Newspaper Page Text
BIST HUMOR, MOVING
PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE
ATLANTA, GA, SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 1913.
Have You Read
Polly Peachtree
To-day? If Not, You Had
Better. She Gives You an
Entree Into the
Smart Set
Sunday in the Big City
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist.
They’re Putting* Up
the Shutters at the
Summer Resorts
Onigllltn. 1911, by tfc* BUv Onmapany Ur—t BrlUia Rlfbta R—errad.
Why They Laugh at "Kiss Me Quick
99
Philip Bartholomae’s New Farce
OaHjim*. m*. fer tha Mar Onfi.
D W E LI ‘ need money when th « kldB oome ”
VV "Babies? You know I’ve got fourteen names picked out already."
“Well, we’ll start at the beginning of the list, but I won’t promise to
go through with it."
"I
am sort of on probation."
'“What’s that?”
"Probation? Oh, that’s when you don't touch boose 1
"That’s prohibition."
||AH, It’s corned beef again to-day. Why don’t that landlady of oura
have anything but corned beef!”
“We had ham yesterday."
"Yes, and It made me wish for the corned beef."
(TTOW long have you been a moving picture actor?"
il "A couple of months now. I started out In the legit. After start-
ug 1 took up pictures. Besides there’s more money in It."
* • *
I PROVIDENCE? I had a girl In Providence once, but she’s mad at me.’’
-E "Cheer up, maybe it’s Providence that makes her mad.’’
* • •
(VTO, I can’t do It; I can t propose. I haven’t got a bit of sentiment
In me.”
"But aren’t you engaged to Ola?*
"Yes, but that’s different." . . . „
“Well, what did you say to her? You must have proposed to her.
"Oh. I just said: ’When we get married’
tj
Y
ES. I have concluded to live all my books now. I live everythin,
•wiluThope you don’t write books like 'Three Weeks.’-
* * *
fIIT1HEY are chorus girls. We must not notice them.
' -L "Why not? A chorus girl is like everyone else, only more so."
“It’s tbs ‘more so I am afraid of.
IfTkTHERE are you from?"
*» I am from Opponaug."
"Opponaug? Oh, that's that row of houses scattered along the road
that almost looks like a street,"
"That * It"
"Have you ever acted?”
"I played In Shakespeare once."
"Once?"
"Just once? The rest of the company played all week, but they
canned me after the flrat performance. 1 put a lot of right good comedy
In It too.”
"What part did you play?"
"Hamlet”
"I suppose the critics were hard on you?"
"No, It wasn't the critics. One of them said: ‘Our local stock com
pany Is doing Shakespeare this week, and doing It for all it’s worth. The
actor playing Hamlet Is doing him up brown.' 'We hear he Is ambitious,’
said another critic, ‘and expects to leave foot prints on the Bands of
time. We would suggest thumb prints.’ I have been sort of puzzling
over that ever since.”
<(W HAT are you doing?"
• • "Hanging myself."
’’Oh. but you ought to tie It round your neck and not round your
waist .’’
“Well, 1 tried il that way, but I couldn’t breathe."
liyOU see, my annt llrea her books, and she wants to write your pro-
posal Into the new one."
"No one paid any attention to her flrat two books, and she moved out
of the country and wrote a book oalled 'Back to Nature.’ In It she
gave her Impressions.
"And It was the beat seller ever. They took aonty’e seriousness
for sarcasm.
"And she’s been hailed as a second Mark Twain. And she hasn’t
a Mt of humor. Why, here’s a sentence out of ner book that poor aunty
meant In all seriousness: ’The only drawback about the country Is I
had to drink cow's milk. I could get no store milk. ”
"W
HAT'S your name?"
’Sallle Jonea."
’That’s a funny name for an actress. Why don’t you change It?"
1 did, but It was too much work to remember whet name I took."
1 wmg an actor 1 ODO * appeared at Sana Soucl Park la Chicago."
““ "Sana Soucl Park?”
"Yes.”
"What does Sans Soucl means?"
"It comes from the Spanish and means, ’I should worry.’"
e • •
((you must have had a lovely time abroad. I suppose you went to
■E Rome."
"I really don’t know, my dear; my husband always bought the tickets ’’
* * *
ff T HEAR you took a prominent part In the Mothers’ Congress.”
“Yes. I was chairwoman of the Committee on Measles."
« * *
TTE—I am crazy to kiss you.
•E*- She—Well, If you think so, you needn’t.
Owpyrlrht. 1913. by the Star OonvpeaT Or**t Britain KfcBt* timer,«L
PLEASANT MEADOWS.
H IRAM WENTWORTH, who runs Sunset Farm (which faces the
east), says the last of the Summer boarders Is a lot like the
last run of shad—mighty thin. Most everybody's thin that eats
long at Hiram’s place.
Your correspondent will cease his journalistic duties as correspondent
this week, leaving Pleasant Meadows without ft newspaper representative.
| as he has accepted the position of editor-in-chief of Sam Barlow’s cider
mill, which goes to press In about a week.
V
SILVER DELL.
Mr. and Mrs. E. W. Forsalthe. of the city, have gone hack home aftet
a month’s vacation at the Silver Dell Hotel.
Miss Muriel Forsalthe. daughter of Mr. and Mrs. E. W. Forsalthe, aged
three months, has also returned to the city with Mr. and Mrs. Forsalthe
E. Bertram Gumpus has returned to the city. He was a guest at the
Overlook Inn. He Is the smart Aleck who said they overlooked every
thing except the board bill.
We have found out why he got so mad when he was asked to play
"tag.” We found a letter which Informed us that he Is a shipping clerk
In a dry goods emporium.
METUNKAMENUNKY.
Daniel H. I’erklns has closed the Metunknmenunky House for the
season. Mr. Perkins Is not the proprietor—he is the Sheriff.
A bad fire was narrowly averted at the Idylwylde Hotel this week.
Miss Gussle Typer was entertaining some of her guests In the front parlor
j with a chnfing dish party when the lace curtains caught Are, also Miss
j Typer’s hulr. By rare presence of mind Mr. Harold P. Beane tore down
i the curtains and threw them out the window, after which he threw Miss
j Typer’s hair out, too.
Souvenir cards, new cheese. Bibles, fresh cider and other toilet articles
| at Bllllng’a General Store.—Advt.
GOSHDUNQUIT.
This Summer colony of literary writers, picture painters, sculpers
and other near-humans Is fast thinning out.
Mr. Algernon Hope, the poet, has returned to his duties as head
barber In the Swellatonla Hotel In the city.
Mr. Carlyle Wlmpus, the sculper, who was doing a statue of October
; Noon here, has been called back a week earlier than he expected to his
I position In the meat department of the Star Department Store.
Myles Jlbson, the artist, will be here another week, as he sold one of
his pictures. He was painting It beside the road when a tourist’s auto
mobile skidded Into It and ruined It, and Mr. Jlbson made the man pay
for it. Mr. Jlbson always paints beside the highway now, Just around a
sharp curve. In this manner he hopes to sell another picture. He will
go back to his Job as bookkeeper In the International Pickled Tripe Cor
poration next week.
Homer Dlckens-Plpp, the novelist, who has been staying at his
bungalow all Summer, left suddenly by the back door the day before
yesterday, owing to the arrival of Mrs. Dlckens-Plpp at the front door.
There was no argument between them, as Mrs. Dlckens-Plpp couldn’t
catch up with him.
SOUTH PARADISE.
All the Summer boarders have gone for the season. It has been
the liveliest Summer season on record, every one of the fourteen resi
dents in this community having had from nine to seven boarders all
Summer.
Mrs. Ephraim Sawyer has had her house, the Morning Glory Farm,
painted.
William Pettigrew, proprietor of the Pettigrew Houbs, has just
bought a new threshing machine.
E C Wallace was noted driving home In a new rubber-tired buggy
last Tuesday after he drove the last of his Summer boarders to the
station.
Elvira and Myra Holebrook, the spinsters who had seven boarders
all Summer, have been to the city for two days. They came back with
some brand-new dresses.
CRYSTAL SPRINGS.
No news from this section this week, as all the Bummer boarders
nave gone.
Wilbur Fellows has Just bad eight thousand dollars left him.
Mrs Mary C. Evans, while trying to wear one of the narrow skirts
left by one of her boarders, fell down the piazza steps and broke both legs
The Rev. Archibald Meeker, pastor of the First Church, eloped last
Wednesday with Mrs. Cyrus Bennett.
E P. Hodgson and wife are rejoicing over the advent of triplets.
We understand some Summer boarders are oomlng for a couple
weeks, for which we are truly thankful, as it may give us some nows.
This has been an awful dull week.
8ANDY BEACH.
This Is to warn you that the report from this noted resort which
you published last week or so was a fake sent In by a Miss Imogens
Bwenson-Murphy. She wrote you an Item that Mr. Hiram Beasley and
Miss Ruth 0. Willis was married. While that Is true, I think your read
ers ought to know they were married forty-one years ago come Thanks
giving And the Item about Mr. Charles Streeter’s canoe being found
bottom-side up wasn’t exactly a honest piece of news, as it was fifty feet
from the high-water mark and put bottom-side up by Mr. Streeter himself
to keep the rain out I am merely writing this to let our townspeople
know that It wasn’t me writing those things from this town.—P. G.
OZONE HEIGHTS.
Edward Hills, proprietor of the Breathe Inn. Is to have the best
equipped hotel In the United States next Summer. His food will be the
best ever served. He has got the finest view In America from his Inn,
and his food will be the best In the world. His rates will be the cheapest
ever known, and every guest will have special attention. No other Sum
mer reBort ever oompared with this one for beauty and health and enjoy
ment and refinement and grandeur and cuisine and furnishings and en
vironment.
Now that the Summer season Is over, your correspondent is going
to work for Mr. Edward Hills, and will be clerk at his famons resort
Breathe Inn. next Bummer at a munificent salary.
(Note to Editor.—Be sure and print this top item about Mr. Hill’s
hotel, aa It Is very Important)
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PJ