Newspaper Page Text
L
I
mmmm
7 E
TT KARST'S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA. OA.. SUNDAY. 1)I'< 'KM HER 21, IMS.
Do Your Christmas Shopping Early
By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist
A Wheeze or Two
The Wrong Hunch.
ijyES," he was saying, "as a mat-
-*- ter of fact, a man doesn’t
'■am what happiness really is, until
le is married.”
"I'm glad you’ve discovered that
it last,” replied she, with visions of
immediate proposal.
’ Yes.” he continued; "and whan
tie’s married it’s too late.”
“Well, Ikey, do yon remember
anything you learned at school
to-day’ ’
“Yes; it said in one of he
books, ‘In the bright lexicon of
you)it there is no sueh word as
‘fail.’ ”
“And 'hey teach you things
li'.e that ’”
Lcl Him Out.
I A YOUNG woman tried t" be aris-
Ca four?!if. ai'fl *li<l not look at the
money that lie save t<» Hie trnmcnr
coii 1 hie tor; hut lie meekly gnve her
bark the lozenge * o wiiieh was writ-
ten. “I’ll never < ea> ■ t<* love thee,”
find ''Hid that he was an orphan with
five littfo brothers to support, and
imust be excused.
F,n Passant.
it IN’ ve fell from a window, .terry?
A
How far was it ye fell?"
"Tin stories."
’ "Well. well, that was a great fail!
And what did ye think of on your
way down?”
"Whol. I didn't think of nothin'
until t passed th’ fifth story. Thin I
romlinhered I left me pii>e on the
window-sill.”
Impossibility.
TO man can serve two masters,'
I ■'•'observed the good parson who
I was visiting the penitentiary.
“I know it,” replied^ Convict 1313.
I'm in here for bigamy.”
That’s the Point.
HAKESPEARE says there are
^ sermons in stones.”
“And object lessons,” added the
'militant suffragette, “in windows.”
Sdop
Early—
Especially
If You’re
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
Spending
Some O Her
Person’s
Money.
Vol. IV.
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, December 21, 1918.
No. 24.
Hints for the Farmerette
By
F. P. PITZER
t
“Drop That Egg! What Do You Know About Jewelry.’
IN THE SMILE'S LETTER BOX.
f
SHORTER DAYS.
TO THE EDITOR—1 have
often wondered why the days are
shorter in Winter than in Sum
mer. In fact I have puzzled over
this problem until I am almost
dippy. So far as that goes, I may
really be dippy, for I notice
people look at me strangely as 1
iigure out this problem.
R. JAMES JAMS.
(Can the worrying
stuff. The days are
just as long in Win
ter as they are in
Summer. It gets
dark earlier, that’s
all.—Ed.)
PORTO RICO.
TO THE EDITOR—We beg to
report as follows on Porto Rico:
A. It is an island, being al
most entirely "surrounded by
casional dash of shark.
B. Porto Rico is an island.
C. As islands go, it is a very
good island.
D. Porto Rice is an Island.
E. There is a lot of water
all around Porto Rico.
THE COUNSELLOR.
THE DUKE.
Did You Know That—
e’s Your Present
No More Worry. Just Glance Over the Smile’s
List of Gifts. Mark Cross (X) Against One
You Wish to Buy. Then Go Out and Buy It.
Copyright, 1913. by Star Company. Great Britain Bights Referred
I N response to the 50,000 letters sent out by Secretary of
Agriculture Houston to the wives of farmers, requesting
suggestions as to what the department can do to help them,
several inquiries have been received by Secretary Houston which
cannot be answered Intelligently by the talent in his office, and
consequently he has forwarded them to the City Life Section for
reply. With the aid of the bucolic high brows and suburban
sages on our staff, we give the following excellent advice;
IF YOU HAVEN’T THE MONEY, MARK YOUR CHOICE ANYWAY.
IT DOESN'T COST YOU A CENT.
THIS WAY, PLEASE.
FOR HE (or him.)
f Never could remember that
grammatical fluff anyway.)
If he has whiskers, a RAZOR.
It will last longer if he doesn’t
use It, and besides, he may have
FOR SHE (or is it her?)
Charlotte Hjertberg, of Bunk Cove, interrogs: "I am a widder
and have several cows Inherited from my last and final husband,
who woke up one morning dead. I cannot sell all the milk which
they are exuding, so, therefore, I have decided to make butter
in accordance with a receipt furnished me by an Irish Swede
named Ole O'Margerine. I am too poor, however, to buy a churn
and I want to know how to make one at home. I have writ for
this information to the editor of the Christian Adviser, and to the
Epi5copallan Epoch, but evidently the editors are not familiar
with engineering. Can you help a poor widder?”
lost one of his original legs trying to kick a Federal mule in the
Civil War. While dozing In a s3w-mill the other day he absent-
mindedly flung his wooden leg onto a buzz saw, which was mara-
thoning around like a gas meter, mistaking it for the back of a
kitohen chair. The loss of this leg woke him up, and he imme
diately hopped Into the woods, sawed up the trunk of a chestnut
tree and adjusted that to his stump. Yesterday, just as he sat
down at the dining table, he Jumped up suddenly and put his hand
In his back pocket. Upon investigation we learned that the tree
trunk had sprouted and Uncle Benjamin had accidently sat down
upon a chestnut burr. What can we do to relieve Uncle? An
swer soon.’’
You can send Uncle to some nurseryman or horticulturist to h e
treated. A little pruning is al' that Is necessary. This cannot be ac
complished by feeding him on prunes. Perhaps lining his trousers with
burr lap might help.
corns.
SOAP SOUP
COAL AN EGG
CIGARS OR SMOKES
FRIED HOMINY
WOOLWORTH BUILDING
COLLAR BUTTON
TROUSERS SHOES
DIAMONDS
TWO-CENT STAMP
FOR A BOY
Silk Hat Harry has a new
one;—“Drop that egg, what do
you know about jewelry?"
('No question of grammar there, If
theref Or ain't there?
(Hang thefe grammatical prob
lems anyway.)
SLIT (to put In Skirt)
PAINTINGS by Rembrandt, or
Howard Chandler, Christy
Mathewson.
POWDER (gun or talcum)
CANARY
VACUUM BROOM HUSBAND
A VOTE
GRILLED ICE CREAM
SHOE LACES
A COUGH DROP
LIMOUSINE THE EARTH
It will afford us great pleasure, madam, to give you the information
asked, for we believe In that old adage, "One good churn deserves an
other.” By explicitly following out the Instructions given below a vary
handy, ornamental and substantial churn can be made at home.
First, get three high silk tiles and cut the brims from ail of them
and the top -from one of them. Take one with the top on and place it
upon your floor with the bowl facing the ceiling. This will be the bottom
of your churn. Then take a tile with the brim and top cut off, and use
that for a middle piece, fl*flng it on to the base hat as you would two
pieces of stovepipe. Then fit the third hat on to these two, making sure
that the top of this third hat laces the ceiling. In the centre of this
cut a hole. Then saw the handle from your broom and tack to the bottom
of it a phonograph disk. Your churn is now complete and it has not
cost you more than twenty or twenty-five dollars.
MICKEY’S XMAS
Copyright. 1313. by the Star Comp
I WON’T get no presents.
’Cause I ain’t got no dad.
Nor Christmas tree, nor stockin'*
Chee! I wisht I had!
(treat Britain Rights Reserved.
I hands the “Merry. Merry!”
Even to the cops
FOR A GIRL
Snow is white because—well
because there is nc color in it?
RIFLE (the utility of this de
pends on the kind of elghbors
you nave.)
Mars is said to be 'inhabited
and none of its inhabitants has
ever contradicted the rumor?
water, in which there is au oc-
Owlng to the high price of
eggs, omelettes are now made of
gravel? *
GUN
AIRGUN
SWORD
BULLETS
DRUM
DYNAMITE
PISTOL
REVOLVER
SPEAR
CARTRIDGES
BUGLE
BOMB
(or for THE girl, If you have
one. F. 8.—WUh we had
one owreelves.)
No use putting anything In
this list. She’ll tell you herself
what she wants. Y’ou may not
know that she does, but it’s a
fac’ all the same.
Sarah Williams, of Giggle Gorge, Kentucky, scribbles:
can I get a well on my dry land?’’
’How
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH
HINT.
Shop early.
Easy. Go to some large manufacturing town like Pittsburgh, or
Gowanus, and while no one Is looking swipe one of the brick chimneys
from a factory. Une about forty feet high, of good Philadelphia brick
will do. When yon get this home stand it on the spot where the well Is
desired, and with a pile driver, which any nearby contractor will be glad
to loan you, hammer the thing into the ground, leaving about three feet
of it sticking out on which to hang the old oa ken buck-kuk-ket, that
mo-hoss co-hovered buck-kuk-it. Let yourself down into this well and
with a sponge probe for water. Do tbis all winter until spring comes.
There is nothing better than spring water for a well. Bht if you spring
water on a Kentucky resident trouble is likely to start unless the water
's accompanied by a piece of soap.
Some kids wak-s up early
To find out w’at they got!
An’ count to see how many!
Chee! They're lucky! Wat?
I’ve put off punchin' Muggsy,
The guy I'm goin’ to lick,
’1 ill Christmas Day is over—
He hit me wid a brick.
But, anyway. I’m happy.
Y’u can’t help feelin’ gay.
The Christmas Spirit grabs y u.
I don’t expect no ice skates
Nor coastin’ sleds, because
It’s only swell guys that stands in
Wit’ Mister Santa Claus
An’ makes y’u feel that way.
Everybody's jolly:
The stores is full of toys.
An’ Christmas trees, with candy
An’ things fer other boys.
He don’t come down our alles.
He hardly could get t’rough.
An' den he’s much too busy
Up on the a'venoo.
I feel so kind a diff’runt
Wen Christmas lime is here!
I can’t be blue because it’s cold.
I'm hoistin' wit’ good cheer 1
Don’t get the wrong impression,
1 hat I’m a kickin', see!
That baby stuff’s rer pikers.
An’ cryin’s nix wit’ me!
fjyrj Jansen, of Shingletop, writes; "My Uncle Benjamin
It sorter seems, at Christmas,
My sciappin’ blood just stops.
But if you're rich an’ lucky.
Wit’ more than you need, say,
E-member that it’s Christmas.
An’ slip some Mickey’s wayl
r
1
'j
i
»
n
- 1 it
£1