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HEARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, GA , SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER '7, 1013.
7 E
LOVE’S YOUNG DREAM
By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist.
Owrljhw lftia. by tJM HUt Company Urwt tUltail. U«ku Umrrrt.
Cherry
Valley
Notes
OoarHCht. 1*11, by tfca Star Onmyuj.
Orwit BrIUla Rlfhts
A IN’T It embarrassln’ tho,
after you hev glv away all
your grown-up baby’s things
to be caught down to the store l>7
sum friends buyln some more.
tfA feller rldln’ one of them two
seated motorslckles asked ms to
ride, and when 1 got on he wanted
to see how fast she’d go, I reckon.
I slid off the seat to the tire to
brake her. Holy geeboasafat, a
feller might just es well sit on a
streak of llghtnln’, It couldn’t bs
no hotter.
Our sllrer cornet band wuz
winning the prise at the Firemen’s
Convenshun Thursday till a feller
from Brantvllle began eating a
lemon In front of our leadin’ cor
net player, and he got the wrong
pucker.
These pert city gals cant git the
best of HI Lent’s boy, Purdy, who
knows a thing or two. Two of them
wuz walkin' long Main street when
Purdy and Del Halbert walked on
each side of them to git by. One
of the gals sed, "Roses a’twlxt
thorns." "No. chicken sanwttch,"
sed Purdy.
Mrs. Spank hez a new way of
glttln’ flies out of the house. She
makes Sam put on a old suit She
sprinkles it with sugar water.
When a lot kerlect Sam walks to
the barn, shakes hlsself and then
makes a beeline fer the house. He
nearly run hlsself to death Sunday.
HI Lent nigh kicked his wife’s
thumb off ylsterday. She wuz hold-
in’ a tack fer him to drive with his
wooden leg, and just ez he made a
stamp at It he got a cramp In the
stump and didn’t hit the tack.
Phil Brock sez that It Jest seems
to him that when he gits site of a
gal wearln' one of them split
skirts that he jest caln't do a
thing with his eye glass. It’s
mighty embarrassin’ to Phil.
When I wuz walkin’ home froir
the express offls Saterday nlte
carryln’ a basklt, m what I told
Rev. Tubbs, who caught up with
me. wuz Hubbard squash, a dern
fool dog cum runnln’ down the
street and hit agin the basklt. and
the pesky things rattled.
THE MORNING SMILE
Wex Jones, Editor
Voi. n.
Atlanta, Sunday, September 7, 1913.
No. 39.
Police Do^s
Marvelous Work Done by the
Highly Trained Sleuths.
BY KARL KUMYESS.
K UCHENBRENNER, Aug. 80.—
To-day I saw the trials of
the famous German police dogs.
A man was shot—a wooden
bullet being used so that he
wouldn’t be hurt too much—and
Hans, a Potsdam police pup, was
released. He rushed up to the
Injured man, but the moment the
(log’s keen nose told him the bul
let was of wood, not lead, the
Intelligent animal refused to par
ticipate further. Hans knew
there was some fake about the
affair.
Next, Fritz, a Hamburg hound,
was put on the trail of a fleeing
burglae.
Fritz followed the man to a
barn where his quarry was In
hiding. As the dog could not
gnaw through the door, he set
Are to the barn, and In a moment
the flames drove ont the burglar.
The dog chased him five miles
down the road, but could not gain
on the fugitive. Accordingly
Fritz barked up a taxi and bit
the chauffeur savagely until the
man started his car after the
burglar, who was caught after »
brief chase.
Anotber burglar fired a revol
ver at Karl, a Koenlgsburg cop
hound, but the active and cagey
animal caught the bullet in its
teeth, thus saving himself from
injury, and holding the bullet as
evidence
Karl got first prize.
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT.
Don’t pose as "September
Mem'' unions the water's warm.
In the Smile’s
Letter-Box
VEGETABLES.
"TO THE EDITOR.—Is there
^ any excuse for oyster plant
EPICURE.
[Yes, Just the
eame as there le
for egg plant—•
Ed.]
Graft.
A TRUE FRIEND.
TO THE EDITOR.—Scene.
Country churchyard. Village
miser In tears at funeral of vil
lage failure Minister to Miser—
Ton seem deeply affected by the
death of our poor friend Smith.
Miser—Yes, I thought a lot of
poor Smith. Why, he never
asked me for the loan of a single
dollar, although I knew the poor
fellow was practically starving
to death.
BILLY MULHALL.
ODDITIES IN THE NEWS
Huerta of Mexico.
Passaic bulldog named Citron
John cultivates a sour expression,
but has no use for lemons.
Texas man married a waitress
because she brought him his chop
on a really hot plate.
Woman refused to live In
America because the Statu® ot
Liberty hasn’t a slit skirt
Man with a wooden leg. be
cause be lives on a Nevada forest
reservation, comes under the
jurisdiction of the Government
forest patrol. He Is Included In
the Department of Agriculture's
conservation scheme.
DID YOU KNOW THAT--
It would take an awful bunch
of credentials to get an explorer
anything around Copenhagen?
Apples should always be grown
with the pips Inside.
England has a new poet lau
reate ?
It’s hardly necessary to drag
In the word laureate?
A snail sniffs at a swallow aa
being “too fast”?
The automatic piano must
look upon a regular piano as an
awlul loateri
l
ON 8TINQ8.
TO THE EDITOR.—How can
you tell a hornet from a house
fly?
VERAX.
[Let both sting
you. Tho ono
that makes you
"yump” l.s tho
horn at.—Ed.]
LIFE.
TO THE EDITOR.—This is a
funny life. We don’t know where
we came from. We don’t know
where we're going. Odd. very.
THELMA B.TESSEN.
[Some of us
don’t even know
we’re on our way.
^ d ’l 1
SOME RLACK-FACE VAUDEVILLE FUN BY
Swor and Mack
Copyright 1*1* by the Star Company. Oreat Britain Right* Reeerred.
S WOR—Seen dat new lion dey got out In de zoo yet?
MACK—Seed him yes'day. While ah’s lookin’ In de csge ah see
de cage cleaner come roun’. Ah say to him:
"Mlstuh, ain’t you ’fr&ld of dat new big llonf
“You mean dat big one?” he say.
“Yes, dat great big one—gosh, he mnst hare big teeth 1 Ain’t you
nervous when he prowl back of dose bars 7”
"You mean dat BIG one?"
"Yes, de BIG one I Why. man, what would you do If dat lion should
bite off a hole In dem bars an’ chase aftuh you?”
"You mean that new lion—dat very BIGGEST one?"
"Yes. Jest s’pose he bit his way out of dat cage an' got you whar
you am?"
"Yon mean got me whar ah WAS?"
"Well, sp'ose he DID chew his way out an’ made fo’ you—dat big
one ah means”
Dat cage cleanuh look at me an’ den he look at de lion—de big one—-
an' he say:
"If he DID chaw his -ray ont an’ take aftuh me—well MONKEYS
ain’t nevuh done NUTHIN’ In trees—YET!”
Den he tell me ’bout a Russian bear dat broke out of a cage aftuh
him. Said dat he was trabhlln’ wid de John R. Robinson show, ’an he
was de third keeper. One lght In New Orleans de circus was ovah
an’ some one fo’ a Joke turned de latch on dat Russian bear’j cage.
"Did you run ?” ah say to him.
"RUN ?t—Say, man, when ah slowed up to ketch mah breath ah had
run so fas’ an' so FAR, dat a nickel- mo’ would have run me right lntub
Cine nattuh!”
Say, did you know ah once trabbled wid an animal show!
SWOR—You did?
MACK—Sure, but dey fired me.
SWOR—Why?
MACK—’Cause ah cut a big hole an' also a little hole In do parti
tion of de big cage fo' de tigress an’ her cub to get Intuh de othuh side
of de oagel Ah tried farmin’ aftuh dat, but ah give dat up, too.
SWOR—Why?
MACK—'Cause ah soon found dat a farmer can’t plough his fields
by turnin’ 'em over In his mind onlyl
SWOR—Well, you am well off at dat. Ah heard dat you have come
Into a large landed property
MACK—An’ ah’m sorry to tell you dat It am groundless!
SWOR—Poor Bill Simpkins got hanged de other day.
MACK—He was game dat man. Why, he chaff wid do men on de
scaffold.
SWOR—What he do?
MACK—Why, de sheriff he go up to Bill an’ he say:
“Wlllyum. have you- got anything to say why sentence of death should
not be passed agin you?’’
BUI he look like he was ’noyed an’ he say right back to de sheriff-
"Hay, looka here, sheriff, dls Joke have been carried quite far enough
already, so, If you please, we will drop de subject"
SWOR—An’?
MACK— Mediately!
1
Qo to It, Geraldine!
Copyright, IMS by the Btar Company. Great Britain Right* Reserved.
W E admit the cause ha* been a bit neglected of late, Geraldine, but
somehow the cards didn’t run Just exactly right or we got switched
off onto Full style* and mixed up with the X-ray gown or some
thing. But we have accomplished much, as It is. and since we have
landed Jobs as theatre ushers, Chicago copesses, and are well under way
toward the orgauizutlon of the United Lady Boiler Workers of the World,
there Is no reason we can see why you should not hold down a Job as motor
lady or conductress If your dear little heart beats that way. We are going
to be Just too perfectly dear for anything and see that It Is fixed up sweetly
for you, Including an embroidery outfit which you can keep handy In some
cozy little niche on the rear platform. Ding ding, the next stop Is Mile.
Marie's hairdressing psrlors—ten minutes’ stop for the convenience of lady
patrons. Madam, the last three seats for smoking, please. Pawdon? Yea,
you wUl find hairpins in the little box behind each seat
Yes, Geraldine, we have thrown ourselves heart and soul Into your
campaign and have already made several calls to ascertain what may be
done to hasten the matter. The B R. T. seems all to the muffins about It,
but says that, of course. It stands to reason that all the girls cannot have
Coney Island runs with hot popcorn at the other end.
But It Is willing to compromise, and suggeats that It seems feasible
to permit you to entertain male company on the platform between the
hours of 8 and 11 p. m.
It la but s step further, as you see, to connect a chafing dish with the
controller—and there you are.
Ding-ding, and as I said before, I
said to Tillle 1 said I’d get right
out of their horrid old union and
Join the one Sadie 8mlth la start
ing. Pardon me—this person—
what's that? Oh, how did I know
you wanted to got off at that ugly
old corner! Ding-ding. As I was
saying
Naturally It Is not going to be
the smoothest thing In the world
to land you at the height of your
soul’s desire as a fare collector or
motorette. Certain soundings must be made 1b the home circle For te-
Ktnnce. your lesser half must be won over to the side of Justice. We would
suggest that you start a little chat with him some evening about how hard
he must be worked at the office, and In that way gradually lead up to the
question as to whether he would be willing to comb the children's hair and
carry your supper to the car barn.
We have drawn up a set of rules, merely In the rough, copies of which.
If neatly framed, would make the sweetest boudoir decorations.
Conductoresses will be polite on all occasions, rendering any assist
ance necessary to gentlemen with small children.
Geutlemen will always be cautioned by employes not to alight from the
car backwards.
Conductoresses and motorettes will not talk more than Is possible.
Employes will not file nails en route, as parlors with capable manL
enres are maintained at the various barns.
Tea will be served at the end of each trip in the bine room
When a passenger complains of going three blocks pus£ destination an
employe should not say, “I ghouia worry,”
i N