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TIE AH ST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN. ATLANTA. HA.. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21. 1013.
Jeff as a Terror When He Gets Started
By
“Bud” Fisher
Copyright. 1913. by the Star Company. Grqp Hrltaln Rights K^urved
^tJoo HOO ' i>AY
MUTT K &UY DOW
5TKJEET OUi»T Kir Mb
tW TK6 feYC
YlUtD OF GUTi IMPOSlMt
ON YOU OUJ.T ftt<Aui£ rou'Rt
LlTTLe. I'LL, do Down fSNC)
t„^ t (, uyi l<eNj oFF
rH6 mnd of a pai J-
fm > flu
*£•
MUTT'i A EILfcTTY
GOOD OLD FR.I6ND AT
THAT. HE. 6EfVTS Mfe uP 1
?>UT HF WON'T LET AMTBOOT ]
tube do it.
SAY! you nrrot simp you OOdnr S
lo L.E AS.MAM6D OF YOUH56LF. THAT fcuY '
AIN'T A% OK. AS> YOU Ag.6.. NOW TOO do l
out YOL»ft.»fcLF And Get that (Sink
ALONeo'L.' NtMfeP s—
DAk-LfcN '-HIS J <£•
DOOR- Afe«
THe LITYve GINR UjHO hit
JCFF l-bNl'T HALFAi 5'fc AS
himself. ud Get pinched p ok
Mup-oe*. IF T ’D HIT HIM.
JfcFF Ia/ILL. e>EftT him EASY
ln/eLl, 1 CERTAINLY
Got euest with him.
T'U SET HE NEyEEL
f m/WAT DID
1 CAUGHT a moth )
And threw it
Xoas Fun irom HEARST’S MAGAZINE
Reprinted by Permission from the Current (December) Number of HEARST’S MAGAZINE
E WOLF
DE WOLF
HOPI’EH.
la to Laugh.
HOPPER
nays this Is true:
"A man excit
edly rushed Into
the office of a
dentist ’ Do you
give gas here?’
cried he.
“ ‘Certainly,’ re
plied the dentist
“ ’Does It put
one to sleep?'
" ’Yes,’ said the
dentist.
“ ‘Could you
break his Jaw or
blacken his eyes
and he wouldn’t
feel It?*
“ 'He would
certainly know it
nothing of it.’
”’How long would he sleep T
“ ‘Probably about a minute.’ re
plied the dentist.
" ‘Well, I guess that would he long
enough,’ eahl the man. 'Have you
got it all remly?’
“ ‘Certainly; tnke a seat and let
me see that tooth.'
“ ’Tooth nothing!' cried the man.
removing his coat, 'I want a poroua
plaster pulled off my back.’ ’’
A ugustus thomas looked
thoughtful as he helped him
self to a tempting bit of French
pastry.
“What Is it. Gun? Out with It!”
abjured a fellow diner at the famous
board on the Lambs’ Club, in New
York.
“I was only thinking.” responded
the noted playwright “of what hap
pened to me In Paris, oue day. 1
wa» finishing off with pastry In a
restaurant where I frequently dined
when In Paris, and 1 became con
siderably Interested In the little boys
In white caps and aprons »ho de
liver the goods of the pastry-cooks.
"One morning one of these boys
brought me some eakee, and 1 aald to
him:
“ 'Do you like the oake*. young
man?’
“He stared at me but gave me no
answer.
“ ‘I suppose you get the benefit
of one of these cakes yourself some-
uaw>. Oya t Lw*b
“Tardon, sir, I don’t understand,’
he said.
’"Why, you est a cake now and
then, don’t you?’ I said trying to
make myself clear.
’’’Oh, eat them, sir?’ he responded,
a light breaking over his face. ’No,
Indeed, sir, that wouldn't do at all.
I only lick them as I come along,
sir.” "
F rancis .burton harrison,
who comes from sn old Vir
ginia family, and Is to he Governor
of the Philippines, tells this story.
"Down In n Southern town where
I onced lived there was an old color
ed man named Uncle Samp, who
wns the owner of a mule. He had
more respect for thRt mule than he
had for any person.
"Ope day the mule was missing
Uncle Samp was about craiy. Al
though he searched everywhere the
mule whs not to be found. Finally,
when night came, and brought no
signs of the animal. Uncle Samp,
was ready to collapse with grief.
"’Uncle Samp,’ I said, In an effort
to console him, ’I'll tell you what to
first time that day, he smiled.
'"Well, sah,’ he said, Mat mule
ob mine am cert’nly a powahfu!
smaht anlmlle, as I’se tillers de
clared. Rot smaht ns be Is. sah, be
can't read de newspapahsl" ’
RANK B KELLOG. President
•I" 1 of the American Bar Associa
tion, tells the story of a forlorn man
W. >1. i MASK.
He I’ahita.
Kll.lMi REI.LOU,
Lawyer*’ |»re*le.
who was brought before a western
magistrate, charged with drunkeness
and disorderly conduct. When asked
what he had to say for himself he
gazed pensively at the Judge and
launched forth:
“Your honor, ‘man's Inhumanity to
man makes countless thousands
mourn.’ I’m not so debased as Swift,
ns profligate as Byron, an dissipated
as Poe, or as debauched as—”
“That will do,” thundered the
magistrate*
“Thirty days, and officer, tuke a
list of those names and run ’em in.
They're as bad a lot as he is.”
US THOM \S.
Flay -Mnkrr.
do
r. m rt
HARRISON.
I‘‘r»f Old Ylrgfnny
Just advertise for the mule.’
"'What's dat?' queried Uncle Bam.
"'Advertise for him,' 1 explained.
'Have a piece put In the paper say
ing he bus been lost. 1 believe that
will bring him back If anything
will.'
Uncle Samp looked at me for a
mouuigl ui surprise, then, for the
W LI JAM M CHASE, whose name
has ever stood for artistic
achievement, figures amusingly In a
transaction concerning himself and
an unartistio Congressman who owns
a bad painting.
"Isn’t that grand?" the latter re
marks when pointing out his pur
chase. “A great bargain, too. Got
it for four hundred dollars, and Wil
liam M Chase says It Is worth ten
Uiousaud dollars.”
A friend of the painter heard this
statement, and took it to Chase who
smilingly explained:
“He cornered me one day and
wanted me to fix a value on It. but
I told him 1 couldn't do it. He then
came at me with a question I couldn't
dodge:
" ’Well, Mr. Chaee, how much
would you charge to pelnt a plo-
ture like that?’
“I assured him most earnestly that
I wouldn't paint one like It for ten
thousand dollars.”
J OHN L. M’NAB, United States
District Attorney, tells an amus
ing story of a politician who oame
from the country to a Western
city for a day’s stay. He went to
one of the popular hotel and reg
istered, but was Invited out to dine
at the home of a friend When his
bill wns presented to him, he found
the charge was for a day's board.
Including dinner. He protested
vigorously. The genial clerk ex>
plained to him
that the Ameri
can plan was
based strictly ou
time, and that
the fact that he
had chosen to
dine elsewhere
had no effect up
on the charge.
He paid the bill,
very much dis
satisfied. Then. \
finding that meats {
were still being
served, he hur-
rled Into one of
the dining rooms,
hastily seized the
menu card, and jimvSY sttaii.
ordered a very *• *• *■*>*>*»•
suptuous repast, In an effort to “get
even.” Finally he finished, and the
waiter handed him a check for nine
dollars.
“What this for?’’ he demanded.
"Your dinner, sir," replied the
waiter.
"Dinner!” he exolalmed. Indig
nantly. “I have already paid for
my dinner In my bill. I am stay
ing here on the American plan.”
“Then, sir," said the waiter,
quietly, “you should have gone In
to the other dining-room. This is
the European plan tale." ,
The Week’s Fun
Opulent, ISIS, by tHe Star Oompsny Great Britain Rlglita Rraanad.
Her Usual Query.
\ N elderly maiden In a New England village who Is always sent for
by nephews and pieces when Interesting events occur In their
households, had occasion to visit a dentist accompanied by a
friend, another spinster. Gas was administered, and as the patient was
coming out from Its Influence, the friend and the dentist were horrified
by the maiden s excited exclamation:
“Oh, doctor! Is It a boy or a girl?”
A Superfluous Question.
A CHICAGO lawyer recently received a call from a very well-
groomed, stylish young person.
"Sir,” said she, "I am In gTeat distress.”
"Rlease state your case, Miss."
"The difficulty i3 this: I have received three proposals of marriage,
mid I do not know which to accept.” t
After a painful pause, the lawyer, more In facetlooaness than any
king else, asked:
"Which man has the most money?"
The young woman shrugged her Bhoulders. "Do you Imagine," sh«
asked, ’’that If I knew 1 would consult you or any other lawyer?"
A Chilling Grace.
T HE leading church of a certain town in Indiana recently acquired
as its pastor a grave and solemn divine from Boston.
Shortly after his arrival the new minister dined with the town’s
leading merchant. The effect upon the family of the Bostonian’s solemn
demeanor Is best evidenced by a remark In regard thereto made by the
eight year-old boy of the house.
That night, as the lad’s mother was bidding him good-night, he said: !
”Ma, It took a long time, didn’t It, to feel cheerful again after Dr,
Blank had said grace?”
“Either Way.”
A CHRTA1N colored family of Atlanta was greatly cast down by
the long-continued illness of the head thereof; but they were
unable to extract much information In the matter from the
quaint old family physician, whose vagaries they had put up with foi
yeurs.
One day the mother made a last attempt to get some definite an
nouncement from the doctor, "lio you really think he will recover?”
tie was asked.
“Well,” said the doctor, clearing his throat and assuming a most
solemn air, *‘I know how you feel with the winter cornin’ on and allj but
it's too soon yet to tell. He may get well, and then again, ho may
not; 1 can't encourage you yet, either way.”
“I
An Optimist.
r.N a Baltimore restaurant.” said a New Yorker, "I encountered a
colored waiter who certainly had a faculty for looking on the
bright side.
"One hot afternoon 1 entered the place where this man works, an
establishment noted for the excellence of Its sea food. I ordered soft-
shell crabs. When they caqne I was not particularly struck with them.
” 'Walter,' said I, ’these crabs are very small.’
“ ‘Yessuh.’
“‘And they don't seem especially fresh.’
“ 'In dat case suh,’ suggested my servitor. In the suavest of tones,
in dat case, guh, It's lucky they is small, ain't It}’”
Play Ball!
TiOHB
Special Price
With 1
Heading
of The
American
or
Georgian
Postage Extra
With 1
Heading
of The
American
or
Georgian
Weight 30 Ounces
The Game Complete
in Every Detail
NOT a
TOY, but
a GAME
Play
Some Features of the Game
BALLS.
A batter may “get on" by
drawing four balls. Some of the
provisions In connection with a
“ball” cover a “wild pitch and
passed ball;” runner out at
tempting to steal second; runner
safe stealing second or third.
STRIKES.
A strike either may be called
or a foul. In conjunction with a
strike, a runner may be enabled
to steal home or be put out In
the effort to steal third.
OUTS.
Put-outs are indicated, such as
“third to first;” “fly to center;”
“double play, second to first,”
etc. A groan or a cheer, accord
ing to one’s sympathies, often ac
companies a double play with
one out.
HITS.
Singles, two-baggers, three-
base hits and home runs are all
provided for. Just as in the reg
ular game, three-base hits are
scarcer than two-baggers, and
home runs are not at all com
mon. Frequently a game is
played with very little hitting,
the batters going out “one, two,
three.”
SCORING.
Indicators are provided to reg
ister the rune and hits of the vis
iting team. Indicators for
strikes, balls and outs also are
provided and also an innings in
dicator for each team. Runners
on bases are also shown and the
team at bat is not overlooked.
All these devices are self-contain
ed and neither pencil nor paper
is required to score the game.
Call to-day at The American and Georgian office. If
you can’t call, ascertain from postmaster the postage on a
thirty-ounce game by parcel post from Atlanta. Send it
with 50c and one American or Georgian heading.
Hearst's Sunday American and
Atlanta Georgian
Circulation Department
20 East Alabama Street, Atlanta, Georgia
—re-