Newspaper Page Text
*sr~rgjBOFESio* josiah
* Ti( BARD8LKY wrapped the
' Tj last of bla foaill specimen*
: to ttawUc paper, put It to
to* trunk and *tfxx'lgbtei>ed
■ ' up, with * ntlaOed look on
his Scholarly fake, Then he went
dov/nataira to pay bla hotel bill, for be
ya* about to alart for homo-home
'nearly 1800 miles distant, and from
.which he had been absent‘a whole
mopth. It was an entirely new think
Jo the professor's experience to be so
Tar away alone. Hla Write hod always
accompanied hltn on hla former trips
and taken care of him. for be xvas Very
absent-minded and a mere child In
. many ways- But she bad been com
pelled to remain at home and help pre-
pars for their daughter's Wedding.
It was for the pnrpoae of attending
thla erent that the profeasor was now
firing up his researches.
- Ha bad postponsd hla departure he
long aa possible. There was but on$
through eastern train each day. It lift
Portobello at — o'clock In th* After
noon. He most get tklfi particular
train nn thla partlcnlar dtiy or he could
nof reach boma Until utter the wed
ding.
It wax abont 0 o'clock In the rooming
•when the profcaaor paid bla bill «t the
hotel, and lie, therefore, had fcoven
howra to wait for the train. Itoeenfred
to him that he might nae thla time to
•good advantage by going to Wlmt-
mere. a little town thirty mllea down
the road, wl^ere, he had heard, there
were evidences of aome Interesting de
posits. They told him at the hotel
that blaitraln would atop at Whatmere
and tjtfl't ho eonld get aboard there Just
aa well as at Portobollo. FnrthMttore,
Hlie harried he had just ahont time
wnough to catch a local train that
would land him at Whatmere la nn
hour.
, The professor, full of enthusiastic
anticipations, rushed away, made con-
’ nectlon* all right, and soon found him
self upon the platform of the little eta-
tlon at Whatmere.
“Just to nrold any trouble at the laat
moment." b* told to hlmtelf, “I'll boy
my ticket now."
i Hexing paid over 137.50 far the long
prlnMd slip that was to give him pass-
ag» home, provided that he compiled
With ahont n hundred and twenty-
Wen conditions, the professor hurried
away to explore, lie had floe luck and
by 3 o'clock possessed nil the specimens
It would be poaalble for him to carry.
Bo he xvent up to the station to get bla
lunch and Walt for the train. He had
Juat b|l-lrn into a raw ham sandwich
when.' be remembered that hla trunk
vrv, still at the hotel at Porlobello.
u Tha ticket agent suggested that the
professor hurry out and catch a ear
on the trolley line. They sometimes
mad* the run to Portobello In an hour
ntid a half, and If he hnd good lack
. he might yet be able to get home In
time and hare hla trank with him.
The professor demanded the money
back for bis ticket, and hnd to take
nil but 54 of It In nllrcr, mostly change.
I Then he rushed away to catch the
trolley cnr. Doga ran after him. bark
ing; geese squawked and waddled out
of bla way, and boy* sbonted after him,
but he didn't rare. He caught the ear
and anxiously asked the conductor
how long It would take to get to Porto-
hello.
i "We're due at 3.43," was the reply,
“and will get there on time If there's
no delay."
,• He Inwardly cursed everybody that
wanted to get on or off along the way,
and once when a man with a load of
potatoes got stalled on the track In
ffont of the car the professor got ont
and rolled the driver horrible names
and ottered lo light with him. in ad
dition to bla other wild performances
the professor wriggled and bobbed
around and mumbled to himself and
took queer atones ont of hla pockets
and fingered them nerx-oualy, so that
the other passengers soon began tap
ping their brows and shaking their
heads at one another. They permitted
him to lure one end of the car alt to
himself, and the conductor kept his
hand upou the Iron rod used for turn
ing switches, so as to be ready In rase
of an outbreak of violence.
When the car was within two miles
of Portobello there was a sudden Hit
and a flash and then a dead atop. Ev
erybody Jumped up to see what was
the matter, and the 'motorman, after a
hasty examination, announced that a
ping had been burned out. To make
matters worse, ha had no more plugs
with him. The professor Jumped up
and down In bis frcnxy and aald thlnps
ahont trolley companlea In general and
that ona Imphrtlcular that only a mad-
man could utter.
Gritting hla taeth and shaking his
flats at the ear, the motorman, the
conductor and the passengers, who
stood around In a wondering group,
bla month and tha perspiration trick
ling down Ms back. The dngt, and
sweat mads little streak* bt mud upon
hla face, hi* «r« bulged out, and aa
he got Into the town people began
tunning after him la troops. Borne
railed out that he was escaping from
n band of lyneberi, others jelled
"horse thief," and the professor canid
reel hla heart hammering awn? lit his
side as If It m«*t k'ufely Jnmp ont or
him hMHI he stopped to rest.
' But he kept on running, and stag
gered Into the hotel, at last,ha rely nblj
to gasp. Tbs dock ufeuvd toe dork's
bead showed ii ft was eleven min-
trunk! My trank!” the profel-
got cried ont.. “Hurry! Trank I TrtUi!
Four o’clock!”
'Great heaven*, professor," the hotel
clerk a*M, v ‘wbat's the matter? Here
Professor Bardsley la dying.”
The clerk and tha porter rushed to
ward the professor to support him to a
chair, but ha struck at them with
bis flats and kept on yelling, "Trunk!”
"Train!" “Foot o'clock!"
They Anally got him' crowded up
against the counter, where they triad
to reason with him, bat he reviled
them and succeeded In kicking the por
ter on the eblna and spilling * bottle
of Ink all ore* the register. Tbefl tb*
clerk suddenly 'thought of tpUetblhg.
.''HOre," he cried, rushing back of
the counter, and taking a letter from
h pigeon hble, “thla la for you.”
The professor took It, gazed at It In
wonder for a moment, then tor* It open
and read:
“Dear Papa—I hare made np my
mind that I cannot be happy with
Charlea after all. Bo I harp broken
the engagement, and yon, bf WuriC,
needn't bnrry to be St the wedding
Affectionately, CLAUDIA.”
__ g-Oblcatro Becord-Hettld.
Beggars are seldom well dressed; bnt
this one, by dint of much perseverance,
teemed to bare thrived In hla profess
slon. Ills cratch find beggar 1 * sigh
hardly distinguished bit ealllhg, be
cause lh* Usual hOcbmpanlinent of sad
bags Wht Missing. A tattered news-
boy, with n lordly stmt, came stroll
ing by. He bad Just told ont hit
papers and waa taking things easy.
He slowed up, assumed a position of
reat, and changed hla clgaretta to the
corner of bts month with the precise
angle of elevation; then he squinted at
the beggar. Ha waa hardly mof* than
ten or eltven year* old,
•/Struck tt tough, ber ye?" sold tho
boy to th* beggar, in * charitable aort
of way,
The beggar did not answer. It was
Viieiet* 'to nsk the boy for anything,
Vt wonld bo like drawing blood ont of a
turnip,
“Aw, tafia this and gimme back three
cento,’’ nld the newsboy, - suddenly
seized with a stroke of benevolence.
The beggar was taken by surprise,
and as hp held out hla trembling band
for tha flva-cent piece hla eye raltercd.
“Aw, keep thef change; keep tber
whole Jit," the newsboy added with a
sigh, "air* It ter the kids at home,”
he added; “I know whut It la tor her
er fnm'ly meraolf.”
He waa only a boy of ten, and be
squared hla shoulders aa ha walked
thongbtfully down the street.—Atlanta
Constitution.
OF POLAR MISERY.?-
Three Men Who Lived *V Month, on
Penguins and ’Little Else.
be of service lo future explorers In
distress during the surrey of the deso
late and stormy Southern lands.—New
fdt-k ltlH. . • aH..! !•
A Woman's Ilnuplnc__
An Engaged Girl, who went away
for tha Summer, Bore the Separation
from her Lover Very Well na long as
Ills Letters to her wero Fliled with
Loneliness and Despair. Thus flie
Drat part Of the Summer waa Joyous
and Gladsome. Whenever she would
get a Letter that waa Particularly Mis
erable abe would Put on her Shortest
Dreaa. with Open-work Stockings, and
with Boisterous Spirits would go out
onto the Piazza and Flirt Outrageously
with the attenuated old Profeisor,
xvho, having lost hla Memory, still con
tinued to Visit the Resort.
She wonld also go to bed on theso
Nights singing a song and with a
Happy Smile on her Lips, after having
Reread her Lover's Letter. It Hap
pened, however, thnt na tho Summer
Wore On her Lover's Letters Grew
Somewhat Less Despondent nnd gavo
Occasional Accounts of Little Pleas
ure! that bad Como Ills Way. Where
upon the girl' got a Grouch anil. Fall
ing to see the old Professor, went for
Long Walks alone, and Noticed Every
Time her Mother's Hat wo* on
Crooked, and Began to Find Fault
with her Lover, and tell him that hla
Melancholy Letters bad Spoiled ber
Summer.
Moral-A Woman's Ideal of Happi
ness is Only Fully Realized when zbo
Ivuows Some Man la Unhappy About
Her.—Chlnetnnatl Tlmes-Star.
Vet the Osesctsecs Fead.
A draper carrying on business at
Maidstone received the following cur
ious letter by post;
"Some years ago a woman took from
your counter at a Are salvage aale a
pair of child's socks, value about eight
and three-fourth pence. She la now
seeking reformation, and the act haa
hindered her. The enclosed stamps
lvalue one shilling) la payment of the
same."
The theft to which this remarkable
confession refers took place twelve
yean ago. Tha letter bears no signa
ture.—Reynold's Newspaper.
Old Horsts.
In consequence of Inquiries made In
Parliament the British Government
will proceed to ascertain- some facta
nbout the old and unfit horses exported _
from England to Germany, and ! of It j n marvelous fashion, even though
• whether tbelr-fleah U made Into con-' , bc wlntcr „ r , lhcm a , bUlck os AfrI .
I'.itnento of various kinds, returned to nnt-
this country and sold aa article* *f>| Dr ; Aaderaaon believes that a rail
‘ oo4, * description of their experiences wSl
LL who would like to know
how three men can exist
when cast away on the
share* bf ti .tola* land an
the verge ot winter; frltll
food enough only Toy a few
weeks, with no,shelter Wceptibg n
tent, no Wtl hnd no other resources
save two guns, aome ammnultlon and
a tall needle, may have their curiosity
satisfied In the detailed nairatlva
which Dr. J. Gunner Andgrawn la will
ing. H« Will tei) bf the Antarctic win
ter of 1903 which he and two comrades
spent la a misery of dirt and darkness
on the bleak shore of Northern Graham
Land, to the south of Booth America.
Some deUflla of the story have al
ready been made public by Ur. Nor-
densklold In bla reoerit address before
tbe Royal Geographic Society in Lon
The three men kept Ufa In their
bodies through tha winter, hut lived In
great wretchedness, and so changed
wet* they to appearance when day
light came tbit their best Mends
wonld hdt.bilv* hnowit .theni:,. The^
Wkre . tactnbera bf Dr. Otto Norden-
aklold's party on the steamer Antarc
tic, bnt be did not know that any men
from that vessel were on land, nnd
when he met them In tho spring ho
did not recognise them as a part of
his oxtn expedition until they told
their names.
No wonder, for they were as black
as coal from head to foot, with .long
black half hanging down Over their
shoulders and black, bushy beards.
The skis on' which they were travel
ing over the snow were the only thing
about them that seemed to Indicate
some acquaintance with civilization.
They seemed to belong to one of the
lower types of men who live almost In
a natural state, like tbe brute crcatlmt,
The dogs took fright at the forbidding
black figures and bolted In every di
rection.
Late In 1902 the Antarctic was try
ing to force her way through the heavy
Ice to reach Dr. Nordensklotd’a ramp
at Snow Hill, about 130 miles to the
southwest. When It became evident
that the Teasel eonld not reach hla
ramp, Dr. Andcrason, the leader of the
chip parly, decided to try to reach the
explorers by * lledg* journey over the
ken, ice and iand.
He took with lilm Fr. Duse and a
sailor named Granden nnd a small
stock of inppllea and set ont with high
hopes ot soon reaching hla friends.
Sledging, however, proved to be enor
mously dllRcnlt, and by the time the
little party reached land their strength
nnd resources were nearly exhausted.
The twilight was lengthening, the
darkness would soon fall and they
knew vciy well that If they tried tt)
make the butch' ot loo miles tonlh-
Wftrd and met with any special difficul
ties In the antraveracd land they wero
certain to perlab. There was nothing
to do except to go Into camp, nnd eke
rot tho winter somehow or other.
They had abont three weeks' supply
cf canned meats, bread and coffee,
three sleeping bags, a piece ot tar
paulin and a tent, bnt no Implements
excepting a few knives nnd cooking
utensils and one needle, and nothing to
wear except their aummer clothing.
Tbe first thing to do was to provide
shelter and then to secure all the
game poaalble before darkness put an
and to hunting.
They pnt up their tent nnd piled up
atones so aa completely to encircle the
tent with a stone wall. Over the whole
they spread the piece ot tarpaulin.
Their abodo waa thna provided with
Arable walla; and when the snow cams
they covered their hut deep under
snow, excepting at the narrow en
trance. They were thna able through
out the winter to keep nn average tem
perature of only a little below the
freezing point
Within a few miles there wero plenty
tt penguins waiting to be shot, and
by tbe time the winter night bid fairly
fallen they bad killed and frozen nbout
*00 of theao birds. Penguins are not
good eating, nnd the nrt of cookery, aa
practiced In the Antarctic regions, has
sever made their flesh very palatable.
But they were the staff of life of the
three men thnt winter, eked ont by a
mouthful or two ot bread each day, an
occasional bite ot preserved meat and
the flesh of seals thr.t were killed noxv
and then nnd whose chief utility waa to
supply oil for fnel. Seal blubber was
piled In a large meat tin and set to
biasing and smoking, and It was thnt
that the sktna, clothing and sealskins
worn by the men were tamed densely
black.
Every one baa heard ot the revulsion
of stomach and nerves from which
men rafter they they try to eat a quail
a day for thirty days. When men
falter at such a task, xre can Imagine
that nothing but the fenr of death
wonld drive them to eat the coarse and
greasy penguin every day for sex-en
months. The feat was accomplished
and It shows what men ran do when
necessity drives.
But the hardest part ot their lot,
after all, was the protracted confine
ment during the long, stormy winter.
Seal blubber was too scarce to be used
excepting when the meals were cooked,
nnd so tor days at a time the men
curled up In their sleeping hags In the
pitchy darkness, with nothing to read
if they could have seen to read, and
nothing to do but to listen to the liowt-
Ing ot the polar storm.
It waa harxl fate, bnt they came oat
ft host’iTsL tertto ...
The Heir Vl.naa Ho*>llal Will tj* a fcltf
Id Itsalr.
United States Consul Guenther, of
Frankfort, wrltca that when the nexr
hospital,In Vienna la completed It will
total 9 bxffl bf HtWlf. . ,. a ’ •
The total area covered la 2,400,000
square feet, and there will be forty
■eparate buildings, of which thirty-
two will be clinics or hospitals and the
remaining eight will be devoted to
offices and residences for tb« staff. All
the clinic* will have flat roofs with
gardens, so that patients, particularly
consumptives, can be In the open nlf
tt much as possible. Each patient
will have 1030 square feet of space,
the largest proportion of space allotted
to a patient In any hospital in tho
world; *
A bdrfeapdndeUt bf th* Frankfurter
gcltnhif. tty*, ihal „tj£ tmiHStecost
will be from 37,000,000 to *S,0CD,0W. .
Tbe hospital will be on the "pavilion”
or “cottage" plan. Each pavilion, with
Its sick wards, operating and lecture
rooms, will form a hospital by Itself,
and of these there will ba eighteen.
Th* hospital will have 2300 bed*. The
magnificent operating fooms will be of
a new type. In the clinics for Infec
tious disease* tbfi patient will he aep-
tinned from the profespor and th*
students by a glass partition.
A number ot medical atndenta will
live In tho hospital for tbe purpose of
close stndy nnd observation. The lat
est technical achievement will be util
ised throughout tbs Institution.
Orlgto of “Meals."
Since every one Is fond of ii tlchle Jt
Is well enough that picnickers should
know the origin of th* word. A pains
taking newspaper man has dag np nn
attempt to trace the word in London
Notea and Queries of 1833. Under ft
French form tbe word appears In a
speech by Robespierre, "C’est lei qu'H
dolt tn'accaser, et nan dsns les piques-
nlques." An earlier Inatanee occurs In
one of Lord Chosterfleld'a letters,
dated October, 1748. Anhtbaf writer of
the same date trie* to trace the word
through France Into Italy. . Starting
with the nsramptlon that plqnenlqno
In French Implies a party at which
each finest provides some partlcnlar
dish or perform* aome special duty, he
fltids tho Italian expression “Nlcchla”
(duty) and "plccola” (a trifling service),
and from these he coin* “plccola nlc- ■
chla" (picnic). A French encyclope
dia, 1843, has It that the word la com-
pouhded bf the simple English “pic”
(to choose) and “nick" (lit the nick of
time, on the spur ot the moment). In
France the term Is also nsed for Indoor
picnics. In America the word “picnic”
Is confined to out-of-doors affairs, and
In the old-time meaning of the word It
was a basket dinner given In the
woods. The word Is given a broader
meaning now, and la freqnently nsed
to describo the nnnnal celebrations ot
certain organisations.—Memphis Morn
ing Newt. ‘
Aa Irish Railway story.
The London Dally Telegraph tells a
good story of nn Irish railway experi
ence In County Donegal. Captain Ken
nedy, after n xveek’s successful angling
In the streama nnd lakes ot tin Rosses,
was proceeding to Derry on the Lough
Swllly Railway, when at Crolly Bridge
station something went wrong with
the engine, which came to a stand
still. Captain Kennedy, after survey
ing the engine, relumed to hla compart
ment, secured hla rod and line, and pro
ceeded to utilise the time In fishing
on the Crolly River, a flue salmon
stream which runs near the station.
Within a few minutes the enthusiastic
angler had booked a splendid salmon
ot flftecu pounds, which kept him en
gaged until a signal was made that the
engine hnd been repaired. Thereupon
tbe angler landed tils flsh, and walked
cooly to bis compartment, salmon In
one hand and rod In the other, a broad
smile lighting up bit countenance. The
other passengers could only use strong
language In condemnation of tbe meth
ods of tho Lough Swllly Hallway.
T* Deepen Ship Canal.
A Select Committee of the House ot
Lords are considering a proposal to
deepen tbe Manchester Ship Canal, and
to raise the low-water level of the riv
ers Weaver and Mersey. Mr. Balfour
Brown, K. C., In stating the case fog
tbe promoters, said that at present the
depth ot the canal waa only twenty-six
feet. In recent years tho size of ves
sels had enormously Increased, and a
greater depth of water waa now abso
lutely nrcessary. When the depth of
the canal was ,flx«1 at twenty-stx feet
there were not hair a dozen vessels
hullt which could not got up tbe canal.
Now hundreds ot vessels were too
large to navigate the canal. Tb* deep
ening proposed would enable vessels of
11.300 tons dead weight to navigate th,
canal.
I HOUSEHOLD HELPS..
; When making silk or z*tm btonaea
line with thin flannel or flalmaletto.
i It will prolong tho Ufe of year blonsa
’ nnd make a thin silk wand enough
| for winter wear.
To clean leather chair* rub over
• Ffcfe hk nl!k. and when dean and
■ dry 0Hi *tth beenwax and tXTrpca-
^ tine melted to tho emwlatoney of thin
i cretin.
For a kitchen floor covering tt la
, always beat to boy a good quality of
linoleum. Never wash It; but poliaS
! With beeswax and turpentine. When
. dtftf dtld greasy wipe over with par-
1 affin and pffifah. with elotha.-
1 To clean yo!f*t firoenrfi a email
, square of plpecia r. f*«« d"*!**"
. one tb clean th^ir miUWfiflr .bM
! *cr*j>e a little oi* upon the refrdtf
i then taka * brash made ot the same
! material,,U. the carpet, wblak and
j lightly brush U ffff, Tbl* ralsci the
■ pile and restores thd-hjee*.
| Potato peelings. If dried In the e*»n,
. are said to be very useful tof nr#
kindling. IF sufficiently abundant
they 'may be nsed Instead ot wood,
Wt in any caae. they will economise tt.
A bit of glove powder coata bnt a
'j trifle and by It* constant use the life
( Of gloves will be greatly prolonged.
Tie powder helps the glove to slip
on easily and prevent*' dragging or
jailing of the leather, besides keeping
the hands cool and dry In hot weather.
fb* little .aoft eotton dish mope
make exddltflM dusters.
The wax from dripping randies earf
be removed from table Ifnea SJf a
generous application A alcohol.
A little soap flit# with alove blaok-
Ing will produce better and more laif
log lustre than wlthdflt,
Cold rain water and eofp win re
mora machine grease. To reffiOva
peach stains soak fabric lo spirits of
ctffiiitior before wetting.
The smart Woman save* time and
patience by keeping i Che* horn with
the children'* rubber* to Mihe Ihalr
donning easy.
If itoveplpes are well robbed with
lard and Held In several thickness ot
flewspapare, they ran be safely stored
without feir of real.
Atom the size of fl hlehory nut, dia-
solve,! In a pint of starch Wflf bright
en tho color In mnallns, gingham* flfd
calicoes atter washing.
Grass stains on linen * should be
soaked for a few momenta in kereo-
aene then washed In very hot water
with a generous anprly of ooap.
If non-mat hairpins are used to
flslefl them down, curtains can be as
nicety dried on a thick grass plot aa
In regular ztreteterz.
Several thicknesses ot newspaper*
laid telweCfl th* bed springs'and mat
tress are equal ill wtfffith to another
mattress. Laid between the blanket
and quilt they equal an «x(ri blanket.
Medicine can be easily administered
to a cat by mining It wRJi lard and
rubblrx It on the forelegs nezr thq
should,-* where It can be Ucked but
not rolled on.
Ail experienced cook states that
aou■ milk III which soda haa been
thoroughly dtazolved. In the proportion
of one-quarter teaspoonful of soda to
one cupful milk, can be uzed aa twari
milk. If only a little leas baking pow
der Is used In the flour than w/ti
sweet milk.
Tlrxlal* rnichin Catch.
The Rev. Isaac W. Johnson vouched
for the troth of a unique flab story.
As Mr. nnd Mr*. T. A. Eure wire
driving from tbel.- home In Gates
County. N. C., to the county scat they
crossed a stream xrhlch had been
swollen hy rains. When about the
middle of the brook a jackfisb eighteen
Inches long jumped imt of the water
iuto the buggy. Sirs. Eure was startled
hut did not leap on:. Tbe flsh was
teoked for rapper.—Suffolk correspond
ence .Washington Post. .
Richest Mtxlcan.
General Lula Terrazas, "the rich
est Mexican," la going to make a
tour cl the United States, General
Terrazas Is a person who Is said to
be worth, en a conservative estimate,
1200,000,000. He haa a heap of gold,
real cash, so we are told, amounting
to a bo id $180,000,000, ct perhaps a
few millions more. He la called the
largest Individual land owner in the
-wcrld. Ills real estate I* aald to be
.about 20,000,000 acres, constating of
fifteen huge reaches or hacienda*.
The rich Mexican has fifteen farms,
each one cf which Is almost as large
as the state cf Delaware. He Is the
reputed owner ot herd! of cattle sup
posed to number about 1,000,000;
towns are situated In bis domains;
he haa banka and factories; 10.C00
rustlers and fowboys round np hla
cattle.—Kansas City Journal
In an article pa the British Medical
Journal aome time ago Dr. H. Walter
advanced tbe theory that atmospheric
pressure plays an Important part In
determining the occurrence of strokes
of apoplexy, states the New York Com
mercial. He cited the well knoxrn
fare that at certain times there seen*
to be abort lived'epidemics ot apo
plaxy; that these are coincident with
a rise of tho barometer; therefore, ba
argues, the Increased air pressure la
probably the cause of the excessive
number of apoplectic seizures.
The death of Prince Bismarck
elmply eerves to acquaint the world
with the fact that the real Prince Bl»
march had a ton.
It bodes no good to pocketbooka
when women begin to admire fall
hate.
WORLD'S PAID ST.' UffiR
Louisville and Nashville Railroad.
Mfoaaaegotagioth* World’s Fait ysa
waat tha hast leeto. The LSI. k the
•heitaat, qxdokeet aa* best Itae. Thna
Hala* dally- Through Pnllaua Sleeping
Care am* Statag Oats. Law late llaksu
a*M dally- Oet rates hem your loeel a«eel
■ad aek lor deists via L. * X. flroeovn
Au-oms a* MAMMOTH CATS.
Allkladaof tafonnattoafamished ooap.
j. a. HOLLSKUGX,
V .WAR.
It for transcend* th* interest
Of Russia er Japan.
It’s the men who can’t raise whiskers,
Agiinst the ana who,ean.
t], S
■ finv BY TEN WORDS.
jgukg—“Four thousand Jap* we
killed tf the explosion of' a Bur '
magaslne they had taken." ■ •
Jinks _“W*H. they ought to have
known better thqn to try to reala Bus-
Man magaslne.” — Cincinnati Ci»nimer>
Get-Tribune. J
THEN HE LEFT. ' -J -i
“Yes,” said Mr. Borem, Tb dla'P- ;
pointed In these shoes. It's funny now'- .
adays how one's things .wear ont b*'
fore one knows It.”
"Yea," replied Mis* Weary, with ni
yawn, ''especially one's welcome-”—*
Philadelphia Ledger. ; j
! V*. V NEXT.
Stranger (In Stooeap)—“Are you .Iht*
local Judge?" '
Judge Mossy—"I reckon I am!”
Stranger—"Well, I am tbe advance-
agent for Percy Van Rocks and bis
anto. I settle bl* lines la advance so
aa to save delay r—Puck. ,
> MUST BE CLEVER. "I
Passerby—'"I thought that yon were
blind?”
Mendlcant-“W*W, boa*, times Is so
hard and competition I* SO great that
even a blind man has to ko»P hla eyes
open nowadays If be .wants to do any
business at all.”—Chicago Journal. ^ ^
‘•*1^ SURE SIGN. \ N N
“Ton say be hae a visionary and Im
practical nature?"
"Yda.” answered the girl who la em
ployed In tho poatofflee. "He Is one
Of these people who write ‘Rush’ on am
envelope Instead ot putting on a spe
cial delivery stamp.”—Washington Star.
' QUICK COMPREHENSION. \
Mr. Borely—“Don’t yon think n great ’
many uninteresting people come to thla:
place?"
Mrs. Ketchup—"Ob, I’m comparative
ly a stranger, you know. Do you come
here every year?"-CUIcagu. Daily
News. N, )
BRIGHTENING THE PAPER A
Bangs—“Wonder what there was ice
the papur to-day about Masterson?"
Grime*-"Didn’t know there .xvu* any
thing." s
Bangs—"Oh, there mast have been.
He waa saying to tie that to-ckiy': Is
sue was unusually Interestin'-."- -"qs-
ton Transcript.
STINGY.
“Why did you quit the Iiieiiicys.
Jane?”
‘Tt was the stlnglncaa of ’en. num.
I waa a-lookln' ont me kitchen window
one day. when the mistress comes in •
and aaya that she'd give a petty tar
me thoughts — and then) millionaire^
molnd you!”—Detroit Free Trees. -
IN SUMMER. TC 7. 'V
“Where Is Boxom?”
‘Tie's acting as clerk In a enun :ei
hotel.”
“How does he like It?" "
"Not at all."
“Why not?"
“Says It'* too hot work.'
“Hot work?”
"Yea; be haa to aland over the rcgls
ter all day.”—Cleveland risht-Dealer.
VANITY IlCmoVED.
Gentleman (to burglar)—"I *ay. wha-.
ire yon doing In ay honae?”
Burglar (coolly)—“Your honae! Is It
Jour bouse? I thought yan only rented
Gentleman (quite taken aback)—
“Why, yea, bnt, 'pon my word, cf all—"
Burglar—“Well, don't you be to 'igh
and mighty, talkin' abont yocr boas-.
Indeed. Good night” — London Tib
Bits.
A LICHT REAtCN.
Pay^Ur™ *° b ' m - cK:
“Nope.”
“Wife away?"
"Nop*.”
“On yonr vacation?*
“Nope.”
“Then why so Joyful Y’
3 “‘ and it s only
"‘Vrmr Sr**
