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FAPMER 8c HOUSEKEEPER.
How bleat lathe farmer’* simple life!
How pure tbe joy it yields !
Far from tbe world's tempestuous strife,
Free ’mid the scented tieMe.-—fc’rerrf/.
SiHstK f Naire la Bara Yards.
MsUss op Composts.- We once bad an
ecceotric friend who instated upon wearing tbe
nap, or soft aide of hia stocking toward hi* foot,
or what is usually called wrong tide out. He
insisted upon it, that the stocking would wear
for a longer time, and that as he had morn re.
apect for hia foot than hia boot, he should so
continue to wear hit- stockings. When asked
why others did not follow hi* plan, be answer*
ed, that they followed example rather than to
take the trouble to think. Is it noUso with our
farmers, in permiting manures to tie continual
ly exposed on the surface of an open ground ?
When they cart out manure* to spread on
ground before plowing, they are always an.
sious to sp£#ad on more than they can ploW un.
der tbe An* day, to prevent loss by evaporation
and rtiti are willing to leave it exposed'all win.
tertocontinued evaporation. And not only do
they lose the Volatile patt of tbe manure by such
exposete, bat tbe of the cattle upon it
iscpritinually displacing atmosphere from be
tweet Ibe particle*, and enabling .mg quali
ties to enter lor further evaporation.** All the
liquid iMaurei* lost in an accelerated rate by
~bwng kept in continual motion, not only by tbe
feel of entile,'smjl by capillary attraction from
straw, corn-stalks, dec. Notwithstanding that
it haw been clearly established that seventy-live
per cent, oi the value of manures is lost by such
treatment still tbe practice is adhered to with,
out change. Instead of such exposure and loss
of manyrq.uvhy not build sheds fencing the barn
'yhrd to bold manures, and throw the quantity
produced under these sheds each morning be.
fore the sun has full power upon it, and by there
mixing it with muck, headleads, or any other
divisor, increase the quantity of manure in ad.
dition lion to the saving of 75 per cent., by pre.
venting evaporation. Every one who has tried
it, know* that one load of frr*h manure mixed
with several loads of muck or even headland,
undercover*, will cause each load of the mass
to become equal to its bulk of clear manure for
purpose* of fertilisation, and that this arise*
from the escaping gases given off from tbe ma
nure during fermentation, being absorbed by
the divisor ; and still we see farmers continu
ing this barn-yard deposit notwithstanding the
fact that in many cases they are compelled to
buy manures in the spring. Let them, if they
will continue tbe barn.syatcm, at lead! thrpw
murk, charcoal dust, gypsum, or all three of
them, on the surface of the ground each day af
ter cleaning up the yaM, and thus save a Ur.
ger proportion of the liquid manure* by retain,
ing the ammonia. We have found that by pin.
cing proper absorbents to our ox, cow and
horse stables, so as to receive the fluid manures
before they lose the animal heat, that eighteen
loads of muck may readily bn used wiih every
toad of fresh manure, thus giving us nineteen
times tbe hulk of manures that we should havo
on the old system, and even with aurh divisor
the heat of our manure heaps is fully sufficient
for the purposes of decomposition ; but out cat.
tie do one *•* Wrg. In a barn yard, nor do
we believe it necessary for their health that
they do so. For workiug cattle ezercise is un
necessary, and for air, a well-regulated stable,
having *i%#cape for the gases from manures,
furnish b tier air than a putrid and ofTcn.
sive barn-yard. If the object be to fatten cattle
it has long been decided that they fatten more
readily without a continuous motion than with
it, and for milch cows, tbe stall system cannot
be doubted as being the most economical both
a* relate* to the quantity of milk and food, as
well as the saving of manure.
A moderate quantity of salt should be used in
the manure or compost heap. It is well known
that although a large quantity of sail will pre
vent active fermentation, still a moderate quail,
tity will accelerate decomposition and at the
same time, destroy the seeds of many kinds of
weeds, grubs, dsc.
Farmers who raise wheat, rye, corn, oats,
barley, clover, turnips, and potatoes, should ei.
ther have in their soil or add to their compost
heaps a variety of inorganic ingredients which
these crops contain. 7’hus, if after having an
analysis of their soil, they should find it to cou.
tain potash, soda, lime, magnesia, phosphoric
acid, sulphuric acid, soluble silicates, chloride*
and anotized matters, then they may raise any
or all tbe crops before named, by only adding
ao much manure as will supply tbe carbonace.
•us *ubstance required, or if the soil be well
tilled, this carbon will be supplied from the car
bonic acid of the atmosphere.
But should any ol these ingredients be miss,
ing from the soil and not be contained in the
manure used, the crops for which it is required
cannot possibly succeed, however rich the toll
may be in other ingredient*.
Working Farmer.
from the National ItUtUigtnetr,
NaufaeUrlßgla the Sontb.~ranitfviiif.
Kill wood, S. C. April 28,1849.
Allow me space in your column* fora few
word* upon (hi* tuhjoct, Which 1 hop* may bo
intaretting to moat ofyoyr reader*, although, a*
B writer, I am much bettor known to the read,
•ra of agricultural paper* than I am to political
I have juat vitited one of the finest new Cotton
Facto tie* in all the SoAh. and taken all in alt,
one of the neatest and best establishments 1 havo
over seen any when. Itis located in Edgefield
Diatrict, S. C. twela mi lea northeaat of Augusta,
and about aixty hiiles touthwest of Columbia,
Upon a nUI durable stream that here tumble*
ov#r the lowest ridge of granite in the State, and
istwo atoriea high, throe hundred and fifty feet
wide. The line of front is broken by projecting
buttresses, through which ‘-are the entrances,
and without appearing large, afford ample room*
for stairways to the second story ; and, rising in
a balcony room above the eye*, also affords a
stairway and entrance into the cock.loft, which
tyjkted in the root and i* nearly equal to a
The water is brought in amUe-long Canal, I
and fells upon two wheels from a forty feet head.
-The cotton is taken into a warehouse from
wagon* in the street, and passe* some hundred
fsat from there on a railroad into the picker-room
Is a stone building separate from the main one,
and from thence, by the gradual stages of menu-
MfttM, upon the most beautiful aM perfect raa
drfaaiy that modem ingenuity end Yankee skill
ean fashion, through the entira length of the boil,
dfag, and out at the other cad ia cloth, and up ,
j and away in the atore bouse, corresponding that
of the cotton-bouse, but well away, to make all
safe from fire. Most of the machinery I# now in
operation. When all is complete there will be
9,345 spindles and 300 looms, all operated by
three hundred men, girls, and boys, from twelve |
years up, and whose wages average now three
dollar* a week, most of them working by tbe
piece. They are all natives of the‘piney woods,’
except a few experienced overseers and tuperin
tendents.
Tbia mill will consume about lea bale* a day
and turn out ten or twelve thousand yhrds ®f
thirty and thirty.six inch No. 14 shirtmg and
drillings. |
The memthly statement ending April 14 thMee.
$1,996 63 paid for labor. ■
160 00 “ “ I*o gallons oil. I
8800 “ “ 1,600 lbs. starch, f
13 00 “ “ sundry supplies.
2,951 87 •• “ 86,416 lbs. of cotton, at 6|o.
. • - mm I II- ■
86,400 98
’ ** t Goode manufactured in the tame.
iriaa, pieces 4-4 sheeting, weighing 13,470
lbs,, irf38,449 yards, and cost for labor 2 6514-
1000 twills per yard, and for stock 2 084-1000
mile* par yard, total.
2,000 piece* 7-8 shirtings, 26x369 lbs J 87,689
yards, and coat.JL’WWOOOmills per yar 1 for la
bor, and 2 571-wUO mills per yard for a lock, or
total, 4 822-1000 mill*.
The building is warmed by steam ant lighted
with oil. *
Labor it all paid monthly in esab. There
are eigbty-three dwelling*, a hotel, a saw mill
and grist mi%Md all needed out-buildings, and
schoolhouse, ana two of tbe neatest and'prettiest
little gothichurches ever seen embowered in the
aey-wootf forest ; and a tract ol nine thousand
6s of land, including another mill site, all of
which has cost the company 8300,000.
Most of the dwellings are two.story, with por
tico and handsome front yards and gardens, and
large enough to give good room for a large fam
ily. For small families there are number* of
snug little cottages, ail painted like blue granite
and hence the name of Granileville. The whole
conception and finish appears to be due to the
active inind of the President of the company,
Wm. Gregg, Esq., whom I regret I did not see.
As 1 am travelling slowly in my own carriage
(as 1 have been for six months.) viewing ail that
t find interesting, as connected with my agricul
tural tour through South, it will bo some
weeks before I reach Washington; but then, if
not before; I will try to write a more interesting
sketch.
During my journey I have had great opportu
nities to see negro slavery as it is, and am free
to say that all the objections 1 ever had to the in
stitution must give way to the strong arguments
of light and reason, that, at least to the ucg.o.
it brings a thousand blessings to one curse. 1
could tell you facts about the situation of three
hundred slaves upon the plantation of Col. Wade
Hampton, where 1 now write this, that would
go show the condition of these people to lie al
most inconceivably better than that of thousands
of white ‘tree men’ throughout all this region—
the same class of people whence Col. Gregg
has drawn his factory operatives, because they
are found to he cheaper than blacks; and for an
obvious reason, there are no children, old, sick,
or infirm to be supported. They aro free,
which also means free to starve if unable to work;
while the slave is always provided for at bis mas
ter’s expense.
The damage done by the late frost you can
hardly form an idea of unless you were here to
<•. ‘!’*>• ootton crop must be greatly uioruo
ed, for tfcts scarcity of seed to replant re very
great, while all that was above the ground has
I been killed. In additition there has been no
rain for five weeks, and of course the replant
cannot vegetate. Fruit has been almost entire
ly killed. The persimmon and some of the oaks
areas dry as in midwinter. Corn was much of
it killed a little below the surface of the ground,
and has to be replanted.
I am, with much respect, yours, &c.
SOLON ROBINSON.
Remarks on the Onion,
Mr. Editor: —There are three varieties of
this vegetable cultivated in this region. The
allium cepa is a biennial, and is highly esteemed
as a salad. To insure a good crop, the seed
should be sown early in the spring. The soil
selected should be of a light, loamy texture, ap.
proximating to sand, and g<> prepared as to ena
ble it to retain a considerable degree of beat
without becoming dry or excessively parched,
during drought. There are, however, few vee
etabics which require less moisture, or to the
full and perfect deyelopenient of which the prin
cipld of heat is more strictly necessary, or indis
pen&ablc. About midsummer, it should beta.
ken up and stored,for if it is permitted to remain
longer in the soil, it* value for culinary purposes,
will bo deteriorated if not destroyed.
The allium ccpa, is one of the few cultivated
vegetables which admit of being changed from
biennials to triennials. This is effected simply
by sowing the seeds quite late in the season, and
in closo proximity, the first summer, on poor or
sterile soil, and transplanting them in the spring
of the second season. Onions managed in this
way, are sometimes called ‘ scullions .’ They
are much more mild and agreeable to the pal.
ate, beside* presenting a much more symmetri
cal and perfect dcvelopement in the bulb. tVhen
treated in this’ way, they will not run So ■onwl till
the fell of,the third year. The best manure for
onion*, drith which lam acquainted, j* gypsum,
soot, ashes and charcoal. Stimulated by fre.
quent applications of these, the onion will sue.
coed well on the same soil for many consecutive
years. It it asserted, indeed, and on credi.
ble authority, that a piece of soil was sown,
some years since, in Scotland, which had been
cultivated, in this plant for a period of 80 years, !
and the Jest crop taken was, it is said, as good
to all appearance, as any of the preceding ones of
which the then proprietor bad any recollection.
Th* Pot at# Onion—( Allium aggrrgahtm.)
This ia another specie* of the onion tribe. It is
wonderfully prolific. It does not, however, like
the aUuun cepa produce one large, distinct bulb,
but radiates into numerous offsets, each of which
is nearly the sign of a small orange. This veg
etable i* perhaps as extensively admired as the
common onion, I tut is preserved with much great. I
er difficulty. The rule commonly observed in
cultivating ft, by those who have had the most
experience in the business is, we believe, to
plant the smallest ‘douce’ on the shortest day,
UUpWLi crr'n on the Jnngasi.
Tub Tb*lTOion— Allium Canadensis
This is a Hall growing plant,’ and should be pro
vided with a support in order to prevent injury
from winds. Small bulba are produced both at
the top and bottom of the stems. The latter
are said to be preferable to the former in many
respect*—especially for pickling. The small
bulbs m*y be set either in the fall or spring, and
the crop, with proper care and attention in cul
tivating it, will bo ready for harvesting by mid
summer.
WGo§©® (g In® gm®©R &TT □
In cultivating the common onion ( I do not con
sider it necessary to plow or dig the soil. With
a common iron-tooth rake, I lightly stir the sur
face to the depth of two inches, and
ed the line* with a common seed rake, t<m the
seed and cover it with the hoe or hand.. The
roller is then applied to level and
surface soil, and a dressing of gypsum, uMßbd
house ashes, (equal parts) applied at fIJPL or
just before a rain. As soon &* the plant* Stake
their appearance, another application of the same
mixture ia given; a third follows after wendlqg.
The seeding should be soaked from twenty.four
to thirty-six hours before sowing, in houare fey,
or water in which there i* some principle capa
ble of softening tbe pericarp which is rematka
bly indurated, especially when the seed is old,
Germantown Telcgrafiu
Culture ts Potatoes. -£■—-
Tub Rot.— As far as I can, I will give the
result of my observation on the effect of manure
in the culture of potatoes, in the hope of leading
someone to the analytical investigation of tbe
difficulty. Having made some experiment* with
manures, all the difference I could observe be
tween those with rotted manure, and those with
out any manure, was, that those manured wore
much larger and more numerous than those not
manured. They were planted at different time*
iti Mareh and April. They
•Tfrg” minus! cm, until
saw, promising a fine yield, until about the
of July. At that time, for several days, bstfety i
rains, and hot sunshine alternated, producing ft
state ol fermentation in the root, which ended in
the destruction ol half the crop. Observation
warrants me in saying that the rain or hot weath
er was the inducing cause of the rot, for.it cca*.
ed with clear, cool weather.
The real cause was the lack of some agent ne.
cessary to its lull formation, and which would
have rendered it proof against the exciting cause,
Bays one, * Did you not manure some of them V
So I did; but did the manure contain all that
was necessary to the growth of the potatoe? If
it contained enough for ordinary weather,-did
it contain enough to be in proportion after the
immense fall of rain ? For it must be rerabered
that oxygen and hydrogen, the component palls
of water, enter into vegetables, by first dfotojv.
ing other agents, uud then, if tbe ground is not
rich in proportion, some will enter more lately
than others.
In order, if possible, to illustrate, I will ncte a
case which may be observed by every ffraier.
Farmers sometimes thresh their wheat fa^pt tit
field, selecting a poor spot, that will hardly jicld
five bushels to the acre. The straw is aljdtved
to lie here and rot, or is ploughed under tu en
rich the worn-out soil, lu course of time, an
other sowing of wheat takes place; and when
spring come, the farmer congratulates hinfaelf
upon having in the field at least one spot of good
wheat. Harvest comes, and the hands cut up to
the place, but they find the straw all tumbled
down, and the heads not filled. *o,’ says bn'e,
‘this ground is entirely too rich.’
Organic chemistry will tell you that kbe
ground was only half rich enough. The straw
contained only those agents necessary to re|ro
duce straw, and from the aptitude of tbe rotting
straw to bold and appropriate the component
parts ofwuter,tho stalk shoots up without siiength
to support its overgrown weight. If the ground
had contained the ingredients oi the grain, Vnd
the salts of lime, &c., to strengthen the sjglk,
(here could bßvcF been no failure. Piaflnfefg
spot in corn, and the long ears in aulnmu will
lell that (he grpund possessed all that wNPaae.
cessary for “its perfect growth. I have •ecu
these spots fail in one grain and succeed in an.
other; but it was a wonder, until organic chem
istry explained the mystery. Many a time 1
have wondred why a stalk of corn would noi
grow in a pile of manure having seen them come
up there early in the spring. It ceases to be
a wonder when we learn that the pile is only
rich in reference to ammonia, dec., and poor in
regard to several agents. The ground can nev
er be too rich, if it holds all the agents of growth
in just proportion ; for the plant will apply what
is demanded for its support, and leave the bal.
ance for another time.
I think the views here taken are in strict ac
cordance with science. Then we should learn
the importance of knowing what the soil has,
what is wanting, what manures have, and then
we can apply them so as to render the required
assistance. Some may wish to know why straw
rotted in the barn-yard, where stock run over it,
make better manure than that rotted in the field.
Simply because tho deposits of the cattle supply
what is lacking in the field. When quite smalt
I remember seeing a large quantity of lime ap.
plied to a field, as 1 was told ‘to make it rich.’
The tronblo was not repaid, and the system
of liming was abandoned. Tho persons who
did it cannot yet tell why it was that no good
resulted. Science steps in, and tells the man ol
careful observation, that the ground had lime
enough, and that it wanted something else. But
more of this at another time, for long articles
are likely to be neglected. J, L.
Frankfort, Ky., Feb., 1849.
Management or Hobsks.—We have no do.
meslic animal amouggt uS, that cost so much,
that will do a greater variety of work or is as
much abused as the horse. Like hi* master,
the horse is complicated in bis structure, and
liable to a great many diseases ; and as bo is
capable of being made to exert ali his power ot
body in the efforts of speed or severe labor,
niue-tenth* of them are cutoff in tbe'prilmrai
life. And yet by care and attention, by Ititid
and humane treatment iu working and feeding,
he can be made to endure a great many years,
active and strong. Mr. Poll, of New York has
given some excellent rule* for the management
of horses, which were published in the transac
tions of the New York Agricultural Society,
the good ideas which he there advanced
be observes: ‘ Feed them in winter on a vari
ety of food such as oats, ground and whole,
bran, strip stuff, peas, turnips, carrots, potatoes,
and parsnips, occasionally steamed separately
and together. In summer, keep th*-m always
confined in airy stables and teed them on clover,
bruised grain cornstalks, cider pomace,
oil cake, hay, Ate. Be particular to give them
three-fourths of a pound of salt per week; occa
sionally two ounces of sulphur ; and frequently
two ounces of wood ashee.
• By good keeping and judicious management,
a pair ofhorsea perfectly sound when young, will
last, and labor constantly, twenty.five years, and
to,the and will retain their spirit*. 1 have a
pair of bsy horse*,’ he observe*, *on my farm
that are now twenty years old, during
time they have never been ft pasture, and have
worked daiiy; they have never been incapacita
ted for work by lameness, or dises.se of any
kind, and have always been perfectly healthy.*
lie also add* that he has pair of sor.
rcls that are eighteen years old, which labor
daily and will do at much work aa any pair of
aix year old.’
Ttys above statements of Mr. Fed are worth
listening to and hi* advice should be followed.
Much loss would be prevented, and much suffer
ing to a faithful.and useful animaj
would amply reward the extra care and kind
ness thus bestow ed, even if the virtue of mercy
to those brute* intrusted to our protection were
not taken into account.— Maine Farmer.
Clothes Balls.— Take four ounces of ful
ler's earth, dried so as to crumble into powder,
and mix with it half an ounce of peart-asb.
Wet it with a sufficiency of lemon juice to work
it into a stiff paste. Then form it into balls, and
dry them in the sun, or on the top of a moder
ately warm stove. When quite dry, put them
away for use. They will be found efficacious
in removing grease spots and stains from arti
cles of clothing, first wetting the spot with cold
water, and then nibbing on the ball; afterward*
drying the place in the sun or by the fire, and
then washing it off with a sponge and clean
water.
Indestructible Cordage.— Messrs. J. T.
Crooke dt Cos. of Maysville. Ky., are manufsc.*
turing cordage of unrated hemp, so kynnized
by the use of antiseptic substances as to render
ir, as they assert, indestructible when exposed
to the weather. Cordage prepared according
to their method has been buried in a fungut’
heap, filled with decaying vegetable matter, for
five years, wihmit showing signs of decay.
The comparitive value of different sort* of
hemp as it regards durability, is easily and spee.
(lily tested by any onn. since nearly ail kinds
are very short lived when exposed.to causes
favorable to decay. The Manilla will last some
four or fire months as used in the summer sea
son upon our steamboats—the Sisal, which is
often sold in the West as Manilla, will not last
much mors than half as long; the Russian hemp
when kept moist and warm, will loose its
strength in about three weeks—the American
water rotted in two week, and the dew rotted
in from fire to ten days. The unroted hemp,
without being kyanized, will not last longer
than the dew rotted, and will even show more
signs of putrefaction before losing it* strength.
Married Life. —The following true send
ments are from the pen of that charming writer,
Fredericks Bremer, whose observations might
well become the rule of life, so appropriate are
they to many of its phases :
Deceive not one another in small things nor
in great. One little single lie has, before now,
disturbed a whole married life. A small cause
has often great consequences. Fold not your
hands together and sit idle. Laziness is the
devil’s cushion. Do not run much from your
home. One’s own health is worth more than
gold. Many a marriage, my friend, begins like
the may morning, end then fall* away like a
snow wreath. And why ?-.Because the mar.
ried pair neglect to be a* well pleased with each
other after marriage as before. Endeavour al
ways, my children, to please one another, but
at the same time keep God in your thoughts.—
Lavish not all yor flPflghts on ln-ri*v. for re.
.member that marriage ?has its to-morrow, and
its day after to-morrow, too.—‘spare,’ as we
•nay say. ‘fuel for the winter.’ Consider, my
daughter, what the word wife expresses. The
married woman is the husband's domestic faith:
in her hands must he he able to confide house
and family, he able to trust her with the key of
his heart, as well as the key of his eating-room.
His honor and his home are under her keeping
...hie well being is in her hand. Think of this!
And ye sons, he faithful husbands and good fath.
ers of families. Act so that your wivoe shall
esteem and love you.
Idle Daughters. It is, says Mrs. Ellis, ih
■nos* painful spectacle in families where theft
mother is tho drudge, to see the daughters elel
aantly dressed, reclining at their ease with theifl
drawing, their music, their fancy.wmks anl
•heir reading; beguiling themselves of the lapsM
of hours, days and weeks, and never Hrraminfl
of their responsibilities ; but. ag a neressafl
consequence of neglect of duty, growing weafl
of their useless lives, laying hold of every
ly invented stimulant to rouse their
energies, and blaming their fate when they
not blame their God, for having placed
where they are. HI
These individuals will often tell you
air of affected compassion—for who can
it real ? that ‘poor dear mamma is
herself to death.’ Yet, no sooner do you
pose that they should assist her, than they B 9
clare she is quite in her element-..in short,
he would never be happy if she had only BUI
at much to Ho. jIH
Put you* Sicn is the Paraas —I
young buisness man, wbo put* hii money I
the newspaper* in the shape of advertiemJ
instead of the theatre, the bowling saloon J
tavern, and the fifty follies of life, is wise,!
must reap a golden harvest. The great afl
of success lies in economy in everything!
advertising. Young business men must at!
tise liberally if they would be liberally patfl
ized— City Item. 1
A Beautiful Extract. — Labor !—
man of idleness, has labor rocked you idߧ§||
cradle, and m,unshed your
out it, the woven silks and wool upon your
would be in the silk worm’s nest, and the fleß|j|
in the sheperd’s told. For the meanest tflll
that ministers to human want, save the aiHgi|
heaven, man is indebted to toil ; and eHll
the air, by God’s wise ordination, is breatßpff
with labor. It is only the drones who toilHg||
who infest the hive of the active-like maHp
of corruption and decay. The lords of the etH||
are workingmen, who build or cast dowiiH
their will, and who retort the sneer of the *MP
handed’ by pointing to their trophies, whenever
art science, civilization and humanity are
known. Work on, man of toil 1 tby royalty
is yet to be acknowledged, as labor riaea on
ward to the highest throne of {tower.
‘ Amause TO THX IMV AID Nature or
CaiLß***.’*-—Wrvtesa on Education now.*,
days, in treating of the government of children,
have much to say about •appealing to their in
ward nature.’ The doctrine was practically
illustrated ia School street on Sunday. A lady
finding some difficulty in making a couple of
children walk home from church in a becoming
manner, said to them—if you behave so, see
if you do not hire to take seme caster oil as soon
as you get home. Now take my word for it,
just aa sure as you are aliye.’
The children immediately drew up demurely
by her side, and moved along as gravely aa
mutes at a funeral,-- Fast,
BS jjSatMBMM gfesaaA**l abort time
since a aon of Mr. Richard Parker of Boone
county, Ky., found a nest of young squirrels,
three ia number, and carrying them into the
house, he placed them with a bevy of young kk
tens, and strange to tell, the mother cat adopted
the little fondlings into her family, bestowing as
much care and kindness upon them as upon her
own offspring. The squirrels are now about a
month old, and have become entirely domestics,
ted living upon the same pap and adopting the
habits of their feline brothers and sisters.
Indiana Whig.
Playing the Devil.—We were a good deal
amused at an anecdote we beard the other day
of a certain preacher whose calling confined
him within the limits of old Kentucky. He had
preached ia his parish many years, and of coarse
run short of the eloquence so much needed to
keep bis hearers awake aad astonished. Lei
him preach ever so well now, it made no differ
ence, they had got used to him and used to sleep,
ing: and sleep they would, to his great annoy,
ance. At last be hit upon an expedient to bring
’em up standing, ns the saying is. He pro
cured a small tin whistle, which he took with
him into the pulpit, and after taking his text and
•blazing away’ until his lungs were sore and
his bearers all comfortably dozing and nodding
approval of rach other, he suddenly drew it
forth and gave a shrill toot-a-toot. In an in
stant the whole congregation was awako and
upon their feet, staring at the minister, at each
othpr, and wondering what in the name of pick
le* and human nature, as Sam Slick says, was
to come next. ‘You’re a set of smart speci
mens of humanity, ain’t you ?’ said the divine
whistler, as he slowly gazed around on his as
tonished assemblage. ‘When I preach the Gog.
pel to you, you all go to sleep ; but the moment
1 go to playing the devil, you’re all wide awake
up and a coming like a rush of hornets with a
pole in their nert !’
Pehfect Sincerity, or Thinking Aloud.
jVo 1-— I ‘Are you going?’
‘Why, ye-er. The fact is, that your party is
so slow, and 1 am weally so infernally bored,
that 1 shall go some-where and smoke a quiet
cigar.’
“Well, good night. As you are by no means
handsome, a great puppy, aud not in tho least
amusing, 1 think it’a the best thing you can do.’
No 2.— Mamma. ‘You are a disagreeable old
bachelor,’ and generally hate children, 1 know
—but isn’t dear little Wormwood & fine, noble,
little follow V
Old Gent. ‘Well if you want my candid opin
ion, I may as well tell )6u at onec—that I think
him the most detestable little beast I ever saw
—and if you imagine I am going to leave him
anything because you have named him after me
you are mighlly mistaken.’
A Willing Debtor. —Sir Walter Scott, on
one occasion, was desirous of rewarding the
wit and importunity of an Irish beggar by the
present of sixpence, but found he had not so
small a coin in his purse.’ 4ierc, my good fel
low,’ said the baronet, ‘here ia a shilling ; but
mind, you owe me sixpence.” “God bless
your honor,’ exclaimed Pat, ‘may your honor
live till I pay you !’
The author of Ivanhoe was highly tickled at
the naive reply.
A Grecian in to-to. —A learned D. D.
once remarked lo a theologicial student, that
• would be become a perfect Greek scholar,
it was necossary to pay great attention to
those words nut in common use, technical terms,
etc.’
• 1 believe that I have done so,’ xvax tho re
pr- ,
TV n,; .then you consider
was a hen 1 wouldn’t lay eggs for a cent a piece
I know.’
Conscience —‘Conscience!’ said Mrs. Hop
kins, indignantly. ‘Do you not suppose nobody
has got any conscience, hut yourself! My con
science, is as good as yours—ay, better too—
•or it has never been used in the course of my
life, while youre must be nearly worn out!’
“We find the following piece of impudence in
a!?sw York paper:
•Young ladies should never object to being
kissed hy editors; they should make every al
lowance for the freedom of the press.’
We are silent with indignation.
DOING A LANDLORD.
Mr. Stijut.— Shortly after the completing
of the *Great National Road’ through Ohio, the
incident I nos about to relate occurred.
There waa, ia a quiet little village through
which this ‘Rond’ passed, a Hotel where die
stages always changed, and the passengers ex.
peeled to get breakfast. The landlord of said
Hotel waa noted for his ‘tricks upon travellers,
who were allowed to get fairly seated at the In
ble, when the driver would blow his horn (after
taking bis harms) and sing out, ‘Stage ready,
gentlemen I’ whereupon the passengers were
obliged to hurry out and take their scats, leav.
ing a scarcely tasted breakfast behind them, (or
which, however, they had to fork over Fifty
cents. Time and place you bare, now for thn
how our hero succeeded in
OOING A LANDLORD : OR, CETTIN’ THE
VALUE ON’t.
If I were to commence thus: ‘At sunrise, one
lovely morning in the month of June, itr-duT
year——, a solitary horseman might be seen/
&c. tic. you might think G, P. R. James wag
your correspondent. But lo our subject.
The hero I speak ofj was one of nine
passengers in n stage coach which was slowly
approaching the village above mentioned, on* a
cold morning in Febuary. 193—,
•Gentlemen,’ said one of the nine, 4 have of.
ten traveled this road before, nod, out of good
feeling to all, I will caution you against ‘hug
ging the delusive phantom of hope,’ a* regards
getting breakfast at the Hotel we are approach,
ing.’
•What 7—how 7 No breakfast f* exclaimed
the rest.
‘Exactly so, gents, aad you may as well keep
your seals and tin.’
‘Don't they expect passengers to breakfast V
•Oh yes ! they expect you to it, but not to eat
it.
I am under the impression, that there ia an
understanding between the landlord and driver
that, for sundry and various drinks, cct., the
latter starts before you can scarcely commence
eating.’
‘Why, wot on airth air you talkin’ ’bout 7 Es
you calkerlate I’m gin’ to pay ‘four ainepence’
fur my breakfast and not git the valle on’t, you
air mistakin I’ said a voice from the back seat,
the owner of which was one Hrzekiah Spauld
ing—though ‘tew bum’ they called him ‘Hez*
for short. ‘l’m goin’ tew git my breakfast yen,
and not pay ‘nary red’ till I dew.’
•Then you’ll tie left.’
‘Not as yew knows on, I wont 1’
•Well, we’ll see,’ said the other, as the stage
drove up to the door, and the landlord, ready
to *do the hospitable,’ says—
‘Breakfast just ready, gents ! Take a wash,
gents 7 Here’s water, basins, towels, and soap.
After performing their ablutions, they all
proceeded to tbe dining-room, and commenced
a fierce onslaught upon the edibles, thouh ‘Hez’
took bis time. Scarcely had they tasted their
coffee, when they heard the unwelcome sound
of the horn, and tho driver exclaim • Stage
ready V Up rise eight grumbling passenger*,
pay their 50 cents, aud take their aeats.
•All afioard, gents 7’ inquires the best.
•Okie missing,’ said they.
Proceeding to the ffiging-room, the host finds
Hez very coolly helping himself to an immense
peice of steak, the ‘site of a horse’s lip.’
‘You’ll be left, sir f Stage li going to start"!’
•Wal, 1 haint got nothin’ to say agin it !’
draw!* out Hez.
•Can’t wait, air,- better take your seat.’
‘Dew wot 7’
•Get in, sir.’
•I’ll lie gaui-darned es I dew, auther, ’till I’ve
got n.y breakfast ! I paid for it, and Fm goin
to git the vallee on't s and es you calculate I
ain’t, yew air mistaken.
So jhe stage did start, and left Hez, who
continued his attack of the edibles. Biscuit*,
coffee, steaks, dec., dec., disappeared rapidly
beforo'the eyes of the astonished landlord.
assahjaa , Squire, them there cakes is ’bout East ;
nuther grist on ‘em. ‘Yon !’ (to the
|||||H ;) ‘nuther cup nv that air coffee. Pass
ge s.’ ‘Raise yew’rc own pork, Squire?
|||P^^i|axiu^niceham. Land ‘bout yere tol
i’ maple
‘Br in thriX'", Lx—*.ye 7 Dewin’ right
Wflm trade. Squire, I calculate. Oon't lay yrw r
HWeggS, dew yc V and thus Hex kep quizz
||Whe landlord, until he had made a hearty
3*av, Squire, now I’m ’bout tew conclude
B n ‘ ray devowers tew this ere table, but es
HjH’d ius’ giv’ us a bowl o’ brerd and milk
gg| sorter stop off with, I’d be obleegcd tew
out goes landlord and waiter for the bowl,
H and bread, and set them before Hez.
• mpeten, teic, es you please !’
§,( no spoon could be found. Landlord was
WSjMhe had plenty silver ones laying on the ta.
‘Evhen the stag* s’opped.
gHHay yew ! dew you think them passengers ia
; ?w pay yew for a breakfast and not get
!’ . ,
, what! Do y OIF think
|j|||Mers took them ?’
■Hew I think 1 No, I don’t think, but (aw
lllljHin.’ BPlhey air all r.v green as yew ’bout
H| I'm goin’ tew locate immediately and tew
B Et.’
landlord rush‘d out to the stable, and
ffltarts a man off alter the stage, which had gone
libout three miles. The man overtakes the
and says something to the driver in a low
■ tone. He immedially turns back, and on a*vi
9 ving at the Hotel, Hez comet out to take hi*
■ seat, and says :
■ *Oeow air yow, gents 7 I’m rotten flat tem
I see yon f*
I Landlord sav* to Hex, ‘Can you point out the
I man you think his the spoons V
‘Pint him eout? Sartainiy, I ken. Say, Squire!
B 1 p*id yow four ninepeece for a breakfast, and
B 1 calculate 1 cot tb* vau.ee on't ! Yew’l find
I them spoons in the cofiee-pot!’ v- _
■ Go ahead, all ohoor^drivej^^^^^M|