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THE GEORGIAN’S N
Up-to-Date
Jokes
"You naughty, cruel boy!” said the
verj fashionably dressed young wom
an, who was taking a stroll in the
park, (o the urchin whom she found
despoiling a bird's nest. "How can
you be so heartless as to take those
eggs? Think of the poor mother-bird
when she comes back and
"That's all right, miss,” interrupted
the boy; "the mother-bird is dead.”
The young woman’s expression re
flected disbelief.
"How do you know?” she asked,
sharply.
" 'Cos I sees 'er on your 'at,” was
the reply.
* * *
The cabby regarded with a gleam
of delight the taxi which had broken
down, but did not speak.
The chauffeur began operating on
his machine. He turned and twisted
it, and banged it, but to no avail, and
still the cabby spoke not. Then the
chauffeur wiped his brow, and the
cabby, still with the gleam in his eye,
crossed over.
“ ’Ere,” he exclaimed, grimly, hold
ing out his whip. "’Ere yer are, mis
ter; ‘it 'irn with this.”
* * *
That is a good story which has been
told about Cecil Rhodes and the but
tons of his jacket. A habit with him
was to make a particular coat so
much a favorite that he -would wear
it every day.
One coat which had been through
this ordeal tie sent at last to the tailor
to be cleaned and mended, and he got
back the reply:
“We regret that all we can do with
the garment is to make a new coat to
match the buttons.”
of cake, lady, to
hasn't had a bite
was the unusual re-
a disreputable-looking
“Have you a piece
give a poor man who
for two days?”
quest made by
tramp.
"Cake?” said the woman, in sur
prise, “Isn’t bread good enough for
you?” She looked at him coldly, but
he did not flinch.
“Ordinarily, yes ma’am; but this Is
my birthday!” explained the tramp.
* * *
During a football match in the North
a spectator persisted in making loud
remarks about the conduct of the ref
eree. At last the official went up to
him and said:
“Look here, my man, I’ve been watch
ing you for about the last fifteen min
utes!”
“Ah thowt so,” came the scathing
reply—“Ah thowt so! Ah knew varry
weel tha wasn’t watching t’ game!”
jubilant
hubby’s
Mrs. Newlywed was fairly
over her first pie. It was
duty to sample it.
“Your motheT never baked your fath
er a pie like that, did she, darling?”
said she, as poor hubby tried to eat it.
“No, dear,” he replied. “Father is
still alive and hearty.”
“Yes,” said the meek looking man,
‘T’ve no doubt you’ve had some great
hunting experience in your travels
abroad.”
"1 have, -indeed.”
“Buffalo hunting”
“Yes.”
“And bear bunting”
“Of course.”
“Well, you let my wife take you house
hunting experiences in your travels
Then you’ll begin to know- what real
excitement is.”
* * *
“You are absolutely impossible, El
len,” said the mistress of the house,
who was a notorious fault-finder. ”]
thought you said you were a lady’s
maid ?”
“And so I was, ma’am,” calmly re
plied the girl, “until I came to work
for you!”
* * *
Mr. Lloyd George has been telling
seme stories bearing- on his own un
popularity with his political oppo
nents. One of them is about a man
who was presented with a testimonial
for saving someone from drowning.
The hero modestly deprecated the
rraises showered upon him.
"Really, I have done very little to
rfeserie this reward,” he said. “I saw
the man struggling in the water, and,
as no one else was by, I knew he
would be drowned if I didn’t save
him. So I jumped in, swam out to
him, turned him over to make sure
he wasn’t Lloyd George, and
pulled him out.”
• • •
that
then
Maiden—“What’s this ‘trough of
the sea’ we read about?”
Forney—"Oh, I guess that it is
wl.at the ocean gTeyhounds drink out
of."
• * •
Yes, gentle reader, the carabao
Is strictly a water buffalo.
t
Might call the America cup
defender something like The
Newest Nail.
* • *
England is shy 500,000 babies,
-says Lord Rosebery. The care
lessness of those English nurse
girls.
* * *
San Domingo objects to “obser
vation” of its elections. Very
strange if the Dominicans court
ed observation. Few murderers
do.
* * *
Mexican revolutionists are said
to be using cannon balls made of
silver. The odds against the
mor, however, are more than
to 1.
* * *
"Lucille,” said a haughty lady.-
"Yes. madam,” the maid answered.
"Look out of the window and see if
ny person is using the ocean. If not,
may bathe.”
ru-
16
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e Weekly Georg
BRINGING UP FATHER
FATHER - DEAR
I HAD A STATUE
OP THE VfMU^> OF
J^U.0 SENT HERE
C.CM& * WILL TOO
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IT COMELY 0
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You KNOW?
the. wat
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daughter?
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r
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that statue
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the nan V
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^JAIF^ WITH
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'Told Ml AM'
DO THE
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MADl IT A
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UP iM I
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Be
Still Room for Reform.
"Samuel,” said Mrs. Sternwife, “you
have not yet told me what good re
solve you have made since your birth
day.”
“Why, my dear,” protested Sam,
“you know that I have no small vices
or bad habits at all. Don’t you know 7
that you have induced me to stop
card playing and smoking and drink
ing and going- out at nights, and
everything else I used to think that
I wanted to do?”
“Yes, my dear,” answered Mrs.
Sternwife; “but it sometimes seems
to me that you read the advertise
ments of liquors and cigars with a
sinful satisfaction. It would be better
for you if you should sternly and
firmly resolve to shun them here
after.”
And poor Samuel shrank farther
and farther into the nice new house
coat that she had made for him from
her dolman.
See that 1920 is the tercentena
ry- of the Plymouth Rock. Thought
the Leghorn was the oldest breed.
Starting- Result;
A butcher whose business
steadily declining, owing ch
rival having set up on th
side of the street, confided 1
ister that he saw nothing
to close his shop and leave t
The clergyman suggested
baps he had not made seri
to retain the trade; but the l