Newspaper Page Text
HOW TO PICK OUT A WIFE.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Lind a girl that iz nineteen years old last May, ulx>ut the
right bight, with a blue eye, and dark-brown hair, and white
teeth.
Let the girl be good to look at, not too phnitd ot niusik. a
tirm disbeliever in ghosts, and one ov six ehildren in the
family.
Look well to the karakter ov her father; see that lie is not
the member ov eimy dub, don't bet on elekshuns. ami gits
shaved at least three times a week.
Find out all about her mother, see It shee haz got a good
bead or good common sense, study well her likes and dis
likes, eat some ov her lmni-made bread and apple dumplins,
notiss whether she abuses all ov her nabors, ask her sen ants
how long they lived tliare, and don’t fail to observe whether
her dresses are last year’s ones tixt over.
If you are satisfied that the mother would make the right
kind ova mother-in-law, you kan safely kom lude Uiat the
dauter would make the right kind ova wife.
After tlieze preliminary's all are settled, and you have done
a reasonable amount of sparking, ask the young lady for her
heart and hand, and if she refuses, yu kan konsider yourself
euchred.
If, on the contrary, she should say yes, git married at once
without any fuss and feathers, and proceed to take the
chances.
I say take the chances, for tliare ain’t no recipe tor a per
fekt wife, any more than thare iz for a perfekt husband.
Thare is just as menny good wives az thare iz good hus
bands, and I never knew two people, married or single, who
were determined tew make themselves agreeable to eaeh
other, but what they suckceeded.
Name your oldest boy by some good stout name—not after
some hero; but should the first boy be a girl, L ask it a/ a
favor to me that yn call her Rebekker.
I do want sum ov them good, old-fashioned, tuff girl names
revived and extended.
■ ■ ■
THE WRETCH.
“ Small Talk” thus discoursed! in the Louisville Courier-
Journal :
“It is believed by some that St. Paul was a widower, because
he speaks of having had a thorn in his flesh. He therefore
urged persons to remain single, though he admitted mar
riage to be necessary in some cases. The eloquent apostle’s
prejudices against this delightful institution was doubtless
stimulated by the bitterness of his personal recollections.
The memory of that “ thorn in his flesh” was still fresh and
irritating. He was deprived, too. of several striking illustra
tions of the beneficent results produced by woman’s *select
est influence’ over man. It is said by the advocates of the
institution, that Mr. Seward's iame began to wane, upon the,
death of his wife, to whom he owed the vitalizing currents
which bore him oh. Disraeli married in is:!'.), and at on< e be
gan to rise to the stature which he has reached. The Vis
countess Beaconsfield is dead, and we shall see how much
this extraordinary man owed to the power behind the throne.
• Marriages’says one enthusiast, ‘< al lies a man to heaven.’
We won’t undertake to bolster up St. Paul’s ‘theory by citing
the number of husbands who have been kept down and sent
to the devil by matrimony. We rather think, though, there
area few married gentlemen gathered about his internal
majesty who hold their wives somewhat responsible in that
tropical latitude.”
“Charles,” saida young lady to her lover, “[there is not
ing interesting in the paper to-day, is there, dear?” “No,
love, but I hope there will he one day, when wc both shall be
inserted.” The lady blushed, and said, of course, •• Fni shame,
Charles.”
THE FAIR EXPOSITOR; OR. SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS, Jr.
SILVER WARE,
SPOONS AM) FOHKS,
DINX EW AND TKA SI: IS.
From s>oo to SAOOO,
MANUFACTURED BY
SAMUEL KIRK A SON,
INTABLISHED IS iM7,
No, 7<5 \\ ost KnltimoM' street, IJitlflmtire, 'ld.
WATCHES. JEWELRY. PLATED WARE
' >Nh LARGE DIAMOND, ''allied at >'>,ooo, the largest im
ported into Baltimore.
The Silver Ware ottered by tin* Agricultural and Mechanical
Association, was furnished by this house.
BUG-aiES,
MiJGEs, fj|J|g mm.
\\ ’KOFFER THE LARGEST AND BEST selected stock ot
* Brm.iKH, Cakiuauks, Ph.ktoNs. and vehicles ot all kinds
that have ever been shown in Savannah. An inspection ot
our commodious Repository will amply corroborate! our
statement.
We also make to order vehicles of all kinds, and] attached
to our establishment is a complete
RE P AIRIN Ct D KFARTMKNT.
McKEE & BENNETT,
Corner of Wed Broad and Hay streets ,
SAVANNAH.
JOHN M IX>NOUH. T. BALLANI’VNK. WM. I> SULLIVAN
McDonough, ballantyne i co„
IRON AND BRASS FOUNDERS,
Machinists and Pattern-Makers,
(V.hvkii East Broad and LiftKitry streets,
SAV-A.TNT N.A PT, O A...
n AVINIi INCIIKASK!* (H it KACII.M Il.s. V\ K \][K
pared to fill all orders for Machinery, Iron Fronts, and
Castings for Buildings, as cheap as can be furnished at the.
North.
PATTERN-MAKING, in its various branches, executed with
accuracy and dispatch. Special attention given t*> repairs of
machinery entrusted to us.
The reputation of our SUGAR MILLS and PANS is estab
lished. They will be guaranteed to lx* of the best manufac
ture and ot the latest improved styles.
EIKr OF FRUTaW.
SUGAR M ILLS—Without With Cast Iron Frames.
Frames. ready to Grind.
LS inch SOO 18 inch slou
i2 inch 4o 12 inch 47
Id inch 50 Id inch. 57
14 inch 00 14 inch
Hi inch 75 16 inch ... Hi
SUGAR PANS —80 gallons, £l4; 40 gallons, £17:*50 gallons,
s2l: GO gallons, $25; so gallons, Cd 2; 100 gallons, S4O.
All work warranted.
THOHAS RAMjANTYNK,
MMprrinten rttmt•