Newspaper Page Text
GUESSING SONG, 8
. e ——
We are very, very many, and although so
small we be,
With our numbers we are able to control
the mighty sea. ;
You may tread on us at pleasure, but ve
member, as you go,
That we keep a ‘faithful record of your
- passing to and fro.
So, if you are bent on mischief, kindly go
some other way;
Let us have no guilty secrets to conceal or
to betray;
For il pleases us far bet{er when we share
yvour lawful sports
And you pile us up and shape us into
monuments and forts,
Answer—~The sands of the seashore.
~Henry Johnstone, St. Nicholas.
!- A LECTURE. §
Q—\ z r—-t
S CETRERES YR R ORI W
Greece Describe 1 to the '
Inhabitants of Walla
! < Walla, ;. =
R ISR AR G BRTRETIED WD @
The man who had been everything
but a barber and a policeman was
narrating things,
“When I first struck Walla Walla,
back in the autumn of '86,” he said,
“I found that town a whole heap
more prosperous than I was. After
I'd been there for a couple of weeks,
with nothing doing, I began to re
flect that if something didn’t happen
pretty soon I'd find myself bogged or
vagged or something,
“In a moment of confidential gloom
I imparted my tale of woe to the
landlord of my hotel, with whom 1
happened to be all square-yards, for
the reason that I'd had the prescience
and foresight to pay my board with
my last kale two weeks in advance
upon hitting the town,
‘“ ‘Now you needn't he surpriged a
whole lot,” I told the good natured
landlord, ‘if I stick your night elerk
up one of these nights and take to the
chaparral with whatever small change
he happens to have in the till. I'm
all in, and I don't see anybody in
iWalla Walla making feather beds
from the moldings of the angels
around here. How about a bell hop’s
billet, if you expect me to remain
‘honest, or a berth as head bootblack
of your doggoned old tavern?’
"It was at this stage of it that that
whole souled innkeeper of Walla
Walla got busy in framing up a
scheme in my behest and behalf.
* ‘Never done no lecturin’, have
you, buddy?’ he asked me.
‘‘Seeing that he was taking an in
terest in me, I thought that I might
as well be on the level with him, and
80 I told him, candidly, that, curi
ously enough, I had never been en
gaged in the lecture field,
“*Well, that ain’t sayin’ that you
couldn’t gpin ’em a talk, s'posin’ the
chanst swung your way, suggested
the landlord. ‘Now, I've got tucked
away in the cellar a lot o’ lantern
slides—picters o' Greece, ancient an’
‘modern, is what they're labelled—
that was left here a couple o' years
ago by a lecturin’ son of a skunk that
never got sober 'nough th’ hull time
he was in an’ around Walla Walla t'
onreel his talk, although he adver
tised his lecture four or five times,
never pullin’ it off. He was plumb
loco from booze all th’ time he were
here, and he disapp’inted th’ popu
lation so often, after promisin’ t’
d’liver his lecture, that the las' time
he falls down on 'em they gits t'geth
er an’ runs him out o’ camp, an' he
never streaks back no more. Conse-
Quent, I'm th’ heir an’ assign forever
0’ these yere slides o' hig'n that por
tray all what is 'bout ancient and
modern Greece. Now, there's your
tip, hombrey, and you can work the
rest of it out f'r y'rself. You're wel
come t' use them slides if you want
to, an’ I'll guarantee you'll draw a
houseful with 'em, and that the boys
Il behave; they'll have to, ’cause
they'll be ladies present. I'll see that
everybody in Walla Walla what's
broke t' lectures 'll be on hand.’
“I suppose maybe there wasn't
manna in that kindly suggestion. I
thanked the landlord, and he had the
bunch of slides brought up from the
cellar and dusted off,
‘‘He not only had the slides, but he
had the recreant lecturer's magic lan
tern and all the rest of the gear, all
ready to be set up and put together
for the lecture. I looked the slides
over and found that they were a cork.
ing fine lot of views. J
“I got a property man from the
new Walla Walla op'rey haouse who
knew all about magic lantern gear to
assemble the stuff and try it out
against a screen in the hotel dining
room after the supper had been
cleared away, and it all worked on
tallowed skids.
“Then with the landlord backing
me up I rented the op'rey haouse for
the following Saturday evening—it
was then Tuesday—and inserted an
on tick ad. in the newspaper to the
effect that Euripides Aristophanes
‘Athenesius, the famous traveler and
professor of the University of Athens, |
would deliver his noted lecture on an
clent and modern Greaee at the opera
house on the following Saturday eve
ning, with the finest set of views il
lustrative of his subject that had
ever been got together,
‘““The landlord, who was consider
able of a citizen in 'Walla Walla, got
busy plugging for me, and when the
tickets were put on sale at the drug
store they went like hot waflles near
a city cab stand. The lantern was
set up and the slides were thrown on
the screen in a rotation rehearsal,
and Saturday morning it oceurred to
me that it wouldn't be such a bad
idea for me to think up something to
say to go with the pictures.
“I had never been any nearer to
Greece than Sandy Hook, but I wasn't
bothered much by that consideration.
1 didn’t stand in much fear that the
| Walla Walla folks would be sticklers
for the exact figures as to ancient
and modern Greece, ;
“And, as a matter of fact, they
wern’t. The lecture I gave them was
all right and it went through with a
clatter. I spread it on pretty thick
about the conquering hosts of Alex
ander of Macedon, and I let them
have plenty of ‘The Isles of Greece,
the Isles of Greece, where burning
Sappho loved and sung'—in fact, I
think I handed them that quotation
no less than nineteen times during
the lecture, just to fill in the desert
spaces. Sappho was always a great
favorite of mine, anyhow.
“I mentioned, too, quite a number
of times, how the mountain looked on
Marathon and Marataon looked on
the gea, and I lugged in Aspasia and
her friend Pericles, and did the best
I knew to whitewash the little uncon
ventionalities of those two. 1 de
voted a few moments to Diogenes, as
well as Socrates, and I kind o’ puz
zled them and aroused their admira
tion by dwelling upon the Peripatetic
School of Philosophy — they didn’t
know what I was talking about, and
when a lecturer gets an audience in a
state of mind like that their enthu
siasm for him increases with each
tick of the chronometer. '
“After it was over I counted up
the gate receipts and found that there
was $430 left for me after paying ex
penses. I went back to the hotel in a
fever and fervor of exultation., A
squat, well dressed, curly haired man,
with a swarthy skin and a thick
black mustache, was talking with the
landlord when I strolled into the ho
tel office. The stranger turned andl
smiled a very agreeable smile when
‘he saw me.
~ “‘My friend,’ he said to me, hold
ing out his hand, ‘I congratulate you. ‘
I listened to your lecture. It was'— |
and as he was a foreigner he halted i
for a word—‘immense. When I re
turn to my own country I am going!
to give an {illustrated lecture on Ti-“
bet.’
‘“‘Oh, you've been in Tibet, then?’
I said to him.
‘“‘Oh, no,’ he replied, still smiling
that engaging smile. ‘That’s why
I'm going to lecture on it.’ |
““That squat manwas a sure enough ‘
green tourist and scholar who had |
just happened to drop into Walla‘
Walla in time to hear me lecture
about Greece, The memory of hls{
saturnine grin is a nightmare to me !
yet.,”—Washington Star, {
s —————————————— " e
CURE FOR SNAKE BITE., ™
How Ranchman Treated a Wound
When Far From a Settlement.
Bitten by a rattlesnake in the calf
of the right leg in the Santa Ana
Mountains last Saturday, John Mc-
Cornick, a rancher of Grapeland,
saved his life by making an incision
with his pocket knife and inserting
a plece of the reptile's flesh in the
wound. He bandaged it tightly and
walked seven hours before he reached
his ranch, where he could receive
medical treatment, mPr. Summer J.
Quint was called from'Los Angeles to
attend McCornick., When he arrived
he found that his patient was suffer
ing from a slight poisoning, He de
clares that McCornick saved his life
by his own treatment.
McCornick was hunting through
serub oak when he felt a peculiar
sting in his leg. He looked down
and saw the snake dragging on the
ground as he walked. Its fangs had
become fastened in his leggings and
it was unable to withdraw them.
With the butt of his gun McCor
nick knocked the snake off and then
crushed its head with his heel. As
quickly as possible he ran into the
open and carried the snake with him.
When he bared his leg he squeezed
all the blood he could out of the two
punctures which the fangs had made.
Then he opened a gash, cutting
through the two wounds and letting
out the blood and poison. He cut
a plece of flesh out of the snake's
back and inserted it in the wound.
McCornick used his handerchief for
bandages and then tied his leg again
Just above the knee to stop the poi
son from working through his sys
tem,
McCornick was miles from any set
tlement where he could secure medi
cal attendance, so he started back to
Grapeland. His leg pulsated with
pain and he soon became deathly sick.
In his weakened condition he was
compelled to rest on the road time
and again. When he finally reached
home he was almost exhausted and
his leg was dreadfully swollen and
almost black.
McCornick says that his treatment
was famous among the Indifans for
snake bites and he has known of a
number of instances where its appli
cation has saved lives.—Los Angeles
Times.
Never Worried Herself. :
In declaring that she never knew
her husband's first name Mrs. Esther
Nieman, of Monroe street, created
laughter at the central police court..
“I have always called him ‘Pop’'
from the iirst day I married him, andl
as he did not object I never worried
myself about his first name,” said
Mrs. Nieman, who had her husband
arrested on the charge of failing to
support her,
The accused husband by direction
of the magistrate was induc>d to tell
his wife his full name.
“Certainly, I'm glad to do it,” re
marked the defendant, “but I think
my wife has known right along that
I am Jacob Nieman."—Philadelphia
‘lnqulrer.
e ey ———— Sy
} Provoking.
‘ “Dear me,” said Mrs. Podgerson,
“I do wish you'd quit botherin’ me
when' I'm writin' letters. You've
gone and made me leave the o out of
Sylvester,"~Chicago Record-Herald,
&
Good Tips For Farmers.
Some Valuable Especially For New England---Thorough
Investigation by Expert in the Bureau of Plant Industry
---Dairy Outlook Not So Satisfactory as Heretofore---
Difficuities Due to High Price of Feed and Labor---Grass
Lands Mismanaged---Reports From Farms---Crops De
pend on Different Variations of One Rotation---New
Kinds of Silage Corn Suggested. :-: b - A
] As a result of three years’ study
|ot the most successful dairy farms
| in New England, L. G. Dodge, scien
| tific assistant in the farm manage
i ment investigations of the Bureau of
Plant Industry, has been able to re
port to the bureau a series of criti
cisms and suggestions which farmers
may find of practical use. The in
| formation is timely, for although
| dairying has been a profitable busi
| ness in New England, conditions have
changed in recent years, and the out
‘look is said to be not as satisfac
! tory as it has been in the past. Some
| of the present difficulties are due to
J the high prices of concentrated feeds
' and of labor. Some sections of New
. England, furthermore, says M
' Dodge, feel the pressure of unsu&-
factory market conditions, especial?
those sections which ship milk to t¥e
large cities, where the farmers are
~offered a price for their milk on
- which they can hardly make a profit.
- According to Mr. Dodge the fact
that grass is so much at home in New
England States has led to a serious
fault in New England dairy farms,
namely, the mismanagement of grass
lands. This consists chiefly of a lack
of proper treatment for permanent
grass lands and of suitable rotation
for other lands, as well as for the use
of grass growing on land which does
not give profitable returns from grass
and should be devoted to tree growth,
either as woodland or orchards. An
other fault quoted is that of cutting
the hay crop too late in the season,
Mr. Dodge also notes the failure
to utilize the land for other crops
available for that section, especially
corn, In southern New England he
finds little difficulty in growing good
silage corn, but as one travels north
ward there is evidence of a lack of
suitable varieties of corn for this pur
pose. -In all but the most northern
counties in New England, Mr. Dodge
believes, varieties of silage corn can
be grown. What is most needed, he
says, is to give sufficient attention
to the selection of suitable seeds.
Hon. C. L. Jones, of Penobscot
County, Me., raises all the roughage
and some of the grain for foriy head
of ecattle, four horses and twenty
sheep on forty acres of tillage, and
spares from this area three or four
acres for potatoes every year. About
twelve acres of flint corn are grown
each year for silage, nearly as much
small grain, a mixture of oats and
barley, and the remainder of the for
ty acres, aside from the j :
devoted to hay. The rotation com:
prises one year of corn, one of small
grain, one of clover hay, and part of
the land is run for mixed hay a sec
ond year. The land is seldom left in
hay for more than two years before
it is again plowed up for corn, mak-|
ing either a three year or a four year
rotation,
The manure is mostly applied in
the late summer and fall with a ma
nure spreader, both as a top dressing
to the new seeding or other grass
land and to the land to be used for
corn the next year. It is applied at
the rate of ten loads per acre for
either purpose. The seeding is done
with the grain in the spring. Mam
moth clover is seeded at the rate of
twelve to fourteen pounds to the
acre, with two or three pounds of
redtop and four quarts of timothy,
The result of the short rotation, the
frequent manuring, and the heavy
seeding is a crop of three tons of hay
to the acre at one cutting. Other
crops yield in proportion, so that this
farm furnishes feed for so large a
number of stock that it seems un
reasonable to the average dairyman.
Another farm described is that of
Professor J. W, Sanborn in New
Hampshire, consisting of some 400
acres of tilled land suited to frequent
plowing and rapid rotation, besides
100 acres of permanent meadow and
another 175 acres of permanent pas
ture.
The 400 acres of easily plowed
land are put in a rotation as follows:
Corn, one year; peas and oats for
hay, one year; clover for hay, two
cuttings, one year; potatoes to sell,
one year; Hungarian millet for hay,
one year; timothy for hay to sell,
two years, and then omne year for
pasture.
The hay from the whole of the
cleared land in 1894, when Professor
Sanborn took the farm, amounted to
112 tons. In 1905 the yield was 800
tons, this increase being accomplished
by frequent plowing of the land and
frequent applications of manure,
which serves to illustrate on a large
scale what has been shown already
in other places in New England,
namely, that land which ecan be
plowed conveniently and is therefore
adaptable to a rapid rotation can by
this kind of treatment generally be
made to produce the roughage nec
essary to keep a cow for each acre,
at least, if it be supplemented with
pasture for part of the summer feed
of the cow.
The fundamental principle on
which Professor Sanborn is working
is that it is fully as much the
amount of milk or butter produced
per acre which counts as it is the
amount per cow, and he is develop
ing the land accordingly. To build
up a dairy farm on a small acreage,
of course, it becomes necessary to
leave out the potatoes and hay to
sell and to devote all of the tilled
land to the support of the herd.
In the vicinity of Boston, rye sown
September 10 is ordinarily fit to cut
for feed May 15 and lasts until about
June 5. Winter wheat and vetch
sown September 20 is fit to feed from
June 5 to July 1, and any left over
makes good hay. Oats and peas
sown first April 18 will be fit to feed
by July 1, and successive seedings,
even up to July 1 on low land, will
furnish green feed until September 1.
It the later seedings must ke omitted
for lack of suitable land, green corn
planted May 15 will fill the gap until
the frost comes., Barley sown from
June 20 to August 15 in successive
lots will furnish feed for September
and October, Under any other cir
cumstances than those described it
does not seem economical to follow
this system, for summer feeding of
silage saves the daily labor of cut
ting and hauling a green crop on any
farm where there is land enough to
use for growing good clover hay in
a rotation with silage corn.
The methods which are to be gen
erally recommended to dairymen in
New England for the producing of
feed apply equally to much of the
State of New York, at least to all the
eastern portion of it. They are brief
ly as follows:
In the first place, all land which
can be used at all in such a manner
should be kept in a short rotation,
not more than three or four or, at
the most, five years long. This
should bring the time which any
piece of land is used for hay before
replowing down to two or three years
at the most. This short rotation
gives more clover in the hay, since
clover is short lived, only good for
two years from the time of seeding,
at best. Tke clover not only im
proves the quality of the hay, but
when hay is grown for three years,
increases the yield of the hay crop for
a year after the clover is gone. llf
cut for hay only two years, the clover
materially aids the yield of corn or
other crop which immediately fol
lows it.
If, as is often the case, a good
catch of clover is not easily obtained,
the land should be limed, for too
much acidity in thc soil seems to be
the greatest drawback to clover cul
ture in New England. Land plaster,
wood ashes, or fertilizers containing
much potash contribute to the same
end. The only precaution to be uh-«
W a farm where
potatoes are an important crop, for
then one must be cautious about lim
ing; potato scab may thereby be in
creased. In that case a fertilizer
high in potash, such as is used for
potatoes, does much to improve the
clovér crop.
The chief difficulty in growing si
lage corn in northern New Englond
is in getting a suitable variety, and
farmers are strongly urged to take
advantage of such new varieties of
silage corn as may be offered for trial
by the agricultural experiment sta
tions of their respective States or by
the United States Department of Ag
riculture, and also to select their own
seed in order to improve it.
In the most northern sections, such
as northern Maine, where corn is out
of the question and potatoes fill the
place of corn in a rotation, silage
can still be made from Japanese mil
let or other crops and succulent win
ter feed thus provided. Clover and
Italian rye grass are successfuliy used
for silage in the State of Washing
ton. This combination is worthy of
trial in northern Maine.
It should be noted that all, or near
1y all, of the cropping systems that
have been mentioned here are de
pendent on different variations of one
rotation. Several different rotations
may compose the system on any farm,
and one rotation may follow anoth
er on the same field, or different
fields may be used continuously in
different rotations. The rotations,
however, are based on the one so
common in many localities—that is,
corn, small grain, grass. Corn may
be replaced by potatoes, and that is
very profitably done in the potato
districts or in the most northern
counties of New England, where corn
fails. The small grain may be left
out and the grass (and clover) seed
ed in the corn, or corn may be grown
two years, instead of one.
Tie number of years of hay grow
ing may vary from one to five, and
the small grains may be used as grain
or go to supplement or enrich the
supply of hay. Even the rotations
for a soiling system are usually based
on the same foundation, the crops
for solling coming after corn, two of
them frequently being grown in a
year, and then the land put back to
corn again,
The essentials of the New England
dairyman in growing feed for his
cows appear to he the use of short
rotation wherever possible; all the
clover hay and corn silage that can
be grown; liming the land for clover,
if need be better management, es
pecially in the use of manure, of land
which is not fit for short rotations;
and the utilizing of the various other
crops that have been mentioned to
fill the gaps with succulent feed or
add in quantity and quality to the
ordinary hay crop.—W. E. 8., in the
Beston Transcript, .e. ..
eARWy = T e e T
ATTRIBUTE CRIME
TO TUBERCULOSIS.
Philadelphia Scientists Dezclare
" the Disease Affects Both Mind
and Morals. /"~ Fil
That insanity, criminal and izimor
al tendencies, idiocy or an entire re
versal of the previous mental poise
and moral standard are conditions
that may accompany tuberculosis
either in its incipient or chronie
stages science has now asserted to be
a certainty,
Dr. Lawrence F. Flick, expert tu
berculosis physician, and Dr. D. J.
McCarthy, expert eriminologist, have
just made known remarkable discov
eries that have resulted from inves
tigations they have been making for
several years at the Henry Phipps In
stitute for the treatment, study and
prevention of tuberculosis.
~ According to the new discovery, it
is said by the physicians, even devout
- persons may become immoral, honest
‘men turn thieves, optimists become
pessimists and healthy minded men
- become almeost inebriates with little
or no sense of moral responsibility.
And these conditions may “ake place
long before any sign of tuberculosis
is apparent.
Dr. McCarthy is not yet willing to
state positively to science the cause
of this change in mental condition.
He thinks it is not so much that the
tubercle bacilli attack the brain tis
sues, as that it is due to the produc
tion of mental and nervous exhaus
tion consequent upon the ailment.
“‘Lioss of sleep is an important fac
tor,” Dr. McCarthy says, “but it may
also be due to either a lack of prop
er blood supply to the brain or by
interference with the functions of the
heart.
“The impoverished state of the
blood is partly responsible for the de
lusions and hallucinations experienced
by so many tuberculosis patients.
Dreams assume such real proportions
in the patient’s mind that they often
regard them as communicated from
heaven.
““A case under my personal obser
vation for years showed delusions ac
companied by various homicidal at
tempts. Another case was that of a
man who developed insanity almost
a year before tuberculosis made its
first appearance. Yet an autopsy af
ter death showed that the lung dis
ease had begun before the insanity
symptoms showed themselves.
“Patients sometimes insist that
they are able to see and speak with
relatives who have long been dead.
While in the House of Rest, in New
York City, one man, who subsequent
ly became one of our patients, insist
ed ta?t poison was being placed in
his Tood. He attempted to aSsault
and threatened to kill the superin
tendent.
“Still another patient claimed that
he was in the habit of receiving com
munications from his father, whom
we afterward found had veéen dead
for several years. Another insisted
that his dead father came to his room
at all hours of the day and night and
wrote messages on the walls by
means of a piece of straw.
‘““Another victim saw queer piec
tures when awake and one woman
was continually calling our attention
to a procession of people dressed all
in white which seemed to appear con
stantly before her.”
| Man Yelled After Death.
~ Henry Gaheen, of Nevis, Minn., fell
asleep on the railroad track of the
“Red River Lumber Company, north
~of Akeley, and was struck and.run
over by the Great Northern logging
train yesterday. Gaheen was hor
ribly mangled and died at the Union
Hospital, where Drs. Irish and Low
thian were endeavoring to restore
the pulsation. When the mangled
body arrived at the hospital the man
was crying aloud with pain, yet the
doctors say there was no pulsation of
the body. The cries were the result
of previous will and nerve power or
impulse before the pulses ceased to
beat. The cries of the unfortunate
man were not the result of will or
_conscious volition, but the consequent
result of previous thought and will
power before death. Every possible
means was used to restore life, but in
vain. The body was interred at
Nevis to-day by friends and relatives.
—Duluth Herald.
From Different Standpoints.
“How we are misunderstood,” said
Blanche Walsh, “in an unsympathetic
world. I overheard two chamber
maids in my hotel discussing a guest
the other day.
“‘He's a very finicky, fussy gene
tleman,’ said the first.
“ ‘lndeed, you're right he is,’ the
other agreed warmly. ‘He caught me
using one of his razors one morning
to pry open a stiff window with, and
he kicked up an awful row. Some
folks hate a bit of fresh air.’”
Always Safe,
“I want to provide for my grand
son,” said the old man, “but stocks
may depreciate and securities go to
smash. How do I know what will be
good a decade from now?”
‘“You might legve a few thousand
tons of coal in trust,” suggested the
family lawyer. — Louisville Courier-
Journal,
it
Trying to Shut Her Out.
‘“Conductor,” complained the lank
spinster passenger, ‘‘that man in the
opposite seat is winking at me!”
‘““He says he doesn’t mean to wink
at you,” explained the car official.
‘““‘He’'s trying to keep the eye that's
turned toward you shut, ma'am,”=w
Judge, —~—
o gy
P N oR R L
mfl e [Vany fellew?
(‘ > ;\;\ == 3';—’:»3"-(}:#\‘
j = //{.&Z} 3
NI (e U
What Boots It? 1
“ - y 3 ”
lE{n gt()yutt}l‘ly‘g)a:rsteolxgtc;otlx)’head, :
“¥or by that act, and that alone,
Shall it remain with you.” ML
Alas! Alack! the youth did so! % |
But one day—so ’tis said— .
He met a winsome, bright-eyed maid,
And promptly lost his heacf.!
~ —The Bohemian,
Laisd Stingy.
Her Husband—“ Why are you so
distant?”
. His Wife—"“Because you are so
close,”—Cleveland Leader.
VT ety AN U 2
“Hurry up, Tommy!” called moth
er from downstairs. “We're late now,
Have you got your shoes on?”
“Yes, mamma—all but one.”—a
Everybody’'s Magazine.
A Royal Joke.
“Who waits without?” asked his
nibs.
“A" creditor with a bill, your
majesty.”
“Tell him to go without.”—Cleve
land Leader. e
—h ki
Tact Behind the Counter,” "™
Lady (with scme hesitation)—“T
~—er—wish to look at some false
fringes.”
| Tactful Salesman — “Certainly,
madam. What shade does your friend
wish?”—Punch, :
“7"" The New Religion. :
Crier (in front of revival meeting),
—‘“Save your soul, sir, for $2.”
Passer-by—‘‘Up the street it’s only
one-fifty.”
Crier—" But we do it without
pain,”’—Judge. :
Eh, What's That? 4
“Shakespeare never repeated.” ’
“Then he couldn’t have lasted long
as a press humorist,” declared one of
that profession, “no matter what his
other qualifications may have been.”
—Pittsburg Post. f;
——— 1
5 He Knew. 25
Teacher—“ You have named all the
domestic animals save one. It has
bristly hair, it is grimy, likes dirt and
is fond of mud. Well, Tom?”
Tom (shamefacedly) — “That’s
me,”—Philadelphia Inquirer.
' New Use of the Motor.
He—*"Alice, you've been eating
onions again?” g
She—“ Yes, dear.” !
He—“ Well, come out with me in
my motor car and see if I can’'t take
your breath away.”—Tit-Bits.
© - Over theé Welcphone. :jf"
“Is this Dr. Smith?” Rinoßey
“Yes.”
“Well, this is Mrs. Jones. I wish
¥ou would come over as soon as con
venient; my cuckoo clock has a little
throat trouble.”—Harper’s Weekly, |
% —— - 4
e The Tenant's Trouble. .
“What’s the trouble now?” de
manded the janitor. “More heat?”
“No,” said the tenant of the latest
skyscraper, “but I want those clouds
pushed away from my windows.”"—
Pittsburg Post.
5 Johnny's Answer.
The Doctor—“ Now that you are
going to school, Johnny, perhaps you
can tell me what happens when an'
irresistible force strikes an immova
ble object.”
“People send for you, doctor,”—s
Life.
i
: Ideal Ammunition.
‘Please, Mr. Druggist, give me an
other box es pills like those I got
for papa yesterday.” :
“Did they cure your papa?” 2
“I don’t know; but they go bully in
my bean shooter.”—Fliegende Blaet
ter, SEAE
" Thrifty. B o
“Well, parson, is your flock lib’ral
in their 'nevolences?”
“Liberal? Well, I should say dey,
is not that. Why, when I asted them
to sing ‘Ole Hundred’ dey done sung
‘The Ninety and Nine.’ "—Harper's
Weekly.
77T Poor Old Dad. ]
“Father, we're going to have a
barn dance. The men are to wear.
overalls and the girls gingham
dresses,”
“Well, for once you'’ve hit on some
thing homely and sensible.” .
“So glad you approve. Now, I
want S6O to buy a gingham dress
with."—Louisville Courier-Journal, |
. T —— ~3
""" Early and Late.
“You play the piano later every
night,” gaid the visitor.
“Yes,” answered the suburban resi
dent, “we're trying to keep the peo
ple next door up, g 0 that they will be
too sleepy to mow the lawn in the
morning; and they’'re trying to mow.
the lawn so early that we mayn’t feel
like playing at night.”—London
News.
P i e ;
~ No Work For Him.
““But,” sald the good old lady, “why
don’t you go to work?”
“Why, ma’'am,” began the disrepu
table old loafer, “yer see, I got a wife
an’ five children to support—"
“But how can you support them :f
you don’t go to work?”
“As I was a-sayin’, lady, I got a
wife an’ five children to support me.”
«Catholic Standard and Times,