000,000 invested in
manufacturing industries, a gain of 100
per cent, in five years, and Alabama has
$5,000,000 in the iron production. The
laatSouth Carolina legislature chartered
nine new cotton factories with an aggre
gate capital of $1,725,000, and in three
yean 275,189 spindles hare been added
to tbe manufacturing capacity of the
Carolines, Alabama and Georgia.
A Machine for picking cotton has,
the Charleston News says, been satisfac
torily; teated in Sumpture, gouth CaroUnn-
Its capacity is two hundred pounds pei
hour. The cost of picking the late crop
rocoivo
more than $ 1,250, nnd there is probably
no bank manager in ho country with a
salary of more than twice that amount.
A man with nn income of $2,500 is con
sidered very well off indeed, nnd to have
85,000 a year is to ho “pnssiug rich.”
So that it is fair to conclude that teu per
cent of the tobacco chowod by froo
American citilens, is licorice and another
ten per cont. sugar. New Joraey takes
tho lead in tho manufacture of tobacco,
with Missouri a close socond. North
Carolina third, nnd New York fourth.
In tho manufacture ot cigars Now York
loads tho list, having 3,893 factories and
making a miilion cigars a year, Tho to
bacco factories and importers supply for
every mnle person in tho country ten
pounds of chewing tobacco, three and a
half ponnds of smoking tobooco, two
hundred nnd fifty cignrs, nnd half a
pound of snuff. Tho whiskey showing
is still worso. Every male person lu tho
country could havo had six gallons a
piece last yoar if tho quantity cconsum-
ed lud been obually divided, while tlioro
waa enough malt liquor destroyed to
furnish every man, woman nnd child
with ton gallons each, Tho delightful
luxuries, while they regaled tho Ameri
can votor, paid the treasury $140,000,000.
IMTOBTANT TIME CHANGE-
drastics 1st Stic Time by whVh She
H«ilr»nila si Site Count y nro
Hint.
HE JOKERS BUDGET.
Th" changes mnilo on Sunday, November 18,
In tho tuno l>y which about all tho railroads in
tho country nro nut, cannot ho brought about,
at the best, without considerable friction,
says the Scientific Amerfmn. In Boston, for
WHIT WH WIND IN THR HVMOHOim
rAPKKH.
TIIE l'ARMltn AND Till TELEPHONE.
snn oot it.
There,” called out a woman who was
a passenger on a Bay City train lenving
Instance, thoro ii no llttlo opposition to tho Detroit a day or two ago. “I'vo wont
putting of ciooks and watch™ bock some' and gono and left my satchel in tho
seventeen minutes, ns will bo nocossnry under' depot I Somebody call the conductor I"
General Wright, chief of enginoos,
wants in the next fiscal year $36,730,485,
for use on the rivers aiul lmi-bora. And
even this sum docs not inclndo tho work
under the direction of tho Mississipp
river commission. He proposes to ox-
pend $90,000 in Charleston linrbur,
$135,000 on tho Savannun river, and
150,000 in Cumberland sound. Tho es
timates for tho Atlantia cost arc for car
rying on operations on 145 of the 151
improvements in progress. They pro*
vide for the completion within tho com
ing fiscal year of 75 of them.
When fertilizers fail it is customary to
blame the manufacturers, without stop
ping to think that no manufacturer can
mnkeafortililor that will suit all soils.
No two farms arc alike in their wants.
I lion, too. the bo;.ion «aay be odvorso to
the manner in which llio fertilizer jspi.t
in the aol. Tho Petersburg Index-
Appeal says the chief reason is found in
tlia failure of the farmers “to supply
their lands with that quantity of organic
matter which tlioy always need, and
without which no stimulant is of much
value. All soil roquiros more or less of
organic matter (humus,) and if this is
insufllcent for tho requirements of crops,
tho fertilizer remains comparatively
inork All must havo noticed that ferti
lizers act best on soils rich in vcgitablo
mould. Tho fact ought to supply the
farmer with a vnluablo hint, Urganio
material is the basis of fertility, and all
land should be liberally fo l with it.—
Fertilizers will pay on such soil, and on
no oilier.
the nc-v provision for “Eastern standard”
tlmo, but orders havo been tasue l for many of
the pi,B lc docks in that city to Iw so regu
late I, and, ai tho whole raili-oal system of
tho Bsstorn States will ho coutroilol by
this standard, tho prevailing opinion scorns
1 to bo that tho innovation will l» gnnerally
: aecopte I, Thoro may bo some who will at
| first carry tho two kinds of time, tho “stand
ard’’ a,111 tho true, as can bo n-a ii y done by
having two minute bauds on a watch; tins Is
now fro luontly in-act cc i to keep botli New
York and Boston time, by thoso who travel
much bctwoju the two citji-s, In Now York
city, olsrr tho change required calls fop
putting back tho true time only four min
utes, {hero will pi\ billy bo lew opposition to
the a loetlon of the i ow standard, but it limy
hi readily conceived that great ooiifudon
will inevitably Iw oaiuod wherever tt Is at-
tompte I to uso the two kinds vf tlmo stiuu'-
tati&uslr-
By tin adoption of Uin now plan tlioro will
pruotiojlty tie only four standards of tlmo
throughout tho country, insloid of forty-
nine, ns at proem'. The tlme-talitcs of many
of the r.d roads will also luivo to bo clmngo l,
i s well as the clocks, In order to facilitate tho
iiinldn; of o mnoctlous lolwcoa lines nll'octod
over i dii.Movable distances oast nnd west.
Tho folowing list of changes lias, thurofnro,
bo -n fliruislio.l by Mr. W. R Allen, socrotni y
of tho vnilioasl conventions which tleoiilea
nism the adoption of tho now standard, tho
letter f denoting that I he c'co't is to lai set
an,-ad, land tho letters itmt It Is to ho set
Atchison, Topeka, nn 1 Santa Fe, cast of
Dodge City, ciooks only.il mlmitoH, f.
AtohVm, Topeka, an I Knnta Fe, west of
Do Ige Citv, clis.-ks nnd iclio lulus, 51 mlmitos,
LATER NEWS.
While the men nnd boys of America
were drinking eight gallons apiece of
beer and whiskey last yenr they did not
exhaust tho stock of tho mannfncturers
in this country. They exported over
6,000,000 gallons of spirits and supplied without mite.
-1 ’ ... f - - John Waffin, of Cleveland, b.-t u dollar
Europe with 235,000,003 pounds of to
bacco. Tho tobacco went almost ontiroly
to England, France and Germany, whilo
the liquor found its way over almost tho
entire area of tho civilized world. In
spitoof tho fact thrtwo used 75,000,000
gallons of our own whiskey in tho past
yoar, there wore imported 8,000,000 gal
lons of spirits of various sorts, which,
by the way, is more than wo exported in
tho year. It is proper to add, that tho
internal revenue tax .collected upon this
whisky, beer and tobacco during the
past fiscal year was $140,000,000. anil
that the internal revenue system, since
its inception in 1863, lius brought into
the treasury a total of $3,037,376,125,05.
An adroit rensoncr once wrote an essay
on tea as a cause of cri i o in which he
contended that this mild beverage wrick
ed more nerves nnd ruined more consti
tutions than all tho various forms of
alcohol combined. Tho consumption of
tea is increasing rapidly and ton drinking
by hand was $50,000,000, or at the retM is becoming more anil more of a social
of $7 per bale. The cost of picking by
machine will be $1 per bale. It is esti
mated that a third of the crop lias lieen
left in the field in seasons post because of
lack of hands. Tho machine will remedy
this.
Montgomery Advertiser and Mail:
The number of persona who emigrated
to Toxai and other portions of the West
and are returning home is astonishing.
On one of the north-bound trains of I he
M. and M. road a few nights ago, eighty
of the passengers, and on another suc
ceeding, sixty were returning from Texas
to their former homes in Alabama and
adjoining States, Most of them were
former citizens of this State.
The original seal of the Confederate
States, which is of massive silver, is still
in the hands of an ex-Confederate sol
dier, who treasures it carefully. It con
sists of a device representing nn eques
trian portrait of Washington (after the
cu3tomo in England and America. Sugar
is going out of favor at fashionable Ame
rican tea parties, and cream is losing
ground. The French drink their tea
very sweet and help themselves to sugar
with their fingers. The Russians, who
set many of our social customs for us,
prefer lemon with both hot and cold tea
and seldom use sugar. Tbe luxury of
tea drinking is said to be offered in its
most tempting form in Russia. Tlieir
best brand costs ten dollars a pound aid
its proper preparation for tlio table is one
of the national fiuo arts.
Some startling facts ore disclosed in
the report of the commissioners of
internal revenue. Last year tho tobacco
factories in this country used 11,653,339
pounds of licorice in fixing their goods
for the market. Besides this they used
11,257,100 pounds of sugar to make tho
stuff taste good. The total amount of
Immense ilomagcrf as been done by a trr-
undo in Oxford, Franklin nnd oilier counties
of Mnlno. Millions of trees were blown down,
ninny liou-ei and brrus dos'royed, churches
unroofed and railroad bridges moved from
their foundations. Thelo sos aggregate hun
dreds of thousands of dollars.
The sum of 8150,000 hnsbeon raised by sub.
sertption for tlio purpose of oetab'ishing a
general Unitarian head juarterB ill Boston )
and immed'ate steps will be taken to purchase
an eligible sight an 1 ei-octa suitatdo bud ling.
At tlio Froiptoc Fair grounds, Brooklyn
tho bay golding Frank, with running ina’c,
trotted a mile in 3:03'/ lt thus brnttng 3:10L(,
tlie best record, which was made by Maud H,
Baitikiore nnd Ohio (wo t), b ith clocks nnd
sc.ioinlks, 33 minutes, s.
Boston Hoosao Tunnel a id Western, both
clocks and «'b slules, -l minutes, s.
Boston and Albuny, ciooks only 111 min
utes, s. ...
Canadian Fnclfic (Eastern division), clocks
only, 0 inluutos, ».
Delaware end Hudson Canal Company,
clocks only, 4 minutos, s.
De'awaro, Lackawanna, anil Western, bith
docks an I schedules, 4 minutes, s.
Fort Vfnyno, Cincinnati, and I.onlsvtllc,
both clocks and s- ha lilies, 33 minutes, s.
F-t i.-iJ/Hwl New York, both clocks and
schedule-, 4 minutes, s.
Hartford unit Connecticut Western, clocks
only, 4 minutes, s.
Lake Shorn and Michigan Southern, botli
clocks met schedules, 3s minutes, s.
I/diigh Vnllov, clocks only, I minute, f.
liOiiisv t'le aiul Nushvillo, ciooks only 18
niinuto
A lienovolent man with a hnhl head
and n double ohm volunteered his ser
vices, and after a time tho aunduotur was
brought in.
“Can’t yon stop and run buck 7” asked
the woman.
“No, ma’am, but I'll telegraph to
havo your liaggngo sent on. what is
it?”
“A satchel,”
"Vory well,” lie said ns he liegnn to
write, “it's nil old satchel with one,
hnndlo off, and tho look brokou, of
conreo."
“Y-ycs, sir; but it’s uono of your
ImsinesH if it is. You dou't buy my
satchels 1"
“No, ma'am—of oourao not. Let’s
aeo I I’ll telegraph them to open it. Tlio
flrnt thing on top is a night-oap."
“B'poein’ 'tls i" sho blustered up. “I
guoin thoro iB no lnw ngin wearing night
caps I"
“No, ma'am; nnd tho next tiling is a
inir of black woolen Htoolrings which
inve lieon darned in tho licols. What
next?"
"Tho next thing is Hint if any man in
tlda ’ore State of Michigan dares to open
that satchel and go to pawing over tlio
contents I'll make n corpse of him I" sho
exclaimed, as slio untied her bonnet.
“But I must tolcgrnph.”
"Then you call itn black sntoliol kiml-
or busted iu nil ouo side nnd kinder
busted all to Gnshon by you railroad
wretches on both omls, anil let it go at
Hint 1 I won’t linvo it pawed over.”
'But, madam, you—”
"Not another word,” sho snid, ns her
spectacles danced on her noso. “Do ns
I tell von, nnd if they can’t find it I'll
conic back and stir things up nnd bounce
folks around till tlmy'U think it’s a had
year for hurricanes. Just say ii busted
black sntcbel, nnd add Hint if it eomos
along with tlio othur handle pulled off
I'll begin a lawsuit to mnko tins railroad
flicker I”
The busted blank satohei left on tlio
next (rain.—Detroit fiVee I’rcti.
imito»
Mis uiirl Pacific, clocks, solio lulei at St.
Louis only. 8 minutes, s.
Now York, l.ako Erie, anil Western, docks
only, 4 minutes, s.
Now York Central anil Hudson Itlvor,
(lucks only, 4 minutes, s.
Now York City ami Northern, ciooks only,
4 mlmitos, s,
Now York and Now England (east of Con
necticut). botli clocks and lolioducs, 14 min
ute
that bo could drink fifteen glav os c-f whisk}
in fifteen minutes, nnd won tlio wagor, b.d
lost his life.
Trinity cathMral, 0:10 of tlio most impos
ing Eph cop.il buildings tn tile country, was
const crated nt Omaha, Neb., by the founder,
Bishop Clarkson, assisted by Lord Bishop
Kweetman, of Toronto, Bishop -Garrett, 0/
Texas, anil other clergyinoil.
The National longue, for tho suppression
of polygamy, in session nt Cleveland, adopted
an address to the country denouncing Mor
mon practices and urgently requesting "tlni|
petitions bo circulated in ovt-ry city, town
and school district in tho Unitjd Slates, ask
ing Congress to submit to tho legislatures of
the various States an amendment to the con
■dilution prohibiting polygamy."
Durino tho recent heavy storm tho barge
Milwaukee was lo.-t with lior crow of seven
men in Lake Ontario.
The annual roport of Cioncral Merritt, su
pcrinUudbnt of tlio Wrst Point Mi itary
academy, says that on H.ptcmbor 1, 1881,
tlioro were at tho a -a loiny fifty-five pro
fessors and commissioned oillcers and 311
cadets. Tliero wero no deaths during tbe
year among tho cadets, oillcers or sddiers.
The average cost of subsisting each cadet
during tho hist year was 817.93 per mouth.
Tho general tone and dlloipline of tlio cadets
nro good, although tlio practice of hazing ha:
not yet been en ti . ely broken up.
Gold in piying qn entitles has bean found
iuthe provinco of Quebec.
Senoh Juan Valera, a distinguished
Spanish novelist and formerly minister to
Portugal, has been appointed successor to the
lute honor Boren, who klllol himself in New
York, as Spain’s diplomatic representative in
bo Uuitod States.
ciil), b ill clocks olid scheiu os, 1 minutes, s.
I’ennsylvan a. New York dlvis.on, both
clocks and ichudulos, I minute, f.
Pennsylvania, all divisions oxropt Now
Yoik. c.ocksonly, 1 minute, f.
Plillalelphln and Heading, both clocks
anil schedu'o*, I minute, f.
Home, iValortowii, and Ogdoim'nirg,
etx'ks only, 4 minutes, s.
Gambling Legally Defined.
tobacco manufactured iu the United
8t«fo$wbjcb turooaote bie monument, States last year waa 110,000,000 pounds,
Furs.—Au importer and exporter or
furs gives this information: < ‘The house
cat is one of the mo3t valuable of fur
bearing animals, mid when they mys
teriously disappear from the bock fence
they often find their way to the furrier.
It is an actual fact that in 1882 over
1,200,000 house cats were used by tho
fur trade. Blnck, white, mnltesc nnd
tortoise-shell skins are most iu demand.
They are made into linings and used in
philosophical apparatus. As for skunks,
Tho Supreme Court of Miohignn holds
pools soiling on games of liaso linll to be
gambling within tbe meaning of tbe
statutes of that State against keeping
gaming rooms. The foot that (lie games
upon whioh the wagers aro laid do not
take place in the room, butot a distance,
is unimportant.
“Betting wpon a gnrno of billiards
whioh is being played in Now York,”
says Judgo Cooley, “can as readily bo
carried 011 in a distant city as in tbe vory
room where the playing is going onj and
if the latter is a gaming room so must
tho other be."
The oourt considers it to bo gaming or
gambling to bet upon any game, al
though the game may be perfectly inno
cent and there may bo no wager liotwccn
the players tbemeiveB. Butting iH thus
equivalent to gambling whenever the
bet is to lie determined by the result of
n galfie, but there may be betting which
is uot gaming, as for example, in tho
case of nn election wager. Horse races,
however, as well us dog tights, footraces
and cock fights havo been held to be
games within tlio terms of the English
statute on tho subject, passed in the
time of Queen Anno, which is the basis
of mncli of the American legislation.
ON THE WRONO IIAOK.
An invalid gentleman nnd his wife had
engaged a berth in n I’ullman car on n
certain railway. Toward midnight the
f intient awoke with a severe pain in his
nick, nnd asked his wife to apply a mus
tard plaster ns quickly as possible. Ills
better half at cnco got tlio plaster ready
and then ran to tho other end of tlio car
riage to warm it at the lamp nnd muko
it draw all tho better. Returning to her
sick husband tlio littlo woman unfortu
nately wont to tho wrong lied, whioh hap
pened to bo occupied by a stout German
wine merchant, who was fast asleep. Hho
quickly drew the curtain, lifted the bed
clothes, and iu a twinkle clapped ilia
plaster on tho traveler's back. At that
moment tbe sick husband called out
from tlio berth; “Mnvy, what a long
time vou are I” Now tlio poor woman
first iieonmo aware of hor terrible mis
take. Hurrying to her husband she told
him in a whisper of what sho had done.
The poor sufferer could not help laugh
ing in spito of liis pain, nnd he laughed
until his pain had left him. Then all
was still for awhile, until suddenly loud
cri-s and imprecations were heard pro
ceeding from tho wine traveler. "IJorr-
gotsmullonendoniK-rwetter! Whnt is it
Hint I have got on my back ? llimmel-
mel-bombemgrnnnten - clemonts-donner-
und Hagslwottcrl IVhew, how it hums I
Water I Fire ! Ah 1 Oh 1 my hack !
The lied is on fire ! Thunder nnd light
ning 1 Water! my back 1” We draw
a veil over tho rest of tho story.—Port
JervU Union.
The Saginaw (Mich.) Courier says:—
A" farmer stepped into, a grocery
house here nnd sflRjL to sell a
load of apples. Tho buyerVsr the firm
was at the telephone, and the financial
man told tho farmer to wait a momont,
and ns the buy, r turned from tho tele
phone the man of onsli, who was busy,
uttrnoted his attention by n nudge, and
pointed to tho jipples. Ho went out
with the farmer and asked him what l-is
apples were worth. Tho farmer wont
down into his pocket, and pulled out a
dollar, and pointed to the bushel casket
011 the lond. The buyer said, “That's too
much, I'll give you 75 oonts.” Tho
farmer shook his bond and flourished
the dollar. He wan told it was too
much, and Hint he must take something
loss. Ho took out a scrap of paper ana
ivrolo 85 routs anil $1, and then by mo
tions imlienled that lie would take 85
cents fur one lot and 81 for tlio others.
The buyer Kiiiii, “ All right, but wh ( y
don't you talk ?” Tho farmer found his
longue, and replied; “ Why, ain’t you '
deaf?" “Not that nnvhnuy know: of."
" What did you linvo that tube to your
ear then for?" nnd tlio man from the
rural dial riots learned about the tele
phone.
ONE OP LINCOLN a STORIES.
Hcoretnry Lincoln lias enough of his
father's nature to eiiublo him to maku
f lood stories nnd to tell them well. When
10 was in Chicago with Arthtir ho, with
a number of other gentlemen, waa en
joying nn after-dinner chat, when ho told
tlda story, illustrative of the ernzo in
Chicago for chirring U10 plea of self-
defense: Three men quarreled iu nrooni
above iv saloon, when 0110 of them foil
dead from heart dinense. Tho others
wero fonrful that they would he charged /
with murder, so 0110 went to tho saloon /
nnd enticed the bartender out, while *ho • /
other carried Hie corpse down nnd plaaad /
it in a olinir with its bend on a tublo s
if sleeping off 11 drunk. When tlio bar-
render returned tho two men took a
drink, saying tlio drunken man in the
chair would pay for it, nnd went nwny.
The bartender soon shook his customer
and demanded hie pay. Tlio corpse foil
over on the floor, and ns tho bartender
stood trembling with fear, the two men
relumed with ail officer. Thoborteudor,
anticipating his arrest, quickly said,
“ Ho struck me first.”
BUPPORINO A CASE.
It was an ingenious witness tliut turned '• -
the laugh upon tho genial County At
torney of Androscoggin County, Muine,
nt court recently? Tho cuso was tho
Philip Atkins case.
"Now, hir,” said tho County Attorney,
holding up a gold chain, "what would
you huvo thought if you had noon snob a
chain as Hint around tho respondent's
neck?"
“Well, I can't say. I didn’t sco any
such chain;’’
“Well, if you bad ?”
“J can't say; never sco any such ahain
on Atkins’s neck."
"Yes," replied the Attorney; “lmt lot
us suppose 11 ease. Hupposo, for in
stance, that you hail seen this ohain
around Philip Atkins's neck; what
would you havo thought, knowing At-
itiiis, as you do?"
Tho oourl-rooni was vory quiot. Tho
witness drawled perceptibly as bo re
plied:
"Well, I snpposo if I liiul soon it, I
should have thought that ho had a gold
chain around his neck.”
The Judge rclnspcd, nnd tlio audience
exploded, and the prosecution lost tho
point.—l.cwlnlon Journal.
UNA OUOMMODA-rlNO.
Whilo tho Governor of Arkansaw woz
at tlio Louisville exposition, ho was pre
sented with a suit of clothes mailo o
Arkansaw cotton. Shortly alter his re
turn old Simon, tho politician, culled 011
tho chief executive.
“I heuhs, gubnor, dnt da gin yer a
snitob clothes while yer wnsup ynndcr.”
“Yos, made within forty-eight hours
Pensions.—In tho United States tbe
average vuluc of a pension is nliout $105.
The average date when arrears begin to
accrue is 1864. Tho number of unset
tled claims now pending which involve
arrears is 148,813. In addition, 95,692
claims aro pending which will not in
volve arrears. The present annual
charge for pensions is 832,000,000. If
half tho ponding claims arc allowed,
this will be increased to $84,836,565. if
no further claims nre received, tho an
nual chargo will of course diminish
slowly at present, but very rapidly iu n
few years.
Droi-ped Out.—11 appears I >v a lecture
of Mr. Laughton, delivered at Greenwich
recently, that the old Royal George,
„„ >AUI1I1J whose sudden careening, just as sho was
si'oioOo' weTo" used 'Ti'i^'thbi^ouritry iast i BtBrt ® «™iHO with hundreds
season, valued-from,fiftv cents to $1.20. 1 of mcn °» boftrd . linB '“"l" tho subject of
They come from 6hio' nnd New York j verse nnd romance, really went down
principally, and, as in pursuit of the | hecatiso slio was rotten, and the unusual
tiger and lion, the bravest men are rp I 'j e'K* 11 in her hold caused her bottom to
qaired,” drop out, on which slip ftjjpd an<4 sank
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
Do renson dnt we thinks dnt onr mini-
ders could bent anybody cookin’ iH Lo
calise we kain’t carry do boy’s npportitc
inter ole nge. When my wife says,
“Doan yer think ycr’d hotter do so un’
so,” I commences ter arpy will lior, but
when she says, “Go an’ do so an’so," I
hus’lcs den nn’ ilar. I knowed one man
wlmt was so good dnt ho wouldn’t pull a
steer oiitcn do ditch 011 Sunday. He
was artcrwnrd sont ter do penitentiary fur
stealing n horse on Tuesday. Do baby
is more np’ ter die den do man; do little
apple is more up’ ter fall den do well
gronoonc; do olo man is more up’ tor
die den de yonng man, fur de ripe apple
is al’ers rendy ter drap. It is a mighty
good thing ter be ’dustrious, but too
much stirrm’ ’ronn’ ain’t good fur yer.
Do patoridge is more ap’ ter bo seed by
de hawk when lio’s fly in’ 'bout den when
lie’s restin’ under do bush. Once a man
tolo me dnt ho didn’t want do office what
ho had been nominated fur, an’ dnt I10
wun’t ngwino ter ax 110 man ter volo fur
him, but wlien%e foun’ dnt I had voted
agin him ho coino uroun’ an’ raised n
row wid me. Now? when n canerdato
tells mo det be donn want de office, 1
may not say mitbiu’, but I has a mighty
stron ’spiciondat he’s a liar. —A rkansaw
Traveler.
after tlio cotton reached Louisville."
“Hump. Dat was ’bout luck g(An' In
de cotton patch nukid an’ cornin’ out wid
a coat on. Whnt yer gwino ter do wid
de gnrments, guliner ?”
“1 shall always keep tho clothes as a
souvenir—”
“Ur whnt? Blamo of dat ain’t gram
mar fur yer.”
“I mean Hint I shall always koep tho
clothes as a pleasant reminder of the
great display mado by our Slatn.”
“I’so sorry ter hcah yor talk dat way.”
“Why ?”
“’Oose I wants do clothes mysof.
Yerso’f already got a good pa’rob britches
nn’ a fust rnto cont, while my britches
ken hardly hole mo, lind my coat ain’t
lltU-n.ti-r w’ar. Gimme dut suitob close
nu’ I’ll inshore dut yer won’t forget de
’splay made by do State, fur ebery time
I seo yer I’ll ’mind yer ob de fack.
Whnt, yer ain’t ngwino ter part wid do
garments? ’Null' scd. Naixt time yer
Hlicks up yer head fur a office I hits it
sho. Good day, sail. Ef yer wants dat
coal flitch Up f'otch it up yerso’f.—Lillie
Hock Traveler,
It Was 'there.
THE RIGHT OP CONQUEST.
“Why do you make such n face in tak
ing medicine?” asked a wifoof her hus
band. "You pour it down Tommy.”
“Yes, because I am stronger than
Tommy. If Tommy were stronger than
Judge David Davis was once making
a deposit at a Washington bank ana
stood couniing a largo pile of money nt
a desk. A well-dressed young nmu
stopped up nnd, with it bow and u smile,
snid: "Judge, you linvo dropped a bill.”
Sure enough there lay a clean, crisp,
genuine two-dollnr bill nt the depositor’s
feet. “Thank yon,” blandly answered
tho judge-, placing his ponderous right
boot over tlio bill on Hie floor aud calmly
resuming his counting. Tho sharper,
taken aback by the coolness of tho pro-
*1, he would doubtless pour it down me," I needing, disappeared and tho judge was
^-Arkansaw 'J’lqvcllcr, §2 ahead bj- tbe transaction,