Newspaper Page Text
4A
♦ WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2006
Mau&tan journal
OPINION
Daniel F. Evans
Editor and Publisher
Don Moncrief
Managing Editor
There is no rational reason
It never fails. Whenever there’s a marked
spike in violence in Iraq - like there
was a week or so ago - national media
respond with puzzled looks.
They turn and look at each other, still
with raised eyebrows, bring on guests of all
shapes and sizes, and in short, try to make
sense of it.
“Why now,” seems to be the common
theme.
“Sept. 11 is still a week away.” “There’s
no Arab anniversary this week. There’s no
other significant date to warrant this. Why
now?”
Well, why not? (The middle three are
actual quotes
from one of
the major net
works, by the
way.)
Let’s just say
for the sake
of argument
a terrorist,
or terrorists,
has/have half
a brain.
That’s a fair
assumption
and a pretty
fair statement:
“Terrorists
have half a
brain.”
Well, any
one with half
a brain can
figure out the
best way “not” to get caught is to not be
predictable.
Want to get caught? Try something on the
anniversary of one of the greatest tragedies
in U.S. history. You don’t think this country
was on high alert yesterday?
But, what about today? What about tomor
row?
Sure, we’ve now got homeland security.
And sure, we’ve learned to be a lot more
vigil, or maybe just vigil considering before
9-11 we just lived our lives with little to no
thought of it. The recent foiled plot inter
cepted by the United Kingdom is proof of
that. But, when are we most on our guard?
On a key anniversary date for us, or them.
Not the day after, not the month before.
The point is, this is us now. We can’t afford
to let the media or anyone else program
us into thinking it’s all part of a scripted
plan.
This is not Hollywood.
This is real life. It’s a tragedy in itself that
it’s come down to this, but here we are.
There is no sense to it, so national media
should just stop trying to fill their timeslot
in trying to convince us there is.
Anyone with half a brain could tell them
that. But for them perhaps it’s more a case
of: “It’s a ‘no-brainer.’”
Worth Repeating
“In the future days, which we seek to make secure,
we look forward to a world founded upon four essential
freedoms. The first is freedom of speech and expression
- everywhere in the world. The second is freedom of every
person to worship God in his own way - everywhere in
the world. The third is freedom from want - which, trans
lated into world terms, means economic understand
ings which will secure to every nation peaceful life for
its inhabitants - everywhere in the world. The fourth is
freedom from fear - which, translated into world terms,
means a worldwide reduction of armaments to such a
point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will
be in a position to commit any act of aggression against
any neighbor-anywhere in the world.”
Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882-1945
32nd President of the United States (Democrat, NY)
*
Send your Letters to the Editor to:
The Houston Home Journal
P.O. Box 1910 • Perry, Ga 31069 or
Email: hhj@evansnewspapers.com
Julie B. Evans
Vice President
Foy S. Evans
Editor Emeritus
Sure, we've now got
homeland security. And
sure, we've learned
to be a lot more vigil,
or maybe just vigil
considering before 9-11
we just lived our lives
with little to no thought
of it. The recent foiled
plot intercepted by the
United Kingdom is proof
of that. But, when are
we most on our guard?
On a hey anniversary
date for us, or them.
A blended family, op family in a blender?
She was young, hip, funny, attrac
tive and confident.
She was the DJ of a popular,
drive-time top-40 radio program in
one of Georgia’s major cities and had
invited me on her program to talk
about the Marriage Report that had
just been released by Georgia Family
Council. The report provided a “snap
shot” of the attitudes and behaviors
shaping the general health of marriage
in Georgia.
In between popular songs she (and
her mostly deferential co-host) pep
pered me with questions about our
findings and, in typical drive-time
radio fashion, sprinkled those ques
tions with witty observations from her
own life and experience.
I was having fun, as I almost always
do on radio programs such as this. And
we weren’t having a hard time agree
ing on the importance of healthy mar
riages to both adults and children. But
then things took a turn. It didn’t turn
rotten; the tenor just changed. Why?
We got onto the issue of cohabita
tion and she said, “I lived with my ‘ex’
before we got married thinking that it
would increase our chances of having a
good marriage. And now you’re telling
me that research shows that it actually
hurts your chances of succeeding in
marriage?!” I said, “Well, yeah, that’s
what I’m saying because that’s what
the research says.”
That was a little uncomfortable but
she found it difficult to argue with
given the fact that he was, indeed, her
“ex.” Then she went on to another
myth. “OK, I messed that up, but at
least I stand a better chance of having
a successful second marriage because
I’ve gone through it before. Now, I
know what it takes.”
She looked at me hoping for an
affirming nod. She didn’t get it. “Uh,
I hate to say this, but the truth is the
opposite - second marriages break up
at a much greater rate than first mar
riages.”
She was clearly disappointed with the
news. So am I, but I have learned over
the years that divorce and remarriage
- particularly with children involved
in one or more of the relationships - is
incredibly difficult, often painful.
Quite frankly, most people who have
gone through the challenging process
of divorce, remarriage and “blending”
families from previous marriages can
tell you it’s sometimes gut-wrenching.
Being filled with questions for vacation
Maybe it’s the start of school,
the Socratic Method and all
that. Maybe it’s the prospect of
some time off to contemplate my navel.
Maybe I’ve mistimed my medication.
Whatever ... I’m filled with ques
tions, questions about the future, the
past, next Tuesday, serious concerns
about Billy Shakespeare’s mortal coil.
And perhaps because a word associa
tion has gone horribly awry, at the top
of my list of questions is what ever
happened to Question Mark and the
Mysterians?
Actually, a little Google can go a long
way when knee deep in an industrial
strength self-application of Socrates.
Question Mark - born Rudy Martinez
and legally “?” for nearly four decades
now - and the Mysterians top most
one-hit wonder charts (“96 Tears” in
1966) although the group Smashmouth
remade their song “Can’t Get Enough
of You Baby” a few years ago with some
success.
Otherwise, the music mojo of “?” and
the Mysterians is enough to make any
one, well, cry ... cry, cry, cry!
Now that I have those boys out of
the way, I can spend long hours of my
impending vacation mulling over a
growing list of irresolution, questions
nobody seems to be able to answer.
For starters, if I leave my garden
hose outside all winter and in April it
springs a leak the size of a Personal
Pan pizza, I’ll have to pay to replace it.
So why is it that when BP skimps on
maintaining its pipeline in Alaska for
five years, I have to pay for it - in the
form of higher gas prices?
OPINION
Blended families have it tough. Really
tough. Here’s a sobering statistic that
makes the point clearly - 65 percent of
all re-marriages end in divorce.
I’m going to assume that there are
many people reading this who are
experiencing the challenge of a blended
family. I actually want to offer you
some hope. You can make it, but it
takes time and commitment.
Jim Killman, the author of Dangerous
Crossings, says, “Here’s the added com
plication for blended families: Experts
say it typically takes four to eight years
for a new family to blend - to feel like
a real family rather than a stepfamily.
But of the second marriages that fail,
most do so in the first four years -
before families realistically could have
expected to blend.”
People just give up too soon.
Here’s a message for those of you
experiencing difficulty in a first mar
riage. In most cases, it is far easier to
spend months, or even years, working
through your current problems than
it ever will be to divorce, remarry and
start a blended family. In other words,
think long and hard before taking such
a drastic step. Remember, roughly
80 percent of those who “stick it out”
through an unhappy time in their
marriage report being happy five years
later. Do the math. Five years is a lot
less than eight years.
That said, blended families do
exist and often need significant help
to weather harrowing storms. With
some help from Ron Deal, a preemi
nent expert on how to create healthier
blended families, here are some tips:
Take time to heal. Again, it takes
roughly eight years for a new family
to blend, so take the time you need
and allow others to take the time they
need to grieve the losses that divorce
and remarriage cause. This includes
helping and allowing children to grieve
their losses. Realize they have lost a
lot as well and respect their need to
see their other biological parent and
After BP found a 16-mile stretch of
its pipeline was shapeshifting into a
colander, the petroleum giant shut it
down, causing a 3-percent jump in oil
prices, and we all know where those
go. In an obviously unrelated develop
ment, prices at the pump went down
the last week, a sure sign that they will
go up again.
My second question is about the
serious diss a bunch of smarty-pants
scientists from the International
Astronomical Union put on Pluto last
week.
How could they do such a thing? Talk
about your downsizing. Pluto went
from a member in good standing of
the club Planet Planet to an inter
planetary, politically incorrect “dwarf.”
(What? The white coats never heard
the term “little planet?”)
Unless the planet-stripping fiasco
was simply a ruse to teach young peo
ple that Pluto was more than a Disney
dog and will soon be reversed, thou
sands of homemade science projects
with nine planets will soon be washing
ashore at eßay beach.
What’s next? Orion busted for not
having a valid hunting permit? Halley’s
Randy
Hicks
President
Georgia Family Council
George
Ayoub
Columnist
Morris News Service
respect that parent in your child’s
presence.
Take your time to blend and practice
patience. Help your children transition
by being patient. Let step-children set
the pace for developing the relationship
by focusing first on warm interactions
between stepchild and stepparent and
then transitioning into disciplinarian
later. It’s likely to take four to eight
years to develop intimate and authen
tic relationships in stepfamilies.
Set reasonable expectations. Keep
from setting yourself up for disap
pointment: a stepfamily will never be
the same as a nuclear family. Discuss
expectations for roles, tasks, involve
ment, relationships, child-rearing val
ues, home rules and traditions.
Stay committed through tough times.
There’s not a questions as to whether
or not you will have difficult times.
You will. But just like any marriage,
success ultimately comes through com
mitment. The rewards will come.
Work as a team. Be unified as parents
in decisions, discipline and establishing
a new home. This doesn’t mean you
will see eye-to-eye on everything, but it
does mean you need to determine how
you’ll work through differences and
that you’ll present a united front.
Make your Marriage a Priority. Your
children must be a priority. But mak
ing a blended family starts with your
marital health, which is something
you can’t have if you fail to make
time for each other. Find regular time
to be together alone and talk. It’s
through these times alone that you will
develop the patience, endurance, com
mitment, communication and unity
(all the things above) needed to make
your marriage work and your kids
feel secure. Seek help and get support.
Don’t be a lone ranger on this.- If you
need counseling or a support group,
go get it. There are people who have
successfully navigated this road before
you; they can help.
For more information, I would sug
gest you check out www.successful
stepfamilies.com It’s among the best
websites you can find on this topic.
Georgia Family Council is a non
profit organization that works to
strengthen and defend the family in
Georgia by equipping communities,
shaping laws and influencing culture.
For more information, go to www.
georgiafamily.org, 770-242-0001 and
greeg@gafam,org.
Comet forced to return twice every 76
years or risk being downgraded to a
bright light.
Those two questions could keep me
busy the entire vacation, but I have
some backup wonders, too.
What will cable news networks do
now that the case against John Mark
Karr has been drooped everywhere but
in his mind? (If there is time, maybe
we could find out why anyone believed
him in the first place.)
A couple math questions, too: Do
anonymous callers or letter writers
understand the direct proportion
between the nature of their complaint,
2 cents or story and the diminished
impact brought on by their secrecy?
Other numbers: How can more than
half of us believe that leaders in the
nation’s capital are steering us in the
wrong direction, but more than half
of us will re-elect them in a couple
months to keep driving?
From the toy department, why do
sports icons and heroes insist to us
fans they don’t want to be role models
instead of insisting on it with shoe
companies, bubble gum makers and
jock strap vendors who enrich them in
stunning fashion? I might also tackle
why abbreviated is such a long word
and how much deeper the oceans would
be if there were no sponges.
Or, if I’m really ambitious, I could
consider one of the great enigmas of
our time: Is 96 the accurate number of
teardrops for one heart to be cryin’?
Or is it simply a mystery?
Reach George Ayoub at george.
ayoub@morris.com.
HOUSTON DAILY JOURNAL