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ITKARST’S SI .MiAV AMERICAN. ATLANTA, HA , M NDAY, KKTI'KMHIiK I, m3.
What Is Your ‘Jinx’
Copyright 191X, by »h* 8t»r Company ilr«at Britain Ft 1 fc*“ 1 at Reserved.
J OK JEFFERSON, a* everybody faking groat care that he doesn't
knows, dearly loved Ashing. •« stumble again
TO SUIT JEFF-
By
Bud Fisher
Mutt and Jeff Appear Every day in The Atlanta Georgian.
1-1.. 1M4 V... the Sit O P
does also his friend. William H
Crane They made many trip* to-
rether. but they were ever on th»
alert against one Jinx—cnssed PsV
lines! Jefrrson In particular feared
such u happening When It oc
curred lie would bundle up his halt,
reel In his line ard make for the
nearest railroad station. It would
be a month before he and Crane
could overcome the fear of the Im
pending hoadoo.
S AM HARRIS, If he spills salt al
his meal, will keep oway from
his theatre on that night, as "It
means a battle with his leading
lady.”
/-•HARLEY CASE, the famons
black-faced vaudevllllan, would
not do hi* act unless he had that
Inevitable, piece of atrlng that he
twists around his fingers during
his monologue.
T ED SNYDER, who writes the
music for many of the popular
hits of the day, begins a song by
hodllng the pencil In his left thumb
and middle finger
yACK DEMPSEY wa* superstitious
) about Ills fighting trunk* if*
<ilway 8 wnrf tli<» name pair through-
out his ring career until he fought
Fltialmmons They were so patched
up that they looked like n crazy
quilt The Fitzsimmons fight was
the biggest of Ids career and some
friend Induced him to get a new
pair of tights. He was knocked out
In thirteen rounds.
T IM CORBETT thinks It Is the
J worst Jinx In the world to kill
a cricket. When lie was helping Jim
Jeffries train at Rowardennan for
the fight with Johnson, Corbett was
at all times the lltgh Isird Keeper
of the Crickets. In Just one moment
of woe some one killed one and
James J. Corbett savs It was the
> mine of the downfall of the only
"White Hope"
yirTOR HERBERT Is alwa y* In
dread that none singer wfi)
whistle his part tn a new rootdc
opera during rehearsal Instead of
Singing It. He thinks It la an In
fallible Jinx.
JAKE SHUBERT will not stand
J for any one sitting In the boxes -
during the rehearsal of a new pro |
ductlon.
M ARC KLAW believes that rain
on an opening night Is a sure
sign of success.
B OB FITZSIMMONS wss given a
California gold "two bit” piece j
by old Barney Farley as a luck j
charm when he went to fight Jack ■
Dempsey at New Orleans. He had
the little coin strapped to the palm
of his hand under the tape used as j
bandages on his big freckled fists j
In that fight Fltz always kept the
llxtle coin, and had It strapped to
his hand In all of his great battles.
A BE K TIT.ANGER considers It an
III omen If a cross-eyed man
la spotted In the first row on the
opening night of a show. Abe thinks
no show on earth can carry the
weight of such ■ Jinx and be a
success.
T ERRY M’GOVTCRN, famous ns a
fighter, always Insisted before
entering the ring that bla right shoo
he laced on first. After his defeat
by Young Corbett at Hurt ford, he
remembered that In the excitement
previous to the fray some helper had
put on his left shoe first. He Insists
to this day that this cost him the
fight against the little Denverite.
S AM RYAN, formerly of Lewis It
Ryan, will walk out of the
theatre If he happens to stub his toe
while crossing the threshold of his
dressing room. Once out on the
street he will walk around the en
tire block, then re-enter the theatre.
hello,"Doc, Just 4-Feer
twatll bc *Uq . i'll Be
KlfeHT OVER . HUH I - J
JEFF HPeej, A CHANC€
FOR. Ob TC Sot*ve_
NtOMEY. A MeOlCAL.
roLLE&e ij>
FoR-ecoies. i'll Phone
^*0 Abft. tuHAT -
THEN Pkvy J
GO &6CL YoURSELf*.
Yoi/«te TweNY'v
Dollars LDN46R.
Than N\E
STR.6TCH
YOURseep
OBFF, as
long as YOU
CAN
f all RIGHT doc, YOU
SAY you PHY *10 A FCOT
You pay cash on
DeLtNERY fi all RjCoMT
T>0C, - huh? how 0161-
OH, HOLD'THB UNe A
^'Nurt toe.
The New ^ §€600
Stenographer
from
the
ivania-Dutch Comedy “The
Coprrlslil, ISIS, to the St.r CVwnsuo
Urea Britain B'cbU ltn«wrv«*L
M URIEL was a brand-new
stenographer.
Muriel was nervous.
The boas was In a hurry to get
sway on some Important business.
He was to meet some of tha boys
at a cafe and after a long and
liquid lunch was to Jump in his car
and speed up to the ball grounds.
It was Indeed Important business.
He chewed Impatiently on a big,
fat and black cigar which occu
pied a large section of his mouth
and mads him mumble.
“S'letieT, takaltt," he muttered.
"What, sir?” asked AlurleL
"S'letter, cantcher takelUT"
"Oh, cer,t'uly," murmured Muriel,
who fished her pencil out of her
hsir, picked up her note book and
sat down by his desk.
"Smjth'n Gold, Untpeteenerty j
street cago gotiti?"
"Yes. sir," replied MurleL
" We’r In receipt y‘r lett'r ol
even date 'nin r'ply would say we
?'n secure desired information with
in two days upon receipt your \
specifications 'n reply by return
mail f that date.
" 'Hoping this meets '1th yY ap- i
pni'ai we romais Y'r# truly.’ got
lit?"
"Yes. sir.” responded Muriel.
The boss went out to the oafs !
to sit under an electric fan and stir !
the ice in his glass with a long
sroon.
MUriel went over to the type
writer and ground oat the follow- j
tny:
•'Smlthetn (loldump.
"Steenthey streeL ragelogotttc
"Sirs: Were in respite your let- i
ter evening date and in repeal
would say weak and sure fire in-
fiamatlon within too dazed up on
reseat your specification* and reply I
by rotten mail of that date.
"Hoping this meats with jour j
avail w» refrain.
“Yours tru-la gottltt."
The next day after the boss had
fred Muriel and was reading her
effort for the third time as he
rhewed on another big. fat and
black cigar that ha'f filled one end
of Ms mouth, he muttered:
‘Tan’ see fr lifer me whine
thunder can't getter girl take my
di 'alion. I-endnoro I talk loud
null I"
The Scene la Laid in the Parlor of the
Koehler Home in Lauterbach, a Small
Village in Western Pennsylvania.
Discovered at Rise—George Eckhart Dis
cussing Plans With His Fiancee,
Martha Koehler.
Coftprl^tt. 1913. by tnm 8U* rouipnay.
Great Hrr.atn llvlit* K«*wrYe*L
G EORGE They want me to corae to New
York in a month Do you think you
could be ready to go with sue?
MARTHA—Tees 1 could be ready, but daddy,
you know, I’m the whole family.
GEORGE—Your father's all right—why, he
•wouldn't refuse anybody anything, when by glv
Ing he could make them happy.
MARTHA—He's the best tempered man In
I juitcrbach.
GEOKGK—He in. but how about your
mother?
MARTHA Mother? If I wasn’t so sure of
you, I mU’ht get Jealous. for 1 think stir's as
much In love, almost, as I am. Have you told
Dr. Kioto?
GEORGE—I showed him thla letter, and of
all the roostlngs I ever received, his was the
worst. "You are s fool. You're somebody here,
and when 1 retire you ran buy me out!”
MARTHA—If you bought him out he'd still
run the business.
GEORGE—-"Here you are respected, your
neighbors know you. There you won't he a
drop of distilled water In an ocean of mud.
Don’t 1 pay you enough?" “Yes,'' I answered.
"More than the position i» worth .’’ '"1'hat’s my
business,” be roarod “I can pay you what 1
please—and I’ll pay you the same as they will.
Will you stay?"
MARTHA—What did you oay?
GEORGE—"If I do stay. U will b« at the
salary I’m getting now."
MARTHA—Then what?
utkiltuii,—Me exploded, called me things, ana
rushed out of the store. 1 hate to leave him,
he’s the boat-natured. pig heeded old Dutchman
that ever lived, and If It wasn’t that I’m in
love with and loved by the beat girl that ever
lived
MARTHA—Of course.
GEORGE—i might stay, but I have to think
of the future—our future-
MARTHA—You know. George. 1 like that—
it sound* good to me
GEORGS—What?
MARTHA—Our future.
GEORGE—Shall 1 ask your father?
MARTHA—Deur old Daddy, he'll say “yes,"
If It breaks bis heart.
GEORGE—Of course. I esn refuse the offer
MARTHA—And stay here, aud be Kioto'*
drug clerk for the next tou years? No, George,
what la better for you Is belter for me. aud
f.vur weeks from to-morrow you esu buy two
ticket.* for New York and neither of them re
turn*.
GEORGE—But if your father should
MARTHA—He won't—and if he did we could
send and get his consent afterward*, couldn't
we.
GEORGE—Of course
MRS. KOEHLER (entering)—All right, stay
win-re you are. Jacitita de barber is nicht Ijefe
yet; he had to shave off the hair from Nellie
Ackerman—she's got the fever. 1 go over there
after a while* yet.
MARTHA—Mother, George has a fine offer to
go to New York to work.
MRS. KOEHLER—-Yah, das iss sohoeu, but
Nle York iss a long way.
GEORGE—I want to take Martha with me,
Mrs. Koehler.
MRS. KOEHLER—Yah! sure, you wait a
whiles.
MARTHA—Mr. Kioto is awful mad at him
for leaving.
MRS. KOEHLER—Sure, If a German have It
not always hts own way den he gets pig headed
right away quick.
MARTHA—All the Germans but my Daddy,
and my
MR8. KOEHLER—Your father can be stub
born like a mule. too.
GEORGE—You’d have a hard time making
any one believe It.
MRS. KOEHLER—I refused him seven time*
aud he got me anyhow. Iss dot nicht stubborn?
MARTHA—No, that's love.
MRS. KOEHLER—Dere’s de barber now.
GEORGE—Let's go out on the front porch.
MRS. KOEHLER—Yah, you won't get no
porches In New York, I was dere once, nuddlng
but tilts—mlt rooms so small you must get
folding up furniture. Your fader he say dot
de stables Is four stories high, an' dey even put
de horses upstairs to bed.
MARTHA—That sounds like one of father’s
yarns.
MRS. KOEHLER -George, Mr. Koehler will
be very unhappy when Martha go away, but
all mua have It come. You raise dem, und link
maybe dey stays bv you always, but like de
birds de matlug time comes—a greater love
call* dem. und dey files away. Yah! Yah!
Well better she fly sway with the man she
loves than some day become an old maids with
uo place to roost.
(lira. Koehler (joes out with George
and Martha following. Ludwig Koehler,
Ollomar Klotz and the other men en
ter. They have caught Holme and
Freda tossing in the nejrt room and
are discussing It.)
KLOTZ—If you ask me. they ought to be
spanked and put to bed. Kissing Is a sign of
depravity.
LUDWIG—Some kisse*. maybe. but the kiss
that Is not ashamed has no harm In It Herr
Doctor Ottomsr. the more right anything K
the more wrong It Is to you.
KLOTZ—But children like that—«he sifting
on his kflee—-and you laugh at It. What’s the
wor'd coming to?
LUDWIG—The world was coming to the
same place when X was lleiuie* age but It
hasn't arrived there yet. I used to kiss all the
pretty girls and some of the ugly ones, too. If
they'd let me. One thing I found out
KLOTZ—What was that?
LUDWIG—The ugly ones could stand It just
as good as the pretty ones.
OTTOMAR—When I was that boy's age I
didn’t know a kiss from a bag of beans.
LUDWIG—You don't yet.
OTTOMAR—What?
LUDWIG—Parson, make him behave him
self, he's done nothing but growl since he came.
PARSON—Perhaps he's just beginning to
realize what he missed ns a boy.
KLOTZ—Fiddlesticks.
LUDWIG—Ottomnr Kioto, you are an excel
lent horrible example to all young men opposed
to matrimony.
OTTOMAR—Why.
LUDWIG—Tell them to look at your happy
countenance, give them one of your choicest
grunts, say, "I am a bachelor,” and right away
they will hunt for partners and the parson.
OTTOMAR—Ha! Ha! I thought we came
here to practise quartet.
JUAN—Dats-a fight I’m-a promise my wife
I’m be home early.
LUDWIG—Let's try Helmvav.
OTTOMAR—Helmvay—you always want to
play Heimyay—why not try something good,
something worth while.
PARSON—Please yourself, gentlemen.
LUDWIG—Freda—Freda—bring me up a
pitcher from the cellar.
OTTOMAR—A pitcher of what?
LUDWIG—Well, not buttermilk, Ottomar.
OTTOMAR—Beer! Beer! Is It possible for
the Germans to do anything for pleasure that
Is not accompanted by beer? I tell you, gen
tlemen. If the Germans did not spoil their pleas
ures by fuddling their brains with beer, they’d
be the happiest race on earth.
LUDWIG—Good beer never spoilt anything
but bad tempers. You should drink more. This
beer is fit for a cynic, it will make him forget
everything but the pleesure he Is enjoying, as It
wends Its way to stop that feeling that makes
him what he Is. Try 1L Ottomar.
MRS. KOEHLER <entering>—My gracious,
why for you didn't call out to me? George—
Martha—come heir und eat a sandwich
(Ludwig hands the Parson anti dunn
steins, after filling them.)
MRS KOEHLER—Freda, fix the salad on s
dlalt—schnell.
OTTOMAR—Frau, why Is 1t that whenever
the quartet comes here for a quiet practise you
always stuff them with things to eat? We come
here, aynl all we do I* eat. eat and drink and
listen to Ludwig's jokes.
MR a KOEHLER It'* good I take pttv on
von. Dr Ottomar Kioto and' make you some
tilings to cause you to have a bite what does
you good where you want It. you won’t never
eat something what you should always.
LUDWIG—My good wife. my dear wife! If
you have some respect for the English language
speak Dutch.
Silver Wedding
MRS. KOEHLER—Du hrauchat nicht zu
prahlen. sprlchst auch manchmal English das
niemand verstehen kann. Und Ottomar Klotz
denkt ich soli meine Hande falten und sagen:
"Guten Abend, meine Ilerren, da 1st das Zim
mer. ue’oen Sie and dann machen Sle dass Sis
raus kommen."
LUDWIG—If It is German, my dear, your
tongue has no tangles.
OTTOMAR—As the rehearsal is postponed,
at least here, Juan Jaclnta and I will retire to
the back porch and have a little rehearsal our
selves. How about it, barber?
JUAN—Si—arr-right I come. Senor Jorge, he
tell-ame, may be he leav-a you, he go to New
York.
OTTOMAR—George is an Idiot! (Exit with
Juan.)
LUDWIG—Is that right George?
GEORGE—The offer Is so good, I don't see
how I can refuse it.
MRS. KOEHLER—Yah, und Doctor Kioto he
is so mad for it he don't know what to do.
PARSON—Possibly that's why he Is out of
sorts to-day.
I.UDWIG—He Is not out of sorts, he is in his
happiest mood; he's got something to growl
about. If he had only a slight attack of lum
bago. he would be in ecstasy.
MRS. KOEHLER—Doc don't mean nodding
by his grumbling, sure not.
LUDWIG—Do you know. Parson, when I
landed In this town thirty years ago
MRS. KOEHLER—Ein und dretsig year,
Ludwig.
LUDWIG—Thirty years ago, mother.
MRS. KOEHLER—Nein. Eln und dreislg
year.
LUDWIG—Well, when I landed in this town
thirty-one years ago. all I had was my trade as
a saddler and a good appetite, and Ottomar
Kioto took me to his heart and home, got me a
Job, and when I started In for myself, he it was
who lent me the money with which to do it,
and told me with the same breath I was a big
fool to start.
PARSON—He has the right of hla race, I
suppose, the Deutch.
MRS. KOEHLER—Yah? He can be as stub
born as iss a mule, und all anybody say is
“Well, he’s a Deutch—dot explain* It.” Arh
Hlmmel, wass Iss loss out dere?
JUAN (entering)—I wnnf-a my hat!
LUDWIG—What happened, was your A string
sharp?
JUAN—My G— he-a say It Is flat, or-right,
dan I screw him up—dan he say It Is sharp
en' I screw him down—I say: "It ls-a-or-right,
si Smior." He look-a me right In de nose an' a
say: "Jaclnta, you are a Portuguese, and de
Portuguese is-a all abum fiddlers." I want-a my
hat!
LUDWIG—Jnan Jaclnta. you believe every
thing you hear?
JUAN—What I believe?
LUDWIG—Doc say* you're a bum fiddler,
ye*?
JUAN—Si—bums Portuguese fiddler.
^ Now Playing at the Longacre
With Thomas A. Wise.
LUDWIG—And you believe him?
JUAN—No, I do-a not believe him.
LUOWIG—Then If you don’t believe him,
why get mad and want your hat?
JUAN—He-a say I’m abum-a fiddler.
LUDWIG—Juan, we have practised every
Sunday as long as I can remember. Yes?
JUAN—SI.
LUDWIG—How can we have harmony, if you
are not with us at all times. Without yonr
Stadlvarous, which you bought tn a pawnshop
for two dollars, and It was a bargain, we would
be like a German band — without a clarlon-
ette.
JUAN—Me no eoppe, meo bon amice, pardon
me.
LUDWIG—Sure, whatever you said. 8ofy,
Sill up Juan’s stein.
PARSON—I sometimes think that the hos
pitality of the house of Koehler is what brings
us together, quite as much aa our desire to prac
tise.
MRS. KOEHLER—Ach, such talk, It ain’t no
6uoh ting.
LUDWIG—Heinle, inform the Doctor with
eur compliments that as we have finished feaat-
ing the inner man, we are ready for a feast of
the senses.
HEINIE—You mean that you are ready to
spiel?
MRS. KOEHLER—Yah. dat’s It, only the bos#
he talks It In high tone talk.
PARSON (to George)—I suppose you will be
calling on me In my ministerial capacity before
long?
LUDWIG—Yah, but not so soon. George Is
a fine fellow, yes.
PARSON—Splendid, a living contradiction of
"like father, like sou.”
LUDWIG—Yah, his father was the meanest
man I ever met. You know when he died I was
giad for his wife and son—that he was gone,
yah—why, he almost caused me to lose my life,
by lies be told her father.
PARSON—That so? Did he want her him
self?
LUDWIG—I don’t know. One thing I know—
he didn't want me to have her, and told one of
those lies you can’t—you know what I mean—
it wasn’t the truth, yet; when I cornered him he
threw up both his hands and said, "Why, how
could he have so misunderstood me?" I never
told anybody. By golly, when you got to the
bottom of it there wasn’t anything to tell. He
was what you would call a wise liar. Wasn’t
he. Dewey? Dewey knows. One day when he
thought no one was looking, he kicked Dewey.
If be hadn’t been quicker than me I’d have
kicked him.
PARSON—Whenever anyone says anything
about the sins of the father visiting their chil
dren I point to George to contradict It
LUDWIG—George la all right.
PARSON—A man’s man, which is usually the
best kind of a man for a womnn'g husband.
LUDWIG—That’s so. two women don’t make
a good marriage even If one of them wears s
pair of ikfl n fh