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Vienna Progress. |
11. D. SMITH.
.Kntoied fis second clfts iruil matter
JUNE 0 1004.
Served Him Right.
A typist. Chawing >: im, one day
dot on tho old man's oarves, nnd, Bay.
Ho flrco hnr for dial little trick;
tioi-nur ;. d her on the double quick.
The Explosion.
The auto rushing at full speed
Scoots proudly down the track.
Tho rider sits with hend erect
And never once looks back,
But, oh, pride has an awful jolt
’When It picks up a tack.
But Bhc’n avenpr-d .11 right, nil right
He got o now girl, pert and bright.
'Cainst quip and gibe she Is Immune
And nlntra "Bedolla" out of tune.
Need Watching.
“When yon nre lh Romo you uniat do i wind colic,
as tho Romans do.”
“Not necessarily, but yon must watch
out or the Romans will do you.”
Knew One Thing.
"Can you doctor automobiles?” asked j
the chauffeur, pulling up in front of'
the veterinary surgeon's office with his
disabled machine?”
| “Well,” said the genial horse doctor.
| feeling of tho flattened tire, “I do not
make a specialty of it. htit I r.-irt roll
j you til.' - tills one is not suffering from
* “ “ i
0 0 0
Had a Motive.
“Do you think
the colonel will
be elected?"
“Yes, when he
Is around. I
am stuck on his
brand of ci-
gurs.”
0 0 0
Mark of Distinction.
"Bay, what'll cure rheumatism?”
“I don't know."
“Don't know! You must bo bidding
for tho hall of fame.”
She Always Gets It.
The shirt waist girl Is here once mors
With blushing check of tun,
And she will captuif, as of yore,
The heart of tlm.la man.
She'll march along, her golf bag slung
At her nthlotlc side,
Whllo closo beside It will be hung
Ills scalp, securely tied.
Hid the Gsme Beaten.
“If yon think war is a picnic,'young
Sann, you bad butter try elsewhere.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I am going nlong
as n surgeon."
On the Right Track.
“What are you hunting?”
“Trouble, I guess, judging from the
tmmlicr of “No Trespass” signs I have
passed.”
Couldn't Have Both,
“Of course there Is money In liens,"
“Possibly, but I don’t enro about go
ing through life without neighbors.”
Must Be.
"la Jones an optimist?”
“Is lio? That man would pny alimo
ny cheerfully!"
Just a Habit
"Poor boy! His sweetheart has learn
ed to lovo another.”
“If you knew her you wouldn’t say
that. She did not have to learn. It
comes natural to her.”
The Usual Way,
"How did he break himself of tho
habit of drinking?”
"He didn't, It broke him.”
Evidently.
He wan a meld
younBster: ho'iir-. ■
cr auilcd hi- blij.
He never went In
swimming, he nev
er told a lib,
He never teased foi
pennies nor cried
when .left alone.
As you may guess,
this youngster was
carved In puro
white stone.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Should Keep It Up.
“Wliat do yon think of n mnu who
It really only takes one to make u
quarrel,' if he Is determined.
will sell bin vole for n cigar?”
“I think lie should smoko in the next
world ns well as in tills.”
After a man hns been married a year
he wonders how It over happened.
Children nro suro to be the victims of
their own bud judgment when they
give nn III timed Imitation of tho head
of the house in a joking humor.
If There Were a Choice.
“I wouldn't marry him if he were
the Inst man on earth 1”
"You bet you couldn’t if you were
not the last woman.”
People who can’t take n Joke ure apt
to bo regarded by their acquaintances
as great jokes themselves.
There 1b nothing remarkably forbid
ding about a dentist's ofllce, but many
people linve lost tliclr nerve there.
A Good Reason.
The reason that wo call It spring
Is. plain as poster type,
For that's the season of the year
When new spring hats are ripe.
Came the Same Way.
“Some fiend incarnate hns stolen my
umbrella.”
“You talk as- though It was one that
you bought”
A Better Name.
“How did ho make his money?”
“In the brewery business.”
“I'd call that pleasure rather than
business.”
To get the disagreeable truth nbout
yourself ask tho children.
Commercialized.
Then honors cheer the prophet,
For In his native land
When he can spell it profit
They rush to clasp his hand.
Tho fool who admits his folly Is no
fool.
Make good when the sun shines ami
come in when it rains.
In No Danger.
“Yesi-I expect to live 100 years."
"You should easily on the theory
that death loves a shining mark.”
The Big Difference.
“What is tho difference between a
nurse and a trained nurse?”
. “All of |10 n week.”
No man cnir v. in a girl by talking
exclusively about the weather.
There are no rules for ploying the
game of heu-'s. A two spot often
captures a q'ic-en.
A scholarship in the Ga.-Ala bus
mens college is for sale at this office.
There is a bargain in it.
If the Russians want onr sympathy
they should saw off two-thirds of their
names.
There is u time fur all tilings, and
tho time lo ent Is when you have a
incnl ticket.
An ounce of prevention is not worth
a pound of cure if the prevention is
quinine Vnd the pure Is a trip to the
seashore. t
By no stretch of the Imagination can
nn alnrm clock he made to sound like
music in the early hours of the morn
ing. «
rerhnps the doctors disagree so that
they may have nwhnnce to charge two
fees.
When the asylum burns down the
blind man can see his finish'.'
Take Different Views.
When In the windows on display
Spring hats stand forth In state,
Pleased man takes notice, by the way,
Of those marked .08. /
He looks again nnd murmurs, "That
Is stylish and will do.”
But wifle, dear, Is looking at
A "ltd" marked <32.
Dr. Carlisle's Liver Pills.
these pills meet a want of the people'
that ro putont pill can supplv, being the
ffitnlUgent administration of an efficien
lemedy When tho elimination ot dis
eased matter in necessary, theso pills havr
no snpurior, especially in a Southern
climate, where the Mood is socontm ifiated
with.malnrial poison.
No intelligent phjsiclrn w'.U hesitate
for a moment to recommend these pllli,- ,
tho formula, which is invariably approved
by tho medical profession, being printed
on each paOKnge.
Directions; For Torpid Liver, Dys
pepsia, indigestion, Sick Headachel Oon -
stipation, Colds, Swimming in the head,.
& c., < no or two pills should be taken at.
bedtime.
For Chills nnd Fever, Billious int
ermittent or continued Fever a fall dose-
should he taken.
As a laxativoono to two pill at bedtime.
As a purge, two to three'pills at bedtime-
DR. R. M. CARLISLE.,
MACON ,
t\ 13,000 MILKS FOR *26.
The Atlantic & Birmingham rail
way has placed on sale at its princi
pal Tioket Offices 1,000 Mile Tiokets
at rate $26.00, goodover the follow-
i ig lines;
Atlanta & Birmingham Air Line
Atlanta, Knoxville & Northern Ry.
Atlanta & Wnst Point R. R:
Atlantic & Birmingham Ry.
Atlantie Coast Line R. R.
Charleston & Western Carolii a Ry
Goorgia Railroad.
Louisville & Nashville R. R,
Nashville, Chattanooga & St. Louis Ry!'
Richmond, Fredericksburg & Potomac R ; R
Seaboard Air Line Ry.
Waebington'Southorn, Ry.
‘Western’* Atlantic R.R.
Western Railway of Alabama.
These Lines comprise 13,000
Miles of Railroads.
This ticket presents tho cheapest
and most convenient form of travel.
H. C. MoFADDEN,
General Passenger Agent.
i
/
1
it you are on a
Rural Free Delivery
Mail Route
UNCLE SAM SAYS
That you must haveja
oy the Postmaster General, If you
the R. F. D., We have for sale one of
That is approved
get your mail on
on the market; latest, approved by the Postmaster
General. fjlTL ^ "O ^
J. J. COOPER, Proprietor
1