Newspaper Page Text
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HKARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA. GA., SUNDAY, MAY 4, 1913.
The Red Corpuscle “A Magazine That Tingles
After Tartar Sauce
A Story of the Red-Blooded Side of the Department
of Agriculture
By Wellington Smack M. L. R.
OoyjTkdit, 1V1H. by the btar (Jbopeny Mml Britain ltiguta ItaMTTed.
The Fight in the Air
Fiction*
Around the Ripsnorters’ Campfire.
deeert, the rath Intruder Into the
faetneeaee of Oehkoeh—all ere
Rlpenortere.
F BW Atnerloane know of the
greet reeearch work done In
wild part* of the world by agente
of the Department of Agriculture.
How few know how Tartar
aauee wee brought to the United
SteteeI
Jamea MacJInk waa one of the
unknown agenta who went to
Wale:, and after almaet Inored-
Ible herdshlpe brought book the
pair of Walah rabblta frjm which
every Weleh rabbit In thla coun
try la descended. MacJInk had to
learn the Walah language and
paaa himself off as Lloyd Llong-
bow of Llangollen, a native of
Wales who had lltved a llong
time In Llaxlngton, before they
would list him have one of the
preoloue rodents.
Another daring worker for the
department was David Doughboy.
It la to Doughboy's daring that
America owes oanary seed.
Doughboy stole a fast torpedo
boat from the Navy Department,
landed In the Canary Islands at
night, loaded up with the seed
from which they grow canaries
and was back In the United
States before any one knew he
had gone.
But the etory of the Tartar
sauce la even more thrilling. Ae
most people know, Tartary Is the
most savage country in the world,
but Willie O’HIcka cared naught
for thet. His mission was to
bring Tarter sauce back to the
United States, and he did it.
Twice he was shot, four times he
was hanged and once he was
drowned, but he never gave up
the quest. So remember the
name of Willie O’HIcke In future
when you dally with steak and
Tartar sauce.
By Whyte 0. Chill, M. L. R.
P AUL OBAN was a daring
aviator, but even hit Iron
nerve failed him when a great
golden eagle sank Ita claws Into
hla neck as he whizzed over the
Rooky Mountains.
How to get rid of the aerial
monster?
The easiest way appeared to
he by falling suddenly the 2,000
feet. If the eagle did not relax
Ita hold and fly away It would be
killed amid the ruins of the ma
chine. Of oouree, Oban would be
killed, too, but he never bothered
much about hie own fate.
He had another plan.
Throwing on full speed, he
drove hie 'plane so rapidly,
through the air that the Intense
heat engendered by the friction
set fire to the bird’s feathers and
the emoke quickly suffocated It.
CTKi* innidont occurred, hoi
the bird urn* a »waltov\ not an
ragle. Hence tee label It “/te
non” Ancuranv above red blooa,
even.—Ed.)
U your blood red? Read the Red Corpuscle, it’s made
for you. Is your blood pale and thin? Read the Red Cor
puscle until your heart sends red blood boiling through your
veins.
T HE spread of the Legion of
Rlpenortere has bean amaz
ing.
Already the famous button of
ttie organization may be seen
stuck with walrus fat to the fur
coat of an Eskimo Rlpsnorter
who Is swimming through the
Ice floes In pursuit of a wounded
bull whale.
The traveller In the dense Jun
gles of Central Africa may see
the emblematic rhinoceros upon
the breast of a ohlef engaged In
landing a five-ton hlppopotamue
with a trout rod.
The passer-by may see It worn
by a colonel at Oyster Bay as he
drives a plough with one hand
and writes an essay on the Dlk-
Dlk with the other.
On the wide reaches of the
Amazon the diver who It about
to oleave the muddy water to
tackle, single-handed, the mighty
boa conatHotor, may have the M.
L. R. button hung around hla
neck with a string of mahogany
fibre.
Indeed there It no spot on the
globe where one may not find a
wearer of the button. The daring
pathfinder In Brooklyn, the wan
dering adventurer in the Arabian
Among tha latest names to be
added to the list are:
King Alfonso of Spain.
Oaorgs Bernard 8haw.
Viva la Rlpsnortl
M.L.R. MEN LOOKING FOR FUN
M l. R. BUTTON, NO. 8781—
• Thirty years old. Bailer In
whalers alnoa 1881. Harpoons
whales alngla-handad. Can shake
dice skilfully. Also good at cook
ing flapjacks. Like to head proa-
peotlng party In Arizona.
M. L. R. BUTTON, NO. 834.—
Professional rhinoceros hunter In
Nigeria until ohaaad out by
Colonial Government for burn
ing a native village to gat light
to read •'Punch'' by. Any Job
combining gold and gore.
M. L. R. BUTTON NO. 27—Ten
years a tango tea dancer and
still alive, showing strong consti
tution. Would like light work as
coal shoveller or Iron worker.
M. L. R. BUTTON, NO. 639—
Crossed the Amazon on foot
twloa and a warn thrice across the
Sahara. What Jobs have you?
tr
New Fables in Slang-
■By George Ade
The Dream That Came Oat with Marh to Boot.
Published by Permission of Cosmopolitan Magazine.
(Copyrighted by the Internal.onal Magazine Co)
O NCE there was a provincial Tradesman who
gave hla Yokemate a Christmas Present It
waa a kind of Dlnmis formerly exhibited on
the What-Not In almost every polite Home.
By peering through at the twin Photographs and
working It like a Slide Trombone, one oould get rav
ishing glimpses of Trafalgar Square, Lake Como,
and the Birthplace of Bobby Burns.
Nearly every evening the Tradesman would bnck
np to the Student Lamp and put In a delirious half
hour with the Views.
While gazing up the Rue de Rlvoll or across the
rlce-ris(idles at the snowy cap of Fuji, his Blood
would became hot by tho old boyhood Desire to sell
or roes the Blue to Foreign Paris.
Thoae who saw him mowing the
Lrwn little suspected that he was
being Inwardly eaten by the Waader-
lnst.
The Tradesman, FMwln by name,
and Ms Managing Director, Selena,
formed the magic-lantern Habit away
back In the days of Stoddard. They
never missed a chance to take In
Burton Holmes. Sitting In the dark
ness, they would hold hands and sim
ply eat those Colored Slides
Selena belonged to a Club that was
trying to get a aide-hold on the Art
and Architecture of the Old World.
She had a smouldering Ambition to
ride a Camel In the Orient and then
come home and put It all over a cer
tain proud Hen who had apent six
weeks in Europe
She had to wait patiently until
Edwin was threatened with a ner
vous Break-Down. At last the Hap
py Day arrived when the Specialist
told him he must m.ake his choice
between a long Bea Voyage and a
slow ride to the Family Lot.
Credit.
Edwin did a little quick work with the Pencil
and said they could either hurry on or else hie back
to tho Home Town and begin Life all over again.
Three weeks after saying good-by to Griddle
Cakes (hey were In Naples, which they had seen plo-
tured on so many Calendars.
Once In a while they would venture from the
Hotel to run foot-races with the yelping Lazzaroni or
try to look at Vesuve without paying seven or eight
members of the Camorra for the Privilege.
After being chased back Into the Hotel, they
would sit down and address Post-Cards by the Hour,
telling how much they were enjoying their stay in
Napoli, homo of Song and Laughter.
Next we see them In Egypt, still addressing Post-
Cards, and offering anything within reason for a good
Cup of Coffee.
A few days later they were curled up in a Cabin
de Luxe about the size of a Telephone Booth, wait
lng for the Ocean Greyhound to recover from an at
tack of Hydrophobia.
When they tottered down the Gang-Plank, after
six days on the playful North Atlantic, tholr only
Comfort was derived from the knowledge that, as
goon as they had rested up, they could write home
and quote the Second Offioer as saying it was the
roughest Passage he had ever Known.
After spending a few days In London, trying to
pgt warm, they moved on to Paris, which they re
membered long afterward on account of Napoleon’s
Tomb and the price of Strawberries.
Selena pulled her tail-grass French on a Hack-
man, but there was nothing doing. He had taken It
from » different Teacher.
So they employed a Guide who knew all the
Shops. If Selena happened to admire a Trinket or
some outre Confection with I-ace slathered on it, a
perfumed Apache In a Frock Coat would take Edwin
into a side room, give him the sleeve across the
Wind-Pipe, and bite a piece out of his Letter of
Not that they would own up to being home-sick. No, indeedl They kept
writing back that they enjoyed every minute of their sail up tho
Nyc, and Edwin was holding up wonderfully, for an invalid.
Not that they would own up to being Home-Sick.
No. Indeed! They kept writing bacx that they en
joyed every Minute spent among the Cemeteries
and Ruins, or sailing up the Nile, and Edwin was
holding up wonderfully, for an Invalid.
Only, when either of them spoke of the Children,
or Corned-Beef Hash, or the Canary, a long Silence
would ensue, and then the Nervous Wreck would
cheer her by computing that they would be in God's
Country within four months, if they escaped Ship
wreck, Sunstroke, and Bubonic Plague.
While parboiling themselves down the Red Sea It
began to soak In on them that, east of Suez, tlie
Yank has about as much standing as the Ten Com
mandments.
The Congressman at home had assured them, on
numerous occasions, that Columbia was the Jim of
tile Ocean and the most upholstered portion of the
entire Foot-Stool.
Consequently, it was somewhat disconcerting to
meet British Subjects who never had heard of Quin
cy, Illinois, and who moved their Deck Chairs every
time they were given a chance to hear about 1L
General Grouch Says
Oacffrjgbt. 1916, by tt* Star Onnparr Great Britain Ktghta R«*»rvf.i
T HERE'S more danger of getting stung by a
busybody than by a busy bee.
Of course matches are made In heaven; they're
not needed in the othor place.
The same man who wouldn't hunt more than
three minutes for a screwdriver with which to put
on a screen door will tear around two hours hunting
for a corkscrew.
the craziest planet in the solar system.
Men run quicker to aid a fallen horse than a
fallen man because they know It isn’t the horse's
fault.
Poverty isn't the only thing coming In at the door
that makes love fly out the window.
Some men would have to give an excuse If they
got home ahead of time.
We begin to do right about the time we get too
old to do wrong, but,we don’t begin to think right
until they call In the lawyer and the minister.
Woman is the natural "rib" roast.
U everyone could do u he pleased Ujj, ^qld he
Remember that every peach has a stony heart
If all we had to cover us was our religion most
of us would have to stay in the water.
Did yon ever :: tic.- *I>a» 1'3 per cent of the
pwtiuiuo In the rust cure t. .sUmtuir are mas .red.
They would arrive In a New Town, fly to the Ho
tel, unpack, go out and buy their colored Post-Cards,
come back to the Dump (usually called the Grand
Hotel Victoria), address Cards to all the Names on
the list, then pack up, pay the Overcharges, and ride
to the Railway Station, accompanied by a small regi
ment of Bashi-Bazouks who were looking for Theirs.
Selena was still buying Souvenirs, but doing It
mechanically, as If In a Trance.
They had been stung with so many Oriental Pho
neys and stuck up so often that they had gone
Yellow end lost their Nerve.
When they saw an outstretched Mitt, they came
zeross without a Whimper.
Often, while riding in the dusty Cattle Cars and
looking out at the parched Plains, they would think of
the shaded Front Porch, only five minutes from Bar
clay’s Drug Store, where they sold the Ice Cream
Soda. Moaning feebly, they would return to the
Italicized Guide Book.
Eaoh day they would purchase a Newspaper
about tho size of a Bed-Spread and search eagerly
for American News. Onco In a while they would
learn that Congress had met or another Colored Per-
son had been burned at the Stake. It cheered them
Immensely to know that the Land of the Free was
still wiggling. ,
At Rangoon they met a locoed Countryman head
ed In the opposite direction. He was a hard-faced
Customer who was fighting the Climate with Gin
and Bitters, but they fell upon him and wanted to
Kiss him when they learned that he had once met
Selena's Uncle at Colorado Springs.
The., told him how to save time In getting across
india, and he gave them a list of Places In China
and Japan that might be dodged to advantage.
Their principal Occupation, when not setting
down Expressions of Delight on the Post-Cards, was
to study Time-Tables and cable ahead for Reserva
tions.
The Invalid’s one desire was to get home and take
a regular Bath before being laid out
Hong Kong pleased them exceedingly because
they learned, by consulting Mr. Mercator’s Projec
tion, that they were on the Home Stretch and, with
Luck in their favor, might live to see another Piece
of Pie.
As soon as they were on the Pacific and headed
for a refined Vaudeville Show, they began to recover
the brave Spirit of Travel and blow about what they
had seen.
The Towns and Temples and Tombs and Treas
ures of Art w ere all Jumbled together, but by dally
reference to Baedeker and Murray, they were en
abled to find out where they had been and wliat
they had seen with their own Eyes and how It im
pressed them, at the time.
Before touching at Honolulu they were real en
thusiastic about India. They advised the awe
stricken Listener who had not been all the way
around to be sure and take In Penang and Johore,
and. If necessary, they would give him Letters of
Introduction..
They said It had been a wonderful Experience.
Y’es, indeed. And broadening. Very. Then Edwin
would wander to the front end of the Ship and want
to climb out on the Bowsprit so sa to be in Frisco
aN$d of anybody else
He convalesced rapidly as they approached the
Golden Gate, for he knew that in a few days he
could unpack for good and gallop down to the office
and not have to worry about Travelling.
Two hours after lauding, Edwin saw a Porter
House Steak and hurst Into tears.
They sped eastward by the first Train, still busy
with the little Red Books, for they knew they would
have to answer a lot of Questions.
“Shall we own up and tell them the Awful
Truth?” asked Selena. •
“Not on your Esoteric Buddhism," replied Edwin.
“We never will be rewarded for our sufferings unless
we convince the Neighbors that we had a run for
our Money. It was a troubled Nightmare, In Spots,
but when I lecture in the Church Parlor X am going
to burn Joss Sticks and pull every variety of Bunk
made famous by Sir Edwin Arnold and Lafcadlo
Hearn.”
On the following Tuesday, Selena appeared at the
Club witlf her Mandarin Coat and the long Hindoo
Ear-Rings. She had them frozen In the.ir Chairs.
MORAL-’ Be it c er ’ard to Take, there Is
no place 11 nu a..liviii u.\jam*. i
Just for Fun
18X3, by tom Star Oirnpery. Ore*.*. Britain Bights Rsaerved.
“Look Out for the Paint!”
S HE—In Turkey a man never sees the face of his
wife until after they are married.
He—Great ScottI Do they use paint and pow
der over there, too!
“Going Down!”
HERE was a young maid of sixteen, •
Who took three baths a day to keep clean;
She had washed quite away,
When the drain pipe one day
Gulped her down. She was neret
more seen!
Henry’s Value.
I ATE yesterday afternoon Hen-
*— 1 ry T. Oatmmn sought Judge
Splnx for an injunction restrain
ing the chickens at home. Ever
since last Tuesday Henry’s ohick-
ens have adopted toward Henry
an exclusive attitude that amounts
X a tb the “cut direct” They say
kJ j they are the real aristocracy on
taw- the farm because they are worth
eleven and a half cents a pound
while Henry wouldn’t fetch- ten.
The neighbors are Inclined to side with the
chickens.
Mtrft
Bound to Disagree.
B ROWNE—I saw a funny thing In court to-day.
The first panel drawn consisted of twelve
Hebrews.
Greene—Gee; That was sure some Jewry.
“H
A Failure.
OW can I Induce a suffragette to believe
that she doesn’t want to vote?!’
“Marry her.”
"I’ve been married to her ten years.”
“Then divorce her and give some one else a
chance.”
The Snique.
A MAN with a vision oblique
By accident Jostles a Grique;
But each time that, he tries
To explain his crossed eyes
The Grique takes a crack at his hiquel
The Office Girl Who
Snickered Out Loud.
O H, a rag and a bone and a
hank of hair, and a shag-
haired man with a ’phone stood
there. Oh, a wag in the room had
a pin on tho chair and the man
so fat with the ’phone sat square
on the seat but flopped and be
gan to swear. And the rag
and the bone and the hank of hair, chewed her
gum, chewed the rag, and she giggled for fair. So
the mutt with the fat shook her then and there,
to the rag and the bone and the hank's despair.
So she’s single yet, and a quiet wench Is the wife
of the fat man on the bench. Now she who laughs
last laughs the beet, but to he-haw wrongly proves
no Jest; so grin with gusto when you can, but best
at a joke than at some man. It’s a durn long lane
; that’s got no turn, and a book-keep girl's got her
I wage to earn; and It’s no good sense to snicker at
the boss, lest, maybe, a diamond ring’s her loss.
So If in the office why giggle you must, buy a copy
of Biff and snicker till you bust. Yon can read till
i you're tired, till you’re tickled, till you wiggle, you
can sit there for hours while you laugh, cry and
giggle. And ?. neat glad-rag with her hair In a hank,
may still win * chap with a book at the bank.
sajMiMiMy
. Toil In
Darkness
Stole
a Genius’s
Sight
(Stirring Stork* of Great Musician*. No. 3.)
A N old library, in old Germany, a forbidden book, a little lad
** who looked, and sighed, and hoped.
For to him it was a book of wonder and white delight. His soul
thrilled to the glory that it conjured up. It was a book of Music.
One night the moonlight streamed through his room and it tempted
him. He crept down stairs, and in the secret of the night took down
the book. 1l> graven melodies stood out before him in a mist of sound.
Night after moonlight night he came thus, bending, poring over it,
copying its figured radiances that were immortal sound.
And then one night his task was done. For six months he had
worked, and he stood there riven by a triumph poignant as pain.
The beauty of the book was his. He had wrung from it tho secret
of its immortal message.
Years afterwards that boy was great—and a rumor stirred the world
regarding him. Men whispered his name. Great women prayed and
wept, prayed and waited till the final day. Then the stolen moonlight
hours laid their fingers upon him.
Sebastian Bach was blind. • •••••
Have you a child who hums as he plays, who has the beginnings of
musical talent—who might have even genius? ^ How can you know,
till you’ve found out by giving him a chance with a few music lessons
and a good piano?
Beware of the kind of pianos that are ** good enough to practise on.**
They deprave the musical taste. They have spoilt thousands of careers
The ear, or rather the delicate brain cells that connect with it, get bad
“sound habits,” like a boy who “ talkstough,” or an English cockneywith
his misplaced *‘h.” Each is the victim of sound environment. Their
sound judgments have been ruined, and they can *t come back• The
HALLET & DAVIS PIANO
develops a true musical taste through true sound—the one standard
of the beautiful in music. If not tried too late, it can save the musical
ear—perhaps a career. The great Franz Liszt and Johann Strauss
recommended the Hallet & Davis Piano. Pope Pius X honored it
. with a Papal medal.
Give your boy a chance. And let us show you hoxv, and how vou
can afford it too. That’s our business and we like it. We’ll calf on
you if you like it Anyhow, fill out the attached coupon and send for
catalog. Mail the coupon today—so you won’t put it off find forget.
HALLET & DAVIS PIANO CO.
(Established 1839) •
50 N. Pryor St., Atlanta.
COUPON
Send mo full information about Name—
the Hallet 8c Davis Piano, and
your Easy Buying Han. Address.,
N-9
A woman seldom tells a good story. 8he nerer
i really good ones.
Give Yourself a Chance
A re-you sickly in any way? Are you
below par? Then you are not living right. Yo«t
are not getting what mipht be yours. Postpone
ment. is the price of your birthright.
Life has untold blessings if you will reach oat
and grasp them. Great obstacles recede before the
onrushing enthusiasm of the man or
woman who is vigorous and happy. The
world smiles when you are well. Health
tinges everything with beauty.
Strong words, you say—yet true. To
the man or woman who will not be denied,
who- demands the right of being healthy
and happy, Nature—yes, and man—hold
out new hope. The ebbing spark may
be renewed. The sluggish blood stream
may be quickened. The weakened nerves and
muscles may be brought to new life and strength.
And you wish to know what will do these things for you? Electricity.
Electricity is
Nature’s Greatest Health Builder
When old Ben Franklin drew the spark down the silken cord, he brought
to man a wondrous power—an agent to do his bidding and to strengthen
the very vitals and sinews of the man who used it.
The greatest achievement of the last decade has been to bring electricity
to suffering humans in a form sate, convenient and economical.
Many there are to-day, healthy and happy, who ascribe their well being
to the curative, strengthening power of electricity.
Be you young or old. male or female, there is
new beauty, new life, new power, new happiness
for you in this wonderful modern invention.
The “Home”
Health and Beauty Battery
A few minutes each day will give wonderful
results.
Constitutional headaches grow less and finally
disappear under the tonic effect of the elec
tric current.
* Lame backs and lumbago lose their terrors
Rheumatism Is relieved. Neuralgia alike, and
physical weaknesses of nearly every descrip
tion.
Thin faces and thin arms become plump.
The skin becomes soft and velvety, free from
unsightly eruptions.
The electric current from the Home Battery,
gentle or forcible, according to your require
ments, stimulates and strengthens the whole
system, giving Nature the power to so perform her function® a® to keep all
parts hea thy. *■
O fin 311 complete In a handsome, sntln-llned box, wtth Hat®
1 TlCe 4*3Brush. Electrode, Sponge, Massage Roller. Metal Foot
Plate, connecting cord for these accessories, and Instruction Manual, giving
explicit directions for .all kinds of treatments.
The Home Battery is complete in itself, no outilde battene® or connec
tion®. nothing to got out of order, current easily regulated. W® use a
standard dry cell which yon can easily renew when required.
q ; | fTff . For a limited time only, we will give three extra dry
OpCClal Verier . ce iis—practically a year's supply—free with eaoh bat
tery upon receipt of coupon printed below.
Vou will enjoy the delightful effect of the electrical current, whether you
use thp battery for face massaging—with the electric hair brush to eorraet
scalp troubles and promote beautiful liair^-as a general tonic treatment—or in
anv of the many ways described in our Instruction Manual for specific need®.
Life will take on new beauties when you feel the vital blood of health
coursing strongly through your veins.
Send Tn your order for tne ‘•Home 1 ’ Battery to-day. Don’t wait a minute,
You can’t afford to delay.
This is your opportunity to renew your strength and vigor, year op-
ortunity to become physically fit, to step out from the weakling class, and
ie a winner.
Give yourself a chance. Act now. Only $5.00 for th« complete outfit
— your passport to health.
Western Merchandise & Supply Co.
326 West Madison St., Near Market St. CHICAGO
Money Back—10. Day
Trial Coupon
This coupon, with 96.06,
entitles you to one Homs
Health and Beauty Bat
tery, complete, (including
three extra dry calls free)
shipped prepaid. Try il
ten days. If not entirely
satisfied at the end of that
time, your 96.00 will bt
promptly refunded upon
return o! machine.
This offer Is mad# for a
•united time only. Dm
coupon to-day.
Name. »»»« , *
Address. * < res »»«»•
&