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HEARST S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA. LA HtTNDAY. APRIL 27. l«j|:i.
3 CL
Some Diversions of the WEAKER Sex
By T. E. POWERS,
The Famous Cartoonist
f*»orTUrht. ISMS, by t-be §t«r Company Great Britain High to Rcwrvm.
THE MORNING SMILE
Wex Jones, Editor
\r.
Falls
Down!
A Hint to Tanjjourmands Cherry Valley Notes
By Old Joe Bigger
I
Vol n.
“LEFT
YOUR
Atlanta, Sunday, April 27, 1913
No. 20
HELM
"Steer a Little Right of
North”—New Expressions
in the Navy.
S INCE tfce Secretary of the Navy
hag abolished the terms port
and starboard for left and
right, there will be no more terrors
.n nautical lingo tor the landlubber.
He can wander up and down
stairs, from basement to roof of
the ship and nobody will bother
him.
The ship will head front Instead
of north and right Instead of east,
but we don’t know what term will
replace nori-nori-east.
"Abaft the binnacle, ’ will be be
hind the. road Indicator.
’Twill be a gay life, shiver my
timbers if It won’t
You Can’t Teach an Old (Sea) Dog New Tricks.
—
Did You Know That—
Onions nevnr quarrel between
themselves?
Oysters don’t talk because they \
have nothing to say?
Orators do talk for just the same ;
reason?
A man named Rayn Cheek is
Inventing a baseball which has a
small umbrella attached?
ij this means Mr Rayn Check
?., ' bare dry baseball all Summer, j
as ..here are no spltball artists on
the Hay & Feed League?
New York's aew courthouse s ill
b« circular in shape hut will be
situated on the square; ;
Suburban Notes
Iron and steel plants may be set
out at any time when there’s not
too much water around.
String beans are absolutely use
less as string and not much better
as neans.
Has-beens are often'pretty good
on the stringing end of it
To prepare grass for a field
sharpen each blade and stick It j
Into the soil. If It comes out clean
the field Is sufficiently cooked.
An excellent and inexpensive
pudding can be made from a couple
of loaves of stale bread. All that
need be added: One quart cream,
two dozen eggs, dozen hot house
peaches,, pound of sugar, pound of
raisins Cheap and delicious.
Many persons overlook the fact
that a handful of common tacks
scattered in a bowl of mush will
keep guests Interested all the time
they are eating It
Hens lhat will not lay may be
put in cages and taught to alng like
canaries, although a song is less
appreciated than an egg at break
fast time.
".lust a Song at Twilight" is O. K.
in its way, so long ns it isn’t a mos
quito that’s a.ugm* it
IN THE SMILE’S
LETTER BOX
ON HAINCOATS.
TO THE EDITOR—Do you know
of any reason for calling a rain i
coat a raincoat?
VINCENT SEA BREEZE. I
INone, unless it j
be that the rain
goes through It so j
easily.— Ed.I
STRANGE BEHAVIOR OF
SPARROWS.
TO THE EDITOR—I saw two j
sparrows building a nest yesterday
When the cock bird would put a
white feather in the nest the hen
would throw It out and substitute
a brown one. What do you suppose
was the re* son for thlB?
T. DEAF.
[When you begin
furnishing a flat
you’ll soon learn
that the lady has
all the taste in fur
nishing the house.
Anyway, what she
•aye goes.—Ed.I
WE REFUSE TO COUN8EL YOU
IN THE MATTER
To the Editor: The other morn
ing, In the rear room of a saloon,
where several male human beings
were sttting and leaning, I began
reciting a poem of J. Milton’s. One
of the leaners interrupted me In a
rude manner, saying: “Aw, cut it
out. That guy Milton was a Mexi
can.” Thereupon I struck him,
and found myself on the sidewalk
before I had an opportunity to
finish the poem. Ought I to re
turn and finish It? Or is it true
that "He who recites and gets
thrown out ought not to raise an
other shout?”.
Please rush the answer.
LYCIDAS.
Copyright. 191ft, by the Btar Oooapiny. Greet Britain Righto Rceerred..
N England, so I understand, they all are bugs on tea; they drink,
instead of alcohol, strong oolong for a spree. They stop their
game of cricket upon the stroke of four, and all the players
haste to swill a dozen cups or more. The horses stop their
racing, and the bookmaker forgets, while sipping tannic acid,
there’s such a thing as bets.
Copyright, 191ft, by the Star Oompaoy Great Britain Righto Reaer»e-d.
M
ARY FENTON her cum horn*
with one of them there tlte
dressus. Evry time She gits
The English ladies drop their 1 lntew ,he bu «®> 8he makea „ tbe
, , , hired man go lntew the barn. Yis-
bombs, nor howl of women s votes, and struggle more to get terday a bee flew tatew a knot hole
their tea than get the bobbies’ goats. gtingin’ him in the oye sumthin’
In England, now you understand, they all are bugs on tea, but awful,
never until recently did tea appeal to me.
A friend of mine in Bulgar skirt—they’re slit most to the knee—
said, “Won’t you come along to-day, and take me out to tea?’’
I don’t like tea a little bit, but—you hit it in one guess—it
didn’t take me long to say, “You bet your life—why, yes.’’
Oh, what a sight then met my eyes I The smoke rose up in swirls,
through which there gleamed the flashing eyes of scores of
pretty girls. I never dreamed that tea oould cheer to such a
wild extent, and give to all who sipped it snch ohoreagraphic
bent.
All hands were madly whirling in one great whirling maze, till,
overcome with trotting, they subsided in a daze. They tangoed
and they trotted in very close embrace, and flashed a great
variety of lingerie and lace.
Our Pustniaster hod his winder
washed up so clean yist.erday that
Jim Fisk walked rite threw It
Our furniture dealer lost the
trade of one young couple when
they went lntew his store to buy
a bed, and he ast them If they
wanted the twin kind.
OFM'tC.IMtv WITH ’
EftCH COOfkSJEl
Jest es our barber wuz hunylri
over the front of Frank Dettoris
nock Saturday, nite his razor
slipped and be look out a big
chunk. Frank told him he cum
in ter a shave not tew hev bis
Adam’s appel peeled
When a tailor hez got a pare of
them there tite pants on a feller
what hez curly legs I hope he he*
reached the bite of his fool am-
btshun.
It's gosh dern hard, say we, tew
make a feller’s wife b’lleve he’s
all rite when, after he gits borne
erbout tew hours after 12, she
ketches him with bia arm round
her dress form tellln’ It why he
wttz so late.
At the merrtdge of Silas Masters
and Selina Perkins the hull thing
cum near bein’ called oft when
the organist, dreamin’ like, began
tew play, “What Will the Harvest
Be."
Sid Bloom's hens bev nigh laid
themselves to deth rinse ha
l*rned his parrot to cackle.
91 Jedders is now under the doc
tor’s care. Not that he hez any
thin’ much ailin’ him, but he’s an
old man and he sayB that from the
way the womin hev been wearin’
lees and less clothes, he don’t
want to die before they go the
limit.
Our new eleeuehun teacher he*
got a watch on her shoe. It’s a
up-tew-the-minlt contrapshun, not
a second behind. A lot of our
young fellers air giftin’ stooped
shouldered.
Since Susie Dtitton bez taken to
wearin’ them new tlte skirts we
know now why she filled to make
good In musical comedy. But we
will say Susie hez a nice voice.
Herb Merril hez fixed a rlggtn’
with his moterstckle so’s it will
help his wife In doin’ the washin’s
she fakin’ in. Herb’s a thotful
cuss
OIJR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT.
N>vo.r drop dead during a thun
del stui ui.
If tea is thus terpsichoreed, why not all other meals? Why not
have breakfast in a whirl of twinkling toes and heels? A bit
of toast—a hard-boiled egg—some coffee piping hot—then a
dash around the table in a dizzy turkey trot. A rest till lunch
eon time comes round, and we tango as we eat, for dancing
seems more popular than milk and frazzled wheat.
A tango and a sip of tea will cheer us till we dine, and then the
merry turkey trot will liven us like wine. Again we rest until
the hour proclaims it time to sup, whereupon we trot and
tango till the coppers close us up.
To-day there’s no one wants to drink, there s no one wants to eat,
but everybodj wants a chance to sling their pump shod feet.
William Bean wu* a visitor In
the village yisterday. Mr. Bean
come over in hts autermoblle and
made some purchases at the store.
Glad to get your trade, Mr. Bean,
come again.
P. S.—Before Mr. William Bean
fell air to three thousand dollars
and bought him an autermoblle, we
all called him “Beany.”
The Widder Bing bez given up
keepin’ boarders and la raisin’
hogs. She says It’s an Improve
meat on account of keepin’ ’em In
a pen. but otherwise she hasn't
noticed much difference from her
former uccupaliou.
Henry Hankerstm, our well-
known feller citizen and capital
ist, Who, while on a visit to Chi
cago fn 1S99, wuz sold the Masonic
Temple of ’hat place for 2350 by
a slick stranger, hez Joined the si
lent majority.
1 wuz gosh demed cold when I
got bum frum the donashun party
last nite, and shook the bed so
that my wife Mirandy slid out of
It erbout ev'ry ten minita.
Martha Scroogins Is married at
last to Lem Peters. Aside from
being blind and lazy I.em is quite
norma! Sum womin would fare
mighty bad if it warn’t for man’s
imaginashun.