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THE OEOBGIAN’S HAGA ZWE PAGE
Daysey Mayme
and Her Folks
Rv FRANCES L. GARSIDE.
THE COURT KISS.
r-rxHH ideal husband is one who is a
yearning doormat. Lysander
*- Jonh Appleton was a doormat,
but his soul had long since ceased to
v. irn. For this reason he fell short
lt - the ideal and his wife was dissatis
fied.
She wanted him to tell her he loved
,-r. He paid her bills and thought he
told her.
She wanted no time table to cut short
bis morning good-bye kiss. She longed
to see him come home at night with
j need increased by thoughts of the
greeting kiss that awaited him.
fie thought of the first train he could
catch in the morning and of his dinner
at night. He was not ideal.
Mrs. Eysander John appealed to the
courts. “My husband,” she sobbed to
the judge, "no longer kisses me.”
It was a grave offense. The sentence
must match the crime. The court ruled
that for the next seven years Mrs. Apt
pieton must report daily that her hus
band had kissed her at least twice in
the 24 hours.
"And if you fall,” said the court,
looking grimly over its glasses, "your
sentence will be doubled.”
Eysander John began serving his
time next morning. His wife was sew
ing when he left the house, and he
waited patiently while she took four
pins and a needle from her mouth.
Then he kissed her.
To him the evening kiss tasted of the
beans and onions and carrots she had
been testing while getting dinner, but
he said nothing.
The next morning when he left she
was doing her back hair and her mouth
was full of hairpins. But he Is a law
abiding citizen and carried out the
court’s decree.
The compulsory kissing had lasted a
week when Mrs. Appleton appeared be
fore the judge.
"My husband.” she sobbed, "kissed
me twice a day, but his kisses lack
flavor. He kissed me like a hen peck
ing at a pebble, alnd if he aims at my
fps he is in such a hurry the kiss lands
on my ear.
"I don't want any more of your com
pulsory kissing. I want the court's or
der revoked.”
That night when Eysander John
learned that the court had dissolved
him. he gave his wife a kiss that was
voluntary.
It lacked the dry, parchment taste of
the court kiss, and smacked a little of
the courtship kind.
Mrs. Eysander John -gave a smile.
Her husband was approaching the
ideal!
I
I
Up-to-Date Jokes
i
Jim—Nothing is better In time of
■ anger than presence of mind.
George—Oh, think it over. What
about absence of body?
Nell —Oh. Jack, I wish you could have
''en Milly this afternoon. She liter
ally threw herself at Jack Wright.
Jack—Ah, well, she knew he was a
good catch.
Wise —What do you think? The cat
'as eaten every bit of the meal that 1
have just cooked!
Husband—The poor thing! But never
mind; I will get you another cat!
“That was the spirit of your uncle
that made that table’ stand, turn over
end do such queer things."
'T am not surprise; he never did have
good table manners.”
Tired Mother (to* restless child) —
Now, you sit still. I've brought you ten
miles to enjoy this entertainment, and
■ou shall enjoy it. even if J have to pull
'■very hair out of your head.
"Is Mrs. Deßrick in?” asked the vis
itor. calling at the home of the suffra
gette leader.
Vis?, mum,” said Norah. “She's in
">' six months, mum."
An Irishman once entered into con-
'■■ sation with an Englishman. The.
Englishman. thinking to have u jok- I
■ ith his companion, asked: “How many I
aits on a pig’,- face?”
Begorra, sir." said Pai, "the next i
time you shave you can count them.”
I wonder what that man is doing up
telegraph pole?” said Mrs. Mauby. ,
" hy, he must be after fruit," replied I
husband.
But what kind of fruit can he get
up there?”
Electric currents, of course!”
Giles —Let me tell you. young man,
mt I m SO years old today, and I don’t
I ' ” r remember having told a He.
I he Young Man —Well, you can’t ex- i
' ’ your memory to be very good at
our age!
Browne—l suppose you have been in
II uiy a squall, captain?
1 aptain—Rather; 1 am the father of
i' n children.
Hite—But why must we walk? Bo
our marriage you always took a
taxi.
Husband—l know. That's why we
■ve to walk now.
So you've broken off your engage
ent with Miss Sniarte?” asked the in
quisitive friend.
His victim shook his head.
No," he replied; “1 didn’t break it
she broke it off'.'"
•No. answered the young man. en*
mg the friend’s growing wondc
But it is broken off. isn't it?” p.-r-
Si ted the curious one.
1 >h. yes," explained the young man,
i-tly “She told me what her dress
utaker’s yearly bill was and I told her
't my Income was. Then our en
keinent Just sagged in the middle and
i-ently dissolved.”
J The Hands That Rile the By Nell Brinkley 2#
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JMk .gy < 4 A ,- KI
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' Copyright. 1912, by the Star Company.
Cynical Old Bachelors, Who Have Been Teased by Love and a Lady, Turn the Old Saying About When They Use li and Make It Read:
' '■ ‘‘The Hands That Rile the World.”
BR.OADAX AY JONES .4 Bertrand Babcock
Based on George M. Cohan’s Play Now
Running in New York.
TODAY’S INSTALLMENT.
Broadway sprang to hts feet. He felt
that in the presence of those kindlj- blue
gray eyes he would do and dare great
things. Their inspiration would lead him
through Are. If there was a riot out
there he would quell it, and let the eyes
I and the smile reward him.
I "What is it, judge?” he asked, prepar
ing to roll up his sleeves.
"Did you send a message out there by
Higgins?" arfked Spotswood.
"I did," said Jones, ready for anything.
But the judge explained:
"M ell. that’s what they’re cheering
about The men are yelling and the boys
are dancing. You’d think Bedlam had
broken loose. They're hollering for you.
Come on out and let ’em see you.”
Broadway’s valor shriveled up just as
the beauty of Mrs. Gerard’s had. His
heroic poise and pose were gone in
stantly.
"No. no!" he exclaimed, “I couldn't—l
just couldn't."
The cheering was redoubled.
"Listen!'' exclaimed the judge.
"Go out, Broadway, and say a few
words," said Mrs. Spotswood.
“Yes. go and make a speech," supple
mented the judge.
"I can’t say anything. I never made a
speech in my life,” groaned poor Broad
way.
Josie went .to Jackson with the speech
he had written for her ear alone.
“Read this to them,” she said with ex
quisite drollery.
Broadway clutched at the paper, and
pushed by Spotswood and his wife ap
proached the door leading out into the
factory. At the door, still resisting, he
turned his troubled eyes to Josie.
The effect was instantaneous. In an
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V VIW ff nnrl nil L encl “? ,he »‘>P» «“• from
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Miasor) Mrs
Z State
instant Broadway's figure stiffened itself, i
as his arms lost their dejected slackness 1
and came vigorously out from his body. <
He did not entirely abandon the speech 1
Josie had handed to him, but thrust it i
into an Inner pocket, and strode with a
determined air over tha threshold.
"TROT ON YOUR VICTIM.”
As' Mrs. Spotswood and the judge had |
followed Broadway from the offices to
hear with Josie his maiden speech, Clara
Spotswood was left there alone. She was
about to follow the others when her >
brother, the fat and sulky Sammy, i
showed in Wallace.
At his manifest astonishment at seeing
her. Clara giggled out:
"You didn’t expect to see me here, did
you?"
“It’s an unexpected but a very great
pleasure,” returned Wallace warmly.
Clara went on in a matter-af-fact voice:
"Mr. Jones will be back in a few mo- .
ments He went out into the works to t
make a speech.”
’Wallace made the motions of a young |
woman about to faint.
•’What?" he ejaculated, in real aston- I
ish ment.
"Yes; that's the crowd cheering him :
now.”
But Wallace's mind was now far away.
He was beginning to think that life in
the slackwater of Jonesville, with its lit
tle village pleasures and occasional ex
citements, was not without a certain
charm. Sammy took advantage of the
absorption of the young people in them
selves to slip away. He wanted to hear
Broadway's speech.
Wallace sighed as he said:
“Funny! I thought of you when I
passed the drug store just now.”
“Isn't it marvelous!" exclaimed the
girl: “I’ve been thinking of you, too.”
“You have?” with delight and wonder.
"Yes; the chocolates were fine. I ate
all of the box you gave me last night be-
fore I went to bed. But you shouldn't
be spending your money the way you do.
Oh, Mr. Jones told me you were a regu
lar spendthrift. He said you spent more
than $25 one night."
"Oh, did he tell you about that night?”
Wallace’s tone implied to a Broadway
observer that there never hail been a
night when he was spending money that
he had beep so immoderate.
Clara shook her finger at him
y
p®oiit use Butter in "lour Kjtclien' 1 j
/k&X T)? \? U J cnow wb y butter is so high? Housewives from years of
hablt have come t 0 use more and more of it for particular cook-
F mg—where they want something better than lard. It’s a wasteful O’ <z/l
•* m babl t —highly expensive—and wholly unnecessary. |U|'
ts i • V se butter on your table, where it belongs; discard it from your
reffiM JJ kltc hen. The use of Cottolene in cooking, will give just as good
| results as butter. Besides, two-thirds of a pound of Cottolene will go /ff ?
jf as far as a pound of butter, and Cottolene costs no more than lard. IA z JI
| Use more Cottolene and cut down your butter bill.
j CrOttol
| Makes Delicious Pastry
Cottolene makes light, flaky, crisp pie-crust. It makes deliciously | cfc4
rM-M ten<^er doughnuts. For cake making Cottolene creams up 1
beautifully and gives the best obtainable results. Muffins, fritters, V. Wm
ftAWI 5!? ort and all other pastry; are best made when made with I
; ‘4A Cottolene. It makes food rich but never greasy.
( M Cottolene is a vegetable product, and makes food that is healthful 1
X <*'. \ and digestible. IfcW
« Try Thit Recipe: *< « , .
/f V ONE EGG CAKE - Made onl Y b V
W V 3 cup of Cottolene 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla THE N. K. FAIRBANK
ffl Xjk 1 cup sugar 1 cup milk ’/ 2 teaspoon soda COMPANY ■
1 teaspoon cream of tartar 2 cups flour VUMCANI
■<? » Kll j’ *he Cottolene and sugar to a light cream, add well beaten yolk of egg
isl « a ’ ld vanilla, mix together the soda, cream of tartar and flour, stir it into -----r- 0.--
ua the creamed mixture, alternating with the milk. Add well beaten white * ~
W of egg last. Bake in shallow pan in moderate oven about one-half hour "jL W
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“And you mustn't waste you money that
way," she said.
A laugh was ringing from his mouth as
Sammy ran in. The two young people
thought for a moment that the laugh was
for them, Igit Sammy soon reassured
them.
“Gosh, what a bum speech Broadway
made," he said. "I wish I could get a
chance to make a speech. I bet I'd make
some of 'em take a back seat. If ever
I amount to anything, the first thing I
am going to do is to make a speech about
myself."
Wallace laughed out:
"You’ve got the right idea. Sammv.”
“You het I've got the right idea.” re
turned the fat boy. “I’ve got some darn
good ideas if ever I get a chance to de
velop them."
"Stop talking about yourself, Sammy,"
said the sisterly Clara.
Continued in Next Issue.
Advice to the
Lovelorn
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
TOO YOUNG TO KNOW.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am fifteen and as I was visiting
a different state I met a boy about
seventeen. I only met him once,
and I received a postal from him
later saying that he would like to
correspond with rfte. So I am still
corresponding with him. He said
he thought it was love at first sight.
It is getting serious. Judging from
his letters, I think he is very nice.
It would break my heart if I had
to stop corresponding with him.
ANXIOUS.
A letter is a poor test of a man. Anv
man can write an agreeable letter if he
tries. Your little heart will break easi
ly and often if you permit the end of a
correspondence with a man you don’t
know to fracture it.
Don’t take this so seriously, my dear.
Save you:- emotions for later and more
vital experiences.
; BE PATIENT A LITTLE LONGER.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am a girl of seventeen and
am considered by some persons
pretty. About seven months ago I
met a gentleman several years older
than myself and for him 1 imme
diately formed a great liking. I
will not say love, because I know 1
am too young. He is very kind to
me. but somehow I fee) that he re
gards me as a child and therefore
has no interest In me. I want him
to respect and love me. KATIE.
Some day he will realize that you are
grown up, and I am sure that with this
realization there will come an awaken
ing of his love for you.
He is a much liner man for regard
ing you as a child than if he made
violent love to one of your age. He
respects yon now. If the love doesn’t
come for several years, all the better
for you.
I I
II ~CVBtSB
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■ Up** ■
■ A CUBE TO A .CUPFUL- I
I "; '■ A'C UOFU LIN I N UT £ '