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OS IT IV ELY cTYlf.
Kill Chandler, says the At
lanta Constitution, got higher pri-
(1( „. for his condemned Yvar-batteaux
than their appraisements. John
It.au-li ought to set up the beer to
Kill lest Congress may not.
(! me O'ifizeit.
Volume 2.
Waynesboro, Georgia, I' rid ay, October
A TALK I'ltOJI TIIK XKW VOKK TUIllt'NK.
Tliln Cuulil Nut It.-,
riltsdolil (Muss.) C'orr. New York Tribune.
my way from
Last summer, on
Florida to Selma, Alabama, 1 deter
mined to make a part of the jour-
rhe Atlanta Constitution has pnr- ney on horseback for the benefit of
eliusfd a new lot, ami will com-
nioiift* the erection of a new office
loiiiincnsurate with the importance
of that great paper. We congratu
late the Constitution upon its pros
perity, but our great contemporary
must remember that Tun Citizen
is mi his track, and he must run on
,, fust schedule or take a side track.
With a prudent, honest policy the
success of the Democratic party is
assured. The amount of availabili-
tv instead of political honesty seems
tiihe the guide-post in directing the
notion of the Democratic leaders
in their selection of a standard
bearer in the next Presidential cam
paign.
Prominent among the
names of those who are aspiring to
the leadership of the Democrats in
188-1, stands the name of Clovernor
Hen. F. Butler, of Massachusetts—
the cock-eyed spoon-thief of New
Orleans. The Ijoast who attempt
ed to degrade the ladies of that city
bvhis infamous militrry orders and
by incarcerating them in noisome
dungeons; the man who hanged in
nocent men because they would not
turn traitor to their country, their
kindred and their people; he who
under the Hag of the country and
by the force of bayonets stole and
destroyed private property. Such
and one is this Beast among men
whom no Southern man who has
any respect for the name of mother,
wife, sister or sweetheart can or
will support. When the Democrats
nominate Benj. F. Butler, the Beast,
they may not only expect defeat,
but it will be the death knell of the
party, lie suits Massachusetts well
enough—let him stay there. The
Democrats have already had suffi
cient experience in the Greeley
campaign to convince them that the
policy of placing these Northern
while-washed Radicals at the head of
the national ticket amounts to party
suicide.
There has been an excited dis
cussion going on among tiie citi
zens of Savannah, in the columns
ol the Times, for a week or more,
upon the question, “Should children
he whipped at school?” Thirteen
years in the school-room, we think,
gives us sufficient experience to
know something about the man
agement of school children. There
are children whom it will not do to
whip at school—it will ruin them.
This class is few. There are others,
however, who cannot enjoy good
health without an occasional
thrashing. This class is many.—
The discreet teacher will quickly
discriminate between the two class
es. It is the first duty of a teacher
to learn the disposition and mental
capacity of every child under his
care. It is wrong—it is cruel—to
whip a boy of small capacity to
force him to do what to him is im
possible. Neither should a teacher
cut right and left without discre
tion-such an one has no business
in the office of teacher. Again, a
teacher should be extremly careful
never to inflict unjust punishment
—it is much better that a hundred
guilty should escape than that an
innocent one he punished. But we by
no means admit that the rod should
he banished from the school-room,
it is the only way by which the
“had hoy” can be controlled, and
for them to know that the teacher
has no authority to whip them into
measures is to givo the reins of
government up an abandon all dis
cipline. There is a medium which
the discreet must adopt and follow
ils the emergencies of each individ
ual case may require. But the pa
rent has his part to do in the main
tenance of discipline in the school
room. More trouble has come from
unguarded remarks of parents to
their children about their teachers
than all other sources. We have
never known a child which was
properly controlled at home to he
much trouble in the school-room.—
1‘urents should employ teachers
in whom they have confidence, and
then support his authority steadily
11 nd tiriuly, Should anything oc
cur which the parent does not un-
derstand, no impetuous word should
escape his lips in the presence of
"w child, hut u private interview
s lmuhl he sought with the teacher,
" ben, if a proper inclination to do
1 ight exists on both sides, all mat
ure generally easily settled.-—
e an> all, both men and children,
creatures under authortlty—the very
genius of our political government
'miches this principle—and are dls-
posetl to yield unless encouraged by
"*'ut we appreciate as a higher
power, when insubordination is
!! ‘tain, whether it be in the gov*
of the State or school
my health. 1 was acquainted with
the country, and so was the clergy
man with whom I spent a night
soon after I started. However, he
produced an ancient map, and by
its aid I chose the “Bottoms road,”
from Andalusia to Greenville, a dis
tance of eighty-three miles, accord
ing to the same well-meaning guide,
I had no idea the “Bottoms road”
was unused until I had ridden per
haps twenty miles and left the last
cabin behind me. But the weather
was fine, and I would not turn back.
When the first night came without
the sign of habitation, 1 tethered
my horse, rolled myself in a blanket
and slept on the ground.
All the next day 1 rode, and saw
not a house nor a human being. At
six o’clock when I had already
made up my mind to spend another
night in solitude, 1 came upon a
roadside camp-fire, beside which a
negro sat. Of all colored men that
I have met, this one was the fatest,
greasiest and happiest. He gave
me ft bow as I stopped.
“Good ebenin’to you, massa,” he
saluted.
“Good evening,” I returned. “Can
you tell me how far I am from the
nearest house.?’
“Its a pow’ful distance to walk!”
the fellow grinned.
“And who lives there when you
get there?” I questioned after vain
ly trying to get the distance in
miles, or at least in length of time.
“Ole mars’, he lib dur,” was the
answer; and further questioning
elicited the information that “ole
mars’” was another name for Mars’
George Wiltsie; that 1 was then on
the border of his plantation; that
his residence was several miles dis
tant; that the negro was yclept
“Sam;” that he resided with “ole
mars’,” and that he “was down dis
way ‘splorin’ to see if dar couldn’t
be timber cut in dis seckshun.”
I was soon camping by his fire,
with my horse feeding near by
on the grass.
EIRE MASTER I.IKE SLAVE.
t(TS I
Wt
G'lllllimt
room.
In ten minutes I made up my
mind that “Sam” was the most ig
norant of Africans. Could he tell
me how far 1 had traveled since the
yesterday morning? lie had no
idea. How far to the next turn?
Didn’t know; never heard of the
next turn. How far to the nearest
neighbor? Didn’t spect there was
any nearest neighbor now. Mars’
Felton used to be nearest, but his
house was burned these dozen
years.
After many other questions, the
answer leaving me more and more
convinced of the creature’s igno
rance, he began to praise Mr. AVilt-
sie, concluding with: “Do lies’ mas’r
in Alubam! Nebber selled any of
us nigs for some while!”
“And you all continue living
with him just as you did before you
were freed ?”
“We ain’t freed!” declared the
paragon of ignorance; and I now
come to the conclusion that ho was
a fool. Out of all patience, I fixed
my bunk for the night, and placed
my pistol at my pillow. In the
morning the negro w as not to be
found, and I was more and more
convinced of bis insanity, and had
him in mind as I rode onward.
SOMETHING LIKE A MOATED
(i RANGE.
My third day’s journey—at least
the forenoon’s part of it—was not
unlike the first and second day’s.
At two o’clock I suddenly came
upon a field of corn by the roadside.
A little further on five or six ne
groes were standing, among them
“Ham” of the previous night. “Dat’s
him,” 1 heard “Sam” say as I ap-
paroached, and like the cows and
mules, the negroes scampered. I
went to the house. It was an old-
fashioned, typical southern house
that had evidently seen better
days. The main door was of heavy
carved oak, battered and weather
beaten, and the knocker tln^t I took
up was much worn.
It was ten minutes or more before
my twice repeated knock had an
answer. Then the door was opened
slowly by a colored woman. A nod
of the head answered my question
as to whether the master was at
home, and scarcely invited I went
in. The woman vanished, to appear
again after a minute with a scared
face.
“Walk up, mas’r,” she said leading
the way up the stairs and through
halls. 1 was ushered m a large
room filled as a library. A gen
tleman occupied an armchair beside
an oriel window. Ills face was yel
low, his hair was long and white,
and a heavy grizzled beard hung
over his breast, lie was a man of
more than seventy years, with re
markable blue eyes, that Hashed in
a defiant way as I introduced my
self.
“I cannot arise, sir,” he said, in a
lofty tone. “Be seated and toll me
what you have come here for.”
“I would like to remain with you
all night.”
“Yes, but travelers never come
through here. You are the first
traveler—tin* first white person that
has been hear—that l have seen—
in more than twenty years. Why
did you come?”
I gave my reason as well as I
could.
“You must have lost your way,”
the gentleman said. “I never have
visitors. The Bottom road is never
used.”
“Then there is a better road by
which you get out?” I remarked.
“I never got out,” he answered.
“For twenty-six years L have been
a helpless paralytic.”
“But your servants—” I began.
“—Never go from home,” lie fin
ished. Then he went on to say
that he needed no communication
with the world, and followed with
some particulars, of himself and
family.
THE STORY' OE A RECLUSE.
The plantation of the Wiltsie
family had originally comprised a
section of five thousand acres. It
had been in the family since the
State was settled. The father of tin 1
present owner had been a politician
of some eminence, and also a man
of wealth, lie had left this one son,
who had married and inherited the
estate, after a few years of happy
life the wife had died, and two sons
gladdened the father’s heart. They
were educated as the sons of south
ern gentlemen are, and came home
from their graduation twenty-three
years ago. One—John—had gone
to New Orleans to purchase slaves,
and had been murdered there. The
other—James—had in the following
year enlisted in the confederate
army, and been strickened with a
malignant fever when in camp at
Selma, and there had died. The
death of the two sons were
heavy blows to the planter, and in
both cases hud been occasions of
prejudice to him.
“John’s death determined me
that I would never buy or sell an
other slnx’e, and I never have,” he
said. “Before James’ death 1 was
an advocate for the freedom of the
south. But after the death of
James 1 did not care what became
of the south.”
“I do not care to see the world,”
he said. “No one conies; and if by
chance they do, they shall have my
welcome. I am content as I am.
The world gets on, I suppose, but
how or in what way I do not care.
1 take no papers, have no mail,
communicate with no one. We
make our own flour, sugar and
meal; raise our meat grain and
fruit, I take no interest in our gov
ernment, and neither know nor
care who is governor of Alabama
or president of the Confederate
states of America. I do no trading;
my goods and my slaves satisfy
me, in more than twenty years 1
have not bought or sold anything,
from a box of pills to a slave,
nil* VAN YS'INKLE RED1VIY US
“I beg your pardon, Mr. Wiltsie,”
I said, “but do you not know the
history of the last twenty years?”
“I know not and can* less,” was
the answer. “1 hope you do not pro
pose to enlighten me. If you do as
a matter of pity to me 1 will excuse
you. 1 do not care to know. The
histories of times past that 1 read
are just the same as that of recent
times—names, dates and places be
ing changed.”
“But surely you know the result
of the rebellion ?”
lie struck the table with his
clenched fist, exclaiming excitedly:
“I tell you once more that I do not
know what has been done and I do
not care!”
“1 see that you suppose that the
secession was successful?”
“Suppose it!” I have never
thought,” lie replied. “A well-made
scheme is always successful. Though
little I care for citizenship, 1 am
proud to be a citizen of the confed
erate states.”
“Why,” 1 said, “do you not know
that the civil war resulted in the
suppression of the rebellion ? The
secession was a failure.”
The man glared at me, and said
nothing.
“You spoke of slaves,” I continu
ed. “You do not pretend to own
slaves now, do you ?”
lb* glared more fiercely, and did
not answer.
“There an* no slaves in America,”
1 continued. “Every slave in the
south is a free person!”
Still he glared, and hissed:
“Are you from New York?”
“I am from Massachusetts,” l
unsworn!.
Number 22.
G«m)rurla's Inmllil IIoiiiIh.
Allman Constllutiim.
Next Wednesday, before th • su
preme court of the United States
will come up the case of George A.
Cunningham against the Macon
“You are a fool,” lie said. “When j put them to route and one of them
Sam came home at midnight, sny-1 jumped out of the upper story win-
jtimt a crazy man had met him (low with a keg of bullets on his
in'the bottom lands, 1 knew whom shoulders, and striking a large rock
to expect. Sam ran away from below, left his footprints therein to
vou last night because lie saw you j be seen for many years afterwards,
were crazy. But I thought then, There is a tinge of romance about I and Brunswick^raiiroad, \vhicli iii-
aud know now, that you are a this, but the proof is positive that V olves the interest of the State of
northern sorehead. You have come ! during these times it was a hot place Georgia to tin* amount of $(il)(),oo<).
here to amuse me with lies.” | here for lories, and old Wilkes bears . Cunningham is a Virginian who
Keeping my temper as well as 11 to this day the name of the “the | holds $000,000 of the Macon and
could, I looked him squarely in the j hornet’s nest” of the revolution, a j Brunswick bonds indorsed by the
f aC e. j name given to her because of the
“Mr. Wiltsie,” I said, “let me ask unrelenting warfare she waged un-
you a question. Will you answer j on her enemies. The present court
^livj
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For terms apply at this other.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.
' m
it directly?”
“Well?” he said sharply.
“Do you not know that Alabama
is still a member of the Union, as it
was before it seceded? And do
you not know that slavery is abol
ished ?’
After abusing and cursing me he
gave me a most emphatic “no.”
There were four or fi\*e hours
from the time of my arrival until I
was shown to my room, and in that
time I tried as well as I could to
convince my host that I had told
him that which was true. But in
vain were my efl'orts. The old man
was positive that he was right, and
confident that 1 was a liar. We
had supper and at eight o’clock he
called his “slaves” into the house
and read prayers. There were nine
of the negroes—three men and four
women, wlm were gray-headed, and
a girl in her teens and a little boy.
They sat with bowed heads, and
after the reading went out. Then
Mr. Wiltsie signified that 1 had
better retire, and one of the women
took a tallow candle and conducted
mt* to a chamber. When my sable
escort withdrew she bolted the
chamber door. The two windows
had already been nailed up.
At seven o’clock the next morn
ing I was let out of my prison, and
set at the master’s frugal breakfast
immediately after, lie was very
uncommunicative and when the
meal was over, before he had rung
for “Sam” to wheel out his chair, he
said to me:
“Good-by. You may be off as
soon as you may please!”
I said, “Good-by,” and one of the
servants showed me out. My horse
was at the door, and when I rode
off it was in the opposite direction
from which 1 had come the night
previous. After two days of hard
riding I arrived at Delhi plantation
near Greenville not having seen a
person since leaving Mr. Wiltsie’s.
Not at all to my surprise I found
that the hermit-planter's nearest
neighbors (forty miles from him)
did not know of his existence, or
that there was a plantation on the
“Bottoms road.”
house was built in ISIS, and lias
since been added to. Upon the cu-
palo surmounting it, stands a vener
able old clock, presented to the town
by a Mr. Gilbert, an uncle oftholate
Adam L. Alexander. It has for the
past sixty-five years ticked in tin*
birth of our citizens, and told out
their death. It is still in fine order,
and bids fair to ring out the hours
long after the present generation
has passed away.
There are only five men here
now who were men here forty years
ago: General Toombs, General
Heard, Judge Reese, Mr. George
Dyson, and uncle Fetor Donnelly,
State but since declared invalid.
'I'lii* legislature of 187? passed an
act admitting tin* validity of these
bonds, but the legislature of 1875
repealed that act and declared the
state not bound by the endorsement
on them. Cunningham claims that
he bought the bonds after the act of
1872and before the act of 1875. lit*
first tried to procure a resale of the
Macon and Brunswick railroad sub
ject to his claim and his case came
up about three years ago in the Uni
ted States circuit court before Judge
Woods, lie threw the case out of
court on a demurrer, which declar
ed it was virtually a suit against
the State. Cunningham then went
to the supreme court of the United
States and there he presents a bill
that
ago,
A 110 \ A I, TOWN.
One of (ieorirla’s Ancient Cities Sketched.
Atlanta Constitution.
Just one hundred and fifteen years
ago, during the present month,
Jessie Heard and Benjamin Wil
kinson, of Westmoreland county,
Virginia, gathered together their
families and started southward in
covered wagons. History is silent,
nor does tradition tell of the hard
ships and difficulties these pioneers
of our now handsome little city en
countered as they penetrated the
red man’s country—passing over an
almost trackless wilderness, and
crossing bridgeless streams. But it
is fair to presume that they contend
ed with many trials from the time
they turned their backs upon the
blue Fotomac, until they camped
about one hundred yards north of
where our present court house now
stands, on the evening of the .‘list ot
December, 17(111. On the following
day, January 1st, 1770, they com
menced to build a stockade as a pro
tection against the Indians. It was
made by split timbers being set up
in a trench; after finishing it they
called it Fort Heard. They also
constructed a covered way down to
the spring, to enable them to obtain
water in case of a siege. The name
was afterwards changed from Fort
Heard to Fort Washington, and in
1775 it was laid off and called Wash
ington. Thus it will be seen that it
enjoys the honor of being the first
place named for the “farthr of his
country,”
. The first court house of the coun
ty stood fifty yards north of the pres
ent building; although tho first
court was not held in it, but was
held out on Fishing creek, near tin*
Lincoln lint*. Stephen Heard was
foreman of the first grand jury, and
was instrumental in hanging about
a half u dozen torles for awhile, and
when the British took possession of
Augusta he moved the seat of gov
ernment to Wrlghtsboro in McDuf
fie county, and as tin* enemy began
to threaten him there, he moved
t lie government to a double log cab
in on Fishingcreek, near Anderson’s
mill in this county. Tradition tolls
of an attack that Stephen Heard
once made upon a party of torles in
a mill house; after a short fight he
keeping house here now
kept house here forty years
and that is General Toombs.
On tho north side of the public
square there stands a two story
brick building, now owned by Gen.
Heard, a descendent of Jesse
Heard, the pioneer, who, one hun
dred and fifteen years ago, built bis
stockade just about where this
building now stands. This house
was built by the Georgia State
Bank about 1820, at a cost of $18,000,
and was used as a branch bank of
the State Bank for forty years.
In the northwest room of the up
stairs of this building is tin* place
where the dying Confederacy
breathed its last; it was in this
room Fresident Dims held his last
cabinet meeting, and issued his last
order disbanding the army.
At this time there were large
quantities of government supplies
stored here—xvagons, cannons, har
ness, powder, bacon, clothing, etc.,
etc., and when his last order was
promulgated in stepped the citi-
izens and soldiers and helped
themselves. Men could be seen
with boxes of saddle, harness, etc.,
hiding them in old barns, and even
out in pine thickets, and there is no
telling the amount of things that
were buried around town, wagon
loads of gold were hawked about
the streets by small bands of sol
diers—but T forbear on the gold
part, as this has been so often told.
On the southwestern side of the
public square there stands a three
story brick building, built by a Col
onel Bearing. This house was for a
long time the largest building in the
State, and people would come from
miles and miles to see “Bearing’s
folly” as it was then called. In the
western part of town is tin* beauti-
“Andrews Grove,” formerly owned
by the late Judge Garnett Andrews.
Under the shade of these mighty
oaks, the Georgia giants, Hill,
Toombs, and Stephens have met
and crossed swords in political com
bat; here too, scores of Georgians
of less note have met and tusselled
with the knotty problems which
politics presents.
Wilkes has furnished her quota
of illustrious men, among whom
may be mentioned It. Toombs, A.
U. Stephens, Jesse Mercer, General
Elijah Clark, General David Meri
wether, Mathew Talbot, lion, l’eter
Early, Governor Towns, and Col
onel John Dooly.
Religious events have happened
in and about this old town that are
worthy of note. There stands on
the lot owned by Captain C. A. Al
exander a venerable and majestic
poplar, twenty-one feet in circum
ference and about one hundred feet
high. Under this old monarch of
the forest the first ordination of a
Fresbyterian minister in Georgia
took place; a Mr. Singer, I believe,
was the name of the minister. Here
the Rev. Jesse Mercer, the father of
Georgia baptists, lived, and hear
first appeared the Christian Index
(now in Atlanta), published by this
grand old Baptist. A few miles
south of Washington lived Thomas
Grant, at w hose house tho second
Methodist conference in Georgia
was held. Near here, Thomas Grant
built tin* first Methodist church in
the State; this was about 1181), and,
“Old Wilkes” may justly claim to
be the cradle of Georgia Methodism.
Within her confines Beverly Allen,
tin* first Methodist preacher in the
state, worked, followed by Hum
phries, Major Anbury and the inim
itable Hope Hull, known as the
“broad ax” preacher, because of his
powerful and awakening preaching.
Hundreds of incidents and memo
ries cluster about this grand old
town, but to present them in a
readable shape will require a better
writer than
the tailor, and there is but one man | covering these points. He asks that
the road be resold subject his claim.
He also asks that Alfred II. Colquitt
then governor, and J. W. Renfroe,
then treasurer of Georgia, be held
liable for $14,01)1) of fare bills which
they turned in with the other assets
ot the road when it was sold. These
fare bills were used as the equiva
lent of money. The amount speci
fied was in the hands of Colonel
L. N. Whittle, of Macon, who was
the attorney of the road when it
was sold, and he delivered the bills
to Governor Colquitt. The third
point in Cunningham’s bill asks
that the State be enjoined from pay
ing interest on the $ 1,090,000 of Ma
con and Brunswick bonds which are
admitted to be good. Attorney
General Anderson was in Washing
ton last winter to represent the State
and it was called at that term of the
court. After the case was begun
Chief Justice Waite announced that
he would postpone it as it was a
matter of such importance that a
full bench should hear it.
It will be called and doubtless be
fully argued next Wednesday. At
torney General Anderson will leave
for Washington in a day or two to
represent the State’s interest. He
will have associated with him Mr.
Choate, of New York, the partner
of Mr. Evarts. (Sir. Cunningham has
as ids leading council Judge Mc-
Graw of South Carolina. It will be
seen that the bonds in this case are
not similar to any of the other Geor
gia bonds disowned by the State.
Though the case is a very impor
tant one, its result will in no way
affect what is known as the repudi
ated bond question.
Mormoiilsm Not Doail.
Salt Lake, Utah, Oct. 7.—The
attendance at the Mormon Confer
ence yesterday was much larger
than on Friday, fully (i,<)00 persons
being in the tabernacle. The au
dience was addressed by Apostles
Richards, Carrington, Lyman and
Cannon, all of whom impressed on
their hearers the necessity of living
up to their religion,going into poly
gamy and paying tithing. Apostle
Cannon presented the statistics of
tin* Church, which showed a mem
bership in Utah of 127,201; number
of families. 20,000; births in the past
six months, 1,200 males and 1,100
females; number of childer under
8 years, .‘17,000; number of marri
ages in the past six months, !)!)!);
new members, 2:1,040, and deaths
781. The church organization em
braces 12 Apostles, 58 Fatriarchs,
:!,885 Seventies, .‘1,153 High Friests,
11,000 Elders, 1,500 Bishops, and
1,400 Deacons. Arizona reports a
membership of 2,201. Idaho’s is not
reported but has doubled that of
Arizona. Eighty-one missionaries
have been appointed to go on mis
sions to Europe and the United
States. Eighteen of this number
were set apart for missions in tin*
Southern States, where* the church
is meeting with considerable suc
cess in the increase of its member
ship. Southern converts are being
colonized mainly in Colorado.
Why American lawyers are need
ed to defend O’Donnell, the slayer
of the informer, Carev, is satisfac
torily explained. His pit'll will be
self-defense, and as English law-
years know nothing about that sort
of plea—it being an American pro
duct—the assistance of American
lawyers becomes necessary. The
fact that O’Donnel followed Carey
several thousand miles will not,
perhaps, la* permitted to weaken
the plea.
Young ladies should not forget
that Goliah died from tho effects of
a bang on the forehead.
1 J.OVK THEM.
I love tlict'l nil, 1 love thee,
Dearer art thou than lire,
J love thee! oh, I love thee,
Hay, will thou be my life.
Don’t turn those eyes away dear; ,
I’ll love thee ever true,
Hay yes—don’t look so shy, dear.
Hay yes—I pray thee do.
And then life’s journey through, dear,
Together we will roam,
And I’ll he ever true, dear,
If thou wilt be mine own. *
Funeral music should always ho
rehearsed.
About the only single troubles wo
know of are fussy old maids.
The whole is superior to the half.
That is why a hole in a half-dollar
piece downs it.
“I hate to have a tax bill poked
in my face,” said a young Italy
when the tax assessor attempted
to snatch a kiss.
King Alphonse, of Spain, does not
know which to take as the expres
sion of French sentiment, the Gre-
vy of the government or the sauce
of the mob.
When a man kums to me for ad
vice, 1 find out what kind of advice
he wants, and I guv that tu him.—
This satisfies him that we two are
the smartest men living.
“It is related as a singular fact
that fat men never commit crime.
It doesn’t seem so singular when
you reflect that it is difficult for a fat
man to stoop to anything low.
A Dubuque widower proposed to
his mother-in-law, and was accept
ed on the ground that the lady
knew him so well that she under
stood exactly how to manage him.
“Where is the girl of long ago,”
sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her
the other day, Joaquin. But she
isn’t a girl any more. She laid
gray hair and had a wart on her
nose, and Yvore specks.
A minister yvIio had passed
around the hat unsuccessfully at a
country church said: “My good
people, hog cholera has broke out
in the neighborhood, and I advise
you all to leave the country.
We read in an exchange of a
young lady having been made crazy
by a sudden kiss. This should teach
young ladies to be constantly ex
pecting something of that kind, and
to be prepared for it when it comes.
“Pat, you shot both barrels into
a regular jam of ducks, but I don’t
believe you killed many,” said tho
hunter’s companion. “Oi didn’t,
did Oi?” exclaimed Fat. “Jus’ look
in the wather there, will ye? It’s
fairly alive Yvitldead wans!”
A physician said jocusely to a
policeman one evening: “1 always
feel safe Yvlien I see a policeman in
the evening, for there is no danger
about.” “Yes, safer than I feel
Yvlien I IniY'e a doctor about,” yvus
the bright retort.—Exchange.
A St. Louis girl stole nineteen
trade dollars, and concealed them
in her mouth, and even then had
j aw room enough left to sass tho
officer Yvho came to arrest her so
vigorously that his hair jumped up
and kicked off his regulation cap.
A legal gentleman met a brother
lawyer last Yveek Yvlien the follow
ing conversation took place: “Well,
Judge, how is business?” “Dull,
dull; I am living on faith and
hope.” “Very good; but I have got
past you—for I am living on char
ity.”
“Will there be a hop to-night?”
asked a summer sojourner of
another who had loped the stock
market “not Yvisely but too yvcII.”
“Don’t know about the hop, hut
there will be a skip if I can get my
trunk out,” yvus the reply.—Boston
Bulletin.
Tyvo lovers in Milwaukee agreed
to commit suicide at the same hour
the other night. Next morning both
were up an hour earlier than usual
to look over the paper, and their
disappointment and disgust at such
conduct on the part of the other
was too deep for utterance.
“You Iiuy'o the advantage of me,”
said the cashier, blandly. You will
have to get some one to Identify
you.” “Identify me? Why, 1 am
your son, just back from college for
the summer vacation.” “May be,
may be,” answered the cashier, “but
my son did not look like a fool,
Yvear a cockney hat, monkey tail
coat, skin-tight breeches, tooth
pick siiocs, nor did he suck cane
handles. When my wife returns
from Europe next September you
might present your claims to her,
and if she decides you are our off
spring I shall he nappy to hid you
an affectionate good-bye on your
return to college. In the meantime
1 would suggest that you earn your
I living by hiring yourself out for a
Fen to.
tailor-sign. Good-day, sir.”—
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