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HBAKST S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA, SUNDAY APRIL 27. 1 DID
3 CL
Some Diversions of the WEAKER Sex
By T. E. POWERS,
The Famous Cartoonist
1018. by tlie Star Couipnnj. Great Britain Right* Reserved.
Even the
Rain-
THE MOWING SMILE
/f=
J
Wex Jones, Editor
Falls
A Hint to Tanjjourmands Cherry Valley Notes
VoL II.
Atlanta, Sunday, April 27, 1913
Down!
%==J>
No. 20
“LEFT
YOUR
HELM
"Steer a Little Right of
North”—New Expressions
in the Navy.
S INCE the Secretary of the Navy
has abolished the terms port
and starboard for left and
rirht, there will be no more terrors
.n nautical lingo for the landlubber.
He can wander up and down
stairs, from basement to roof of
l he ship and nobody will bother
him.
The ship will head front instead
of north and right instead of cast,
but we don’t know what term will
replace nor’-nor’-east.
’Abaft the binnacle,” will be be
hind the road indicator.
’Twill be a gay life, shiver my
timbers if it won’t.
You Can’t Teach an Old (Sea) Dog New Tricks.
Did You Know That—
Onions never quarrel between
themselves?
Oysters don’t talk because they j
nave nothing to say?
Orators do talk for iust the same ;
Suburban Note
iron and steel plants may be set
out at any time when there's not
too much water around.
String beans are absolutely use- ;
less as string and not much better
as beans.
A ipan named Rayn Check is
Inventing a baseball which has a
small umbrella attached?
•.} this means Mr Rayn Check
? I have dry baseball all Summer, .
as there are no spitball artists on
the Hav & Feed League?
New York s uew courthouse will
be circular m -shape but will be
situated on ‘he square” j
Has-beens are often pretty
on the stringing end of it.
good
To prepare grass for a field
sharpen each blade and stick it j
Into the soil. If it comes out clean !
the field is sufficiently cooked.
An excellent and inexpensive
■ lidding can he made from a couple
of loaves of stale bread. All that
need be added: One quart cream,
two dozen eggs, dozen hot house
peaches,, pound of sugar, pound of
raisins Cheap and delicious.
Many persons qverlook the fact
that a handful of common tacks
scattered in a bowl of mush will
keep guests interested all the time
they are eating it.
Hens that will not lay may be
put in cages and taught to sing like
canaries, although a song is less
appreciated than an egg at break-
last time.
■Just a Song at Twilight ' is (). K
in its way, so lqng as it isn’t a mos
quito that's s.Using it.
IN THE SMILE'S
LETTER BOX
ON RAINCOATS.
TO THE EDITOR—Do you know
of any reason for calling a rain
coat a raincoat?
VINCENT SEA BREEZE.
■ None, unless it
be that the rain
goes through it so
easily.—Ed.i
STRANGE BEHAVIOR OF
SPARROWS.
TO THE EDITOR—I saw two
sparrows building a nest yesterday.
When the cock bird would put a
white feather in the nest the hen
would throw it out and substitute
a brown one. What do you suppose
was the reason for this?
T. LEAF.
IWhen you begin
furnishing a flat
you’ll soon learn
that the lady has
all the taste in fur
nishing the house.
Anyway, what she
says goes.—Ed.l
WE REFUSE TO COUNSEL YOU
IN THE MATTER
To the Editor: The other morn
ing, In the rear room of a saloon,
where several male human beings
were sitting and leaning, I began
reciting a poem of J. Milton's. One
Of the leaners interrupted me In a
rude manner, saying: "Aw, cut it
out. That guy Milton was a Mexi
can.’’ Thereupon I si ruck him,
and fouud myself on the sidewalk
before I had an opportunity to
finish the poem. Ought I to re
turn and finish it? Or is it true
that "He who recites and gets
thrown out ought not to raise an
mher shout?”
Please rush the answer.
I.YCIDAS.
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT.
Nevor -Irop dead during a than
del dtui ui.
Copyright, 1912, by the 6tnr rYymp&uy. Umt Britain Right* Reuvned.
I N England, so 1 understand, they all are bugs on tea; they drink,
instead of alcohol, strong oolong for a spree. They stop their
game of cricket upon the stroke of four, and all the players
haste to swill a dozen cups or more. The horses stop their
racing, and the bookmaker forgets, while sipping tannic acid,
there’s such a thing as bets. The English ladies drop their
bombs, nor howl of women’s votes, and struggle more to get
their tea than get the bob ies’ goats.
In England, now you understand, they all are bugs on tea, but
never until recently did tea appeal to me.
A friend of mine in Bulgar skirt—they’re slit most to the knee—
said, “Won’t you come along to-day, and take me out to tea?”
I don't like tea a little bit, but—you hit it in one guess—it
didn’t take me long to say, “You bet your life—why, yes.”
Oh, what a sight then met my eyes! The smoke rose up in swirls,
through which there gleamed the flashing eyes of scores of
pretty girls. I never dreamed that tea could cheer to such a
wild extent, and give to all who sipped it such choreagraphic
bent.
All hands were madly whirling in one great whirling maze, till,
overcome with trotting, they subsided in a daze. They tangoed
and they trotted in very close embrace, and flashed a great
variety of lingerie and lace.
M
By Old Joe Bigger
I’opyTMjht, 1012, by the Star Company Great Britain Right* Reserved.
When a tailor hez got a pare of
them there tite pants on a feller
what hez curly legs I hope he he*
reached the bite of his fool am-
biihun.
ARY FENTON hez cum home
with one of them there ttte
dressuH. Evry time she gits
intew the buggy she makes the
hired man go intew the barn. Yis-
terday a bee flew intew a knot hole
gtingln' him in the eye aumthin’
swful.
Our Pustmaster bed his winder
washed up so clean yisterday that
Jim Fisk walked rite threw It.
Our furniture dealer lost the
trade of one young cotiple when
they went intew his store to buy
a bed. and he ast them if they
wanted the twin kind.
Jest ns our barber wuz hurryln'
over the front of Frank Deiter’s
neck Saturday nite his razor
slipped and he took out a big
chunk. Frank told him he cum
in fer a shave pot tew hev bis
Adam's appel peeled
Si .tedders is now under the doc
tor's care. Not that he hez any
thin’ much ailin’ him, but he’s an
old man and he says that from the
way the womln Uev been wearin'
less and less clothes, be don't
want to die before they go the
limit.
Since Susie Dutton hez taken to
wearin’ them new tits skirts we
know now why she failed to make
good in musical comedy. But we
will say Susie hez a nice voice.
William Bean wuz a vtsltor In
the village yisterday. Mr. Bean
come over in his autermoblle and
made some purchases at the store.
Glad to get your trade, Mr. Bean,
come again.
P, S.—Before Mr. William Bean
It's gosh dern hard, say we, tew
make a feller's wife b’lieve he’s
qll rite when, after he gits honja
erbout tew hours after 12, she
ketches him with his arm round
her dress form fellin' It why he
wuz so late.
At the merrldge of Silas Masters
and Selina Perkins the bull thing
cum near bein' called off when
ihe organist, drenmin’ like, began
tew play, "What Will the Harvest
Be," . .
Sid Bloom's hens hev nigh laid
themselves to deth sinse be
lerned his parrot to cackle
Our new eleonehun Leecher be*
got a watch on her shoe. It's a
up-tew-the-minlt contrapshun, not
a second behind. A lot of our
voung fellers air giftin’ stooped
shouldered.
Herb Merril hez fixed a rtggiu’
with his motersickle so’a it. will
help his wife in doin’ the washln's
she taJtln’ in. Herb’s a thotful
cuss.
If tea is thus terpsichoreed, why not all other meals? Why not
have breakfast in a whirl of twinkling toes and heels? A bit
of toast—a hard-boiled egg—some coffee piping hot—then a fe u a i r to three thousand dollars
dash around the table in a dizzy turkey trot. A rest till lunch- and bought him an autermobiie, we
eon time comes round, and we tango as we eat, for dancing ail called him 'Beany."
seems more popular than milk and frazzled wheat.
A tango and a sip of tea will cheer us till we dine, and then the 1 lle Wldd, ’ r Bmg 66,1 siven “P
merry turkey trot will liven us like wine. Again we rest until * he , t>B „ lmproV9 .
the hour proclaims it time to sup, whereupon we trot and men , on arRO „ nt of kaepIn . - em
tango till the Goppers close us up, a p pr , t„|t otherwise she hasn’t
To-day there’s no one wants to drink, there s no one wants to eat’, noticed much difference from her
buy everybody wants a chance to sling their pump shod ioet. former occupation.
Henry Hankerson, our well-
known feller citizen and capital
ist, who, while on a visit to Chi
cago In 1899, wuz sold the Masonic
Temple of that place for $860 by
a slick stranger, hez joined the si
lent majority.
1 wuz gosh derned cold when I
got hum frum the donashuu party
last ntte, and shook the bed so
that my wife Mirandy slid out of
it erbout ev ry ten minits.
Martha Scrooglns is married at
last to Lem Peters. Aside from
being blind and lazy Lem ie quite
normal Sum womin v-ould fare
mighty bad if It warn t for mail's
imagiuashuu. ■ ■ ~